It seems a lot of people are disillusioned with politicians these days, so I think the only solution is that I finally run for office. My only promise is that I will punch people. Also, I’ll smash things, kick over table and chairs, and rip up papers. I might also burn things.
If some reporter asks where I stand on issues, I’ll punch him in the face. That’s the message I want to get across. I think this will really appeal to people, because the American people want more action from their politicians.
So who do I punch first to start running for office?
OOOOOOH!
Punch Michael Moore FIRST!!
Representative Peter King
And feel free to burn him, too.
Barney the Dinosaur. Your message will reach a large youthfull audience, all of whom will one day be voters. If Barney is unavailable for punching, then take a swing at that freaky Burgur King guy with the King mask. Everyone wants him layed out cold.
I think you first have to punch somebody over at the State Office of Elections. Then they will give you a form to fill out.
Oh, and you should probably find out what KIND of action people want from their politicians. It will do you no good to punch people if what the voters really want is Jackie Chan-style martial arts.
Mmmmmmm…that’s some good Kung Fu.
Um…A good place to start would be to punch anyone with a “(D)” behind their names. There are a couple of exceptions (Zell, Lieberman), but once you learn those, feel free to punch away.
I think you should start punching random people. That could be the small scale version of the nuke the moon doctrine.
If they are elected, punch them. If they did nothing wrong, tell them to go punch an ellected official who did. Pretty soon, they’ll be beating themselves up while you get to sit around watching and drinking margaritas.
Detective Mike Logan.
I would vote for ya Frank. The first person you should punch after elected to whatever office is: Harry Reid. I take that back; punch him twice.
Helen Thomas – wear chemical protective gloves though
After you smack Barney the dinosaur, punch Barney Frank, D-Somepagesrearend.
Now, normally, being a Monkey Faced Liberal, I do not advocate violence.
However, in your case I will make an exception. I suggest you punch yourself.
Let me explain why I make this exception.
I know how important it is for you to be funny, despite your apparent inability to consistently write anything that is even mildly amusing.
That is why, in this case, I think violence might make sense.
A video of you punching yourself in the face, posted on your website, would DEFINATELY be much funnier than your average “In My World” or other “political humor” post.
You could finally rest easy with the knowledge that you created something humorous.
Fulfill your species being, in the Marxist sense, so to speak.
Peace,
Monkey Faced Liberal
Yeah, MFL, and you should DEFINATELY work on your spelling.
Heck, just punch a Capitol Hill police officer. That seems to work.
MFL: Why do you spend so much time on a site you say you don’t like? Strange behavior.
The first thing FrankJ needs to punch is that hanging chad next to the write in section on his ballot!
To qoute one of my favorite movies: “Baby steps, baby steps…” (and no it isn’t that baby geniuses crap)
Ohh, pick me!
For my vote, you will need to punch Cindy Sheehan.
For my endorsement, you will need to punch Nancy Pelosi.
For a campaign donation, please punch Diane Feinstein.
This would be a great way to raise funds for your campaign! I’d also like for you to talk Arnold into punching people once you’re in office…
There are sooooo many people to punch in DC. Just start at the beginning of the Congressional register and work your way to the bottom.
Brian, MFL comes to this site because he has a deep seated need for attention. Since his views are contrary to the majority of people on this site, he usually gets at least some attention.
I have seen the same kind of behavior in toddlers. They will come into the room where you are, throw themselves on the ground and then begin to sob. If you look over at them, the performance will continue. If you turn away and walk out of the room, the whining and crying magically stop. Parenting 101
seanmahair:
Great point seanmahair! And you are doing such a good job of following Parenting 101 and ignoring me.
Oh yeah, you don’t ignore me. In fact, you seem to respond to a lot of my posts.
Does this mean that you are a bad mother? Maybe you need to retake that Parenting 101 class.
Peace,
Monkey Faced Liberal
Blue square:
You got me Blue square. I am a bad speller. I try to check most of my posts for spelling, but I guess this one slipped by me.
It could be worse though. I could be an arrogant little 17 year-old fundamentalist Christian who
-aspires to political humor yet knows nothing about political theory
-posts pathetic whines about getting only 13 hits on his blog
-suggests that it would be good if only 1% of the world’s population was female, thus calling into question his sexual orientation (Not that there is anything wrong with that — but if you show up with your “friend” Jose at the next church picnic it might not go over very well with the minister.)
-thinks writing “Doom” by itself in response to blog posts is funny.
I could go on and on, but I think you get my point — such a life would really be awful.
I think I will just thank my lucky stars I am not that person, and try to be better about checking my spelling with Word in the future.
Peace,
Monkey Faced Liberal
You make me smile, MFL. No, seriously, you do.
MILF-
(Oops, I meant MFL. Not to say you’re not a “mutha” in the slang sense…)
Like you, I’m not too bright. The main difference is that I do have the cognizance to realize it. I know, I know, you just might have a degree from a higher learning institution, or at the very least, a certificate from an online clown college- I suspect the latter- but considering the fact that I have neither, I acquiesce…you are obviously of a superior intellect than the run-of-the-mill-racist-male-neocon like myself, as we obviously all are.
I’m so ignorant as to say that I would vote for a man or woman(!) of direct action, rather than sully myself by voting for another leftard who wasted the integrity of the Presidency to get fellated in the oval office. I’d go so far as to even say Frank, Condi, Michelle, or even Joe Lieberman (maybe) could punch me square in my face if it meant that they’re willing to prove they’ll go the distance to get something done that is actually beneficial to the USA & American citizens FIRST, and I’d still vote for them.
Unless, of couse, if YOU ran for office. I’d surely support you because you’re sooo smart. See! I don’t even know how to spell “so”.
Amazed Brit-
I’m sure it gave you wood! It’s fun to get wood, now that you finally got that “real boy” operation, yeah?
AlanABQ:
It is good to see how this site can bring different sides of the political spectrum together! We agree on several points.
“I’m not too bright.”
Agreed!
“You are obviously of a superior intellect than the run-of-the-mill-racist-male-neocon like myself.”
Agreed!
“I’m so ignorant as to say that I would vote for a man or woman(!) of direct action, rather than sully myself by voting for another leftard who wasted the integrity of the Presidency to get fellated in the oval office.”
If by “direct action” you mean someone who gets us into wars where our strategic national interests are not at stake, who turns a national budget surplus into a large deficit, and who breaks the Constitution spying on American citizens without a warrant, I agree yet again!
See, IMAO brings people together! Group hug!
Peace,
Monkey Faced Liberal
Blue Square:
I am glad that I amuse you. As a liberal, there is nothing I like more than providing joy to my fellow man.
To be honest, reading your posts also provokes a reaction in me.
You make me want to vomit.
Peace,
Monkey Faced Liberal
P.S. Amazed Brit– please stop advocating violence. It is not the solution!
Love will bring us together! And organic tofu, of course.
Oh, It’s a Troll love fest.
I’m gonna’ puke!
Amazed Brit-
Is your liberal brain so tiny that you already forgot what you posted just two days ago? “You could punch a conservative. I did the other day. It gave me wood.” I’m not surprised that you said “I genuinly have absolutely no idea what your comment to me means. Honestly, I don’t. If you like to clarify.” I would like to clarify a great deal for you & extra-smart folks like MFL, but I’m not sure how over-simplify an idea or only use monosyllabic terms without hurting your tender li’l feelings too much; I know how sensitive you leftards can be.
And to MFL, who wrote; “If by “direct action” you mean someone who gets us into wars where our strategic national interests are not at stake, who turns a national budget surplus into a large deficit, and who breaks the Constitution spying on American citizens without a warrant, I agree yet again!” Yes! that is exactly what I meant… man, you ARE smart! Some might accuse you of twisting the meaning, but not me. You’re too smart to fall for that.
Peace to you too, but please- no more hugs from the left. Every time a leftard tries to hug me, it takes me an hour to wash the residual stench of defeat off my clothes.
AlanBBQ:
Thanks for the compliments! If you could see me now you would fine me blushing!
I must admit, thought, your gushing praise of my intelligence would mean more if you didn’t use the word “leftard” as if it was a witty rejoinder.
After all, the word manages to be both insensitive (to the mentally disabled), adolescent (does anyone over 13 really think calling someone “retarded” is a sophisticated insult?) and dumb (I combined the words left and retard! Look at me and how creative I am!) all at the same time.
This leads me to ask you — do you eat just BBQ, or actually cook BBQ yourself?
Because I am beginning to worry that you might not have the mental capacity to be trusted near a fire.
Peace,
Monkey Faced Liberal
MFL-You made me laugh! A lefty! I’m in shock.
“Love will bring us together! And organic tofu, of course.”
All my beliefs about humorless lefties have taken a severe blow. I will have to report to Rove’s re-education camps now that I have lost this article of faith. sigh I’d much rather go to Moab for the weekend.
Awesome reply, MFL.
“If you could see me now you would fine me blushing”
Say what? I might fine you a few dollars for being ignorant in public, if I could. As for the blushing, I think it’s more of a result of the long-winded ranting you display.
“I must admit, thought,”
Are you trying to imply that you had a thought? I’m not buying it…
“your gushing praise of my intelligence would mean more if you didn’t use the word “leftard” as if it was a witty rejoinder”
You mean like “neocon”, ya microcephalic troglodyte?
“This leads me to ask you — do you eat just BBQ, or actually cook BBQ yourself?”
The answer would be yes. If I were to cook it, I’d likely be the one eating it, too. What’re the odds, right? Also, you asked there if I “eat just BBQ”. Well, I do like pizza. And girls, but as for that, I wouldn’t expect you to understand.
“Because I am beginning to worry that you might not have the mental capacity to be trusted near a fire.”
After going through your own creativity and impeccable writing skills, I’m not the one you ought to worry about, but I do appreciate the concern.
“Awesome reply, MFL”
Thanks for the compliment again Alan! You are so sweet.
“I might fine you a few dollars for being ignorant in public, if I could.”
A bit confused by this comment. I am blushing from all your nice compliments! Silly goose!
“”neocon”, ya microcephalic troglodyte?”
Now this comment I find very confusing. First, I never called you or anyone else on this site a neocon.
Second, a neocon is not an insult — it just stands for neo-conservative. Not a political philosophy I support, but it is not a silly insult like “leftard”. So, even if I did call you a neocon, how are the two comparable?
Then, after all of the nice things you said about me and my posts, you call me a small-headed primitive person.
You seem confused. Lets see
-First you flatter me
-Then you insult me
-Then, unsolicited, you bring up your love of girls.
Are you are wrestling with your sexual orientation?
Well, as much as I would like to be able to initiate you in the “love that dare not speak its name”, I am afraid you are barking up the wrong tree. Sorry!
Good luck in finding a soul-mate! And if you do, let me know — I make a great wheatless vegan Wedding Cake.
Some people say it tastes like cardboard — but I think they not tasting the secret ingredient. — LOVE!
Peace
Monkey Faced Liberal
Gee, MFL… it’s so cute when you respond with love. It makes me think you might have a soul after all. I apologize if I hurt your “widdle feewings” & kudos to you for taking the time to actually look up some terms in a dictionary. It gives me hope that you found a fact without having to see if it matches up with the “facts” in Farenhype 9/11. Maybe this will be the start of a new trend for you and your comrades; independent thought!
“-Then, unsolicited, you bring up your love of girls.
Are you are wrestling with your sexual orientation?”
I think you’re reading too much into things. No, I’m not, but before you try to pry any further about my sexual orientation, let’s just make it clear now that I really don’t think you’re my type. Heh… Now I almost feel flattered, too.