There is much celebration just because we dropped a bomb on the insignificant terrorist Zarqawi. Are we really safer, though? Can we now walk the streets at night without a care? Can we ride a bobcat with a saddle on it without fear of being mauled? No. Zarqawi’s death changes nothing, because the real evil mastermind is still out there plotting against America and issuing statements against us and Israel with impunity as our government does nothing to stop him. Well, I won’t cheer because one goofball terrorist is pig-feed; I will only feel safer when Kofi Annan is finally dead.
Kofi Annan is, as I type, actively working to overthrow America. He heads a large international organization – known only by its initials “U.N.” – of likeminded thugs. They debate how to destroy us and our ally Israel, releasing videotapes of their vicious statement against us with impunity. Why can’t we find them and stop them? Is there even a search for their headquarters? No. I suspect politics has something to do with it. Al Qaeda is the hot topic now, and I suspect many fear the “U.N.” and its mastermind Kofi Annan. Maybe, some even sympathize with this criminal organization. I’ve heard rumors from respected sources that, during this War on Terror, Kofi Annan has even been able to infiltrate American soil, giving speeches and making recruits right under our noses!
Did you know these enemies of America and democracy even have their own military, and it only will grow until we finally make some effort against them? Also, they have cells in hundreds of countries – including, if rumors are true – a huge base of operations in the U.S. Are you scared? I know I am. This is far more than a few suicide bombings we have to worry about; these people could seriously undermine America’s power abroad. Maybe that’s why we don’t have a public campaign against them; the government fears it could panic the average American if it publicized these facts. Well, Mr. President, I think it’s time we do panic. The panic is unavoidable, but after the panic comes the resolve – the resolve to hunt and kill Kofi Annan.
Will the death of Kofi Annan mean the destruction of the “U.N.”? No, but it will demoralize his followers if he is killed and we show proof of his death. I bet many people would leave the organization out of fear when they know America is fully committed to destroy it. Then we can start to destroy “U.N.” cells in other countries. And, if rumors are true of an American headquarters, we should be able to find and destroy that, helping American sleep in peace at night.
There is no time to waste, though. The “U.N.” and the vile Kofi Annan want to undermine us and our allies. They think they can destroy us and will move towards that goal. We must destroy them first, paving the way for peace so we can ride the bobcat of security into the horizon of our future.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “A Frank Guide to Foreigners and Their Evil” and “Ride the Cat”.
ROFLMAO!!!!!
But sadly, altogether too true…
This is an idea who time has come! I have heard of this UNthing and I don’t like what I hear. They apparently have this UnHuman Rights Council that allows UNtroops to have sex with children in countries where they send in UNpeacekeepers and then make them UNprositutes. This makes this an UNbelievable UNorganization that must be exposed, or is the UNexposed? I can only hope that Frank keeps on top of this!
Love it, great piece Frank
lets be real for a minute… No one fears the UN.
FrankJ:
Nice satire regarding the ignorant hatred of the U.N. by much of the right-wing in this country.
For instance, you nail them on their tendency to exaggerate the importance and force of so-called “anti-US and Israeli” statements made by the U.N.
And your portrayal of Kofi Annan as the leader of thugs, when he is clearly just a career diplomat, dramatically points out how the silliness of the right’s concerns about the U.N.
I especially like your joke about how the right-wing is so out of touch that they do not even know where the U.N. headquarters is. It harks back to the Bush’ adminstration’s inability to find any WMD or Osama Bin Lauden.
A little obvious, but still funny!
I guess you are slowing getting better at this humor thing — though, I must admit, I am surprised you chose a satire that makes fun of the right’s arguments regarding the U.N. to demonstrate your ability.
But anything for a laugh (or at least smile) — right FrankJ?
And, as a strong supporter of international institutions such as the U.N., I am glad to have you on our side in exposing the stupidity and ridiculousness of those who feel the U.N. is a “threat” to the U.S.
Good Work,
Peace,
Monkey Faced Liberal
I have been informed by my extensive network (the NRA) that Kofi and his cronies are having a meeting on the 4th of July to discuss tactics and strategies to undermine our 2nd Amendment rights. I am slightly amused by this. I have been practicing shooting blue helmets off of fenceposts since childhood in preparation for the day the rest of the world considered us the enemy. It was simply a matter of time. Let them come, we’ll kill them all, with our registered guns we waited 14 days to buy, after a background check.
I’m sure I’ve heard stories of a secret agent known only as “the ‘stache” infiltrating this evil organization to root out the whereabouts of their official headquarters. As expected the rumors point to New York City.
Can’t we just ignore crazy cousin Kofi-the-klepto and ride the marmot of truth to Valhalla?
Accurate to say the least, Frank.
It’s good to see that MFL can take a little time away from raping children with his peacekeeping unit to post here.
Although we have to suffer for it, at least this gives his victims a brief respite.
Come on. Let’s try to be more considerate of others here.
After all, the U.S. biological and drug research centers need human subjects for very risky experiments. What about their needs?
There are hundreds, if not thousands, of explosive mine fields still active throughout the world that need to be cleared away for the native tribes of those regions. Someone has walk out there to set them off. What about their needs?
And with our ever-disappearing forests, according to Green-Pee and the other eco-terrorists, we may need other sources of burnable fuel in the near future. And as I’m sure you all know: Nothing is quite as satisfying as the smell of flaming flesh in the morning. What about those needs?
WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!
And for those sea-lovers out there. Instead of riding bobcats, there plenty of manatees available now. (see other story on home page)
Hillary Clinton walks into an office room where President Bush and Bill Clinton are sitting together talking.
HILLARY: What are you two doing?
BILL: Honey, we’re just working on plans for World War 3.
HILLARY: WHAT!
BILL: Yeah. We’re going to blow up 10 million muslims and Kofi Annan.
HILLARY: Why Kofi Annan?
BUSH: See. I told you the Democrats don’t really care for muslims.
le MFL you ignorant slut. You take-it-in-the-shorts, appeasing monkey boys are so enamoured with the Federation of Planets, er, I mean the U.N., you can’t see the rain forest for the bulldozers. We all love to see you Don Quixsands rail against the corporate scandals, the U.S. Savings and Loan calamities etc. so that you can blame this masterful hoodwinking of the American public on us stupid, dimwitted republicans. An yet the Oil for Food scandal is totally acceptable and forgiveable becasue you can’t possibly blame it on Bush. I hope you uninspired and insipid wimps can get used to the fact that our people will never allow America to be managed by the U.N., but if not, may I suggest moving to France or one of your other beloved socialist paradises. I am sure finding employment won’t be hard, (memo to self: scratch France from paradise list) becasue they all have 7/11s on every corner like we do.
Pack sand monkey boy.
Too funny…you guys are out of control.
You must stop Kofi!
Captamerica, dude I love you in all your vehmement glory, but really, don’t give that pinko facist mfl any of your energy. I gotta hope that the less folks answer to that fruitloop, the less I’ll have to file past his drivel to get to the good posts.
While your response is funny in it’s veracity, but I don’t like having to even glance at that bungknocker’s written spew to see why you had to get so honest.
Boycott MFL…
That is all…except…awesome post as usual, Frank; your posts are making my Moonbunny more informed every day. The bonuses she’ll get on her upcoming current history classes are all due to you’re humorous take on world events and is much appreciated.
J’ever think of becoming a history teacher?
Captamerica:
It is always a pleasure to read your posts. You see, as a bleeding heart monkey faced liberal, I sometimes worry that the right is unfairly stereotyped as ignorant, xenophobic idiots.
And then you come along to prove that, at least in your case, that stereotype is spot on.
“MFL you ignorant slut”
Do you feel constant repetition of a joke from SNL circa 1980 will eventually make it funny and/or insulting?
If so, I think you might want to reconsider this strategy.
“Don Quixsands”
You see, I tease you about being unoriginal (above), and then when you try to be original you pull this “insult” out of your ass.
Don Quixsand? The alteration in the spelling of Don Quixote is supposed to insult me as liberal because ???
I mean, liberals are not the ones tilting at the windmill of a quick cheap war in Iraq that spreads secular democracy throughout a Middle East, only to find themselves in the “quicksand” of an expensive, drawn-out sectarian insurgency.
“rail against … the U.S. Savings and Loan calamities etc.”
WHAT? This might have been the best comment of the bunch.
Hello, Captamerica, it is 2006.
I think the last time a liberal railed about the S&L scandal was 1994, in nostagic “look back at the 1980’s” feature in The Nation.
I loved the 80’s as much anyone, but you need to put away the skinny ties and leg warmers and get on board with the scandals we liberals are railing about today — Abramoff, Lewis, NH phone jamming etc. Geez.
Now, if you will excuse me, your post has filled me a longing to return to my 80’s roots.
I am going to put on a little Nu Shooz, and make a nice dinner of portabello mushroom burgers, then pack a fat bowl and sit down to watch “Highlander.”
Sure, its violence offends my liberal sensibilities, but it is pretty cool.
Peace,
Monkey Faced Liberal
P.S.”There can be only one”. I wonder how many times FrankJ has said that line while paying swords with his “samauri” buddies?
I think the over/under on that bet is 50.
P.P.S. By the way, did anyone else notice that the Kurgan was in Lost this year. Great casting!
Monkey Faced Liberal
Can’t anyone other than Master Shake decently insult me on this message board?
For instance, shimauma, you don’t call someone a “pinko facist”.
If I am a pinko, I am all wishy-washy and believe in social democracy. See, pink is close to red (communist) but not quite there.
Pinko does not go with facist. Facism is on the whole other side of the political spectrum. And it involves complete support for an totalitarian society lead by a dictatorial ruler. Much different than pinko, who would never go along with someone who might threaten his cherished democracy or civil liberties.
Then you follow this up with “bungknocker”?
I realize it is not exactly complimentary to be compared to a specially designed wooden hammer used by distillery workers, but is it really that insulting?
I know this site does not get that much traffic, but can’t we at least try to raise the insult standards a bit?
Come on people!
Peace,
Monkey Faced Liberal
Monkey Boy:
Fascism is just a type of socialism that melds the concept of “The state owns you” with “All hail the national leader”, and makes a point of giving the people (who behave) the illusion of being allowed to mind their own business.
Social democracy is about destroying the individual right to property through the invention of numerous imaginary rights. There is really no such thing as a right that enables you to require other people to give things to you.
There is no right to free healthcare. Doctors are people, and they have a right to withhold their services. Just because they have skills that save lives does not mean they lose their freedom.
There is no right to free education. Teachers are people, and they have a right to withhold their services. Just because they are trained to pass knowledge to the next generation does not mean that they should be made into slaves.
Ah, you say it’s all right because we’ll just be taxing the rich to pay for this. So we’ll just take money away from them, money that they would have invested in other businesses, that would have been spent on improving the standard of living for everyone, and use it to cultivate and maintain a permanent underclass. Such an attitude will discourage people from doing anything that might get them rich. No more kickass inventions, no more innovative software companies, no more interesting movies, no more hard work–people will become used to doing just as much as it takes to get by. Welcome to your world.
I swear before God and all I hold dear on this earth that as long as I live, you will be disappointed, Monkey Boy. We believe in giving to those who do not deserve to receive, but not in taking from those who do not deserve to lose. It is we who respect the human integrity of people, who are not demographics to be exploited, who are not potential tax sources, but humans with their own lives who do not want to be meddled with. With the events that are transpiring in the world now, your reality is about to end, Monkey Boy.
Has anyone considered that Kofi Annan may very well be Robert Mugabe, the murderous dictator of Zimbabwe, in disguise? I don’t rember ever seeing them together.
If this is true, this is a very troubling revelation…
Guys – I’ve been a fan of this blog for a long time, and I’ve got to say that your creation “Monkey-Faced Liberal” is one of the best yet! You guys nailed it, capturing the essence of Moonbaticus Americanus.
It’s all there – anal-retentiveness, obsessive-compulsive behavior, sanctimony, a feeble grasp on humor, an even more feeble grasp on fact, overwhelming lack of self-awareness. You even gave MFL a standard lame tactic that s/he never deviates from – every comment is a perfect mixture of passive-aggressive rhetoric mincingly employed to tear ineffectually at an unconvincing strawman of your actual post.
You even have him/her/it sign off with “Peace”! Absolutely perfect – MFL needs to be enshrined in IMAO’s pantheon along with the other great characters from years past, like Chomps and Buck the Marine.
MFL you ignorant slut. Actually this dates back to the 1970s old boy. And no, I do not repeat it in the hopes that it is finally funny, it is just my greeting for you. You certainly qualify as being ignorant, and ditto with the slut part. You are simply a myopic, take-it-in-the-rear socialist pantywaist who fashinably hates his country and attributes all the ills in the world to Dubya or the Republicans in general. We really don’t care about your opinions or lame attempts at humor, we just like beating on you like a monkey faced pinata. That’s all, nothing more, nothing less. Peace.
Ok let’s see what we have here in terms of replies to my latest post:
George Guy:
“The prophet of neo-federalism”
You really call yourself a prophet?
I can see you now, with the long robe, staff, and holding a copy of Atlas Shrugged.
“With the events that are transpiring in the world now, your reality is about to end, Monkey Boy.”
And as long as I got some Tofu in the fridge, some grass in the bong, and some Dead on the stereo, this Monkey Faced Liberal’s reality is going to continue for a long, long time.
George, please, get a whole of yourself. You are giving delusional, self-important wingnuts who think they have developed great new political philosophies a bad name with this foolishness.
Master Tang:
Good job. Got the sarcasm going, the unsupported ad-hoc attacks, even a creative name for me — “Moonbaticus Americanus”.
I even like the handle. Excellent work!
Captamerica:
Sigh. Could someone please tell CaptAmerica he is just making himself look more and more like a drooling idiot with every new post?
We have the adolescent homosexual insults (are you afraid of gays in addition to immigrants Capt.?) and the baseless ad hominem attacks (I’m a slut? How would you know? Oh yeah — well, who was I to know she was your mother?)
“We really don’t care about your opinions or lame attempts at humor”
That is why you keep writing responses, huh?
“We just like beating on you like a monkey faced pinata”
You really need to raise your game if you are going to call what you are doing “beating on” me.
Write something creative. Intelligent. Substantive. Otherwise demonstrate to us that you have ever had an original thought within that pea sized brain of yours.
Now if you will excuse me — there are whales to save!
Peace,
Monkey Faced Liberal
Hey, FrankJ. Great laughs as always! Thanks.
This gets funny too, I see. MFL, check your references. Ayn Rand left zero space in her philosophy for “giving to those who do not deserve to receive” let alone any support for (any) God. Wrong book, buddy. Better luck next time.
You however, might check out “Anthem” by the same author. It illustrates quite nicely the absolute extreme end of your world. Enjoy the ‘Dead.
Frank, again, the MFL character is pure comedic brilliance! You even had it demonstrate a complete unawareness of the difference between “ad hominem” and “ad hoc” in a post dripping with passive/aggressive condescending superiority – magnificent! Marvelous as well the way you convey its self-image: in your rendering, MFL clearly comes across with a virtually audible world-weary sigh as it engages in its missionary duty to raise the consciousness of poor, benighted wingers. A superb parody of Moonbat Incarnate – self-absorbed, circumscribed by whatever talking points it’s digested that day, blissfully aware of its limitations.
Keep it up, Frank – or is MFL yours, Spacemonkey? Whoever it is should step forward and take a bow.
What makes you think I think I’m a serious prophet? I can freely and categorically deny that I have ever received any direct messages from God, and say that it is entirely possible, even highly likely, that I am not a prophet. However, it is also true that there is no conclusive evidence that I have never received any less-than-direct divine messages, and considering that, it might be premature to say with any certainty that I am definitely not a prophet. Therefore, I am prepared to run with the assumption that I am a prophet until significant evidence turns up that indicates otherwise.
Besides, I don’t like robes. I would prefer to dress like a ninja.