Ladies and Gentlemen,
One never knows where one will find inspiration. Doesn’t one?
Anyway, after having my last comic ripped by friends and foe alike (see previous post), I have chosen a new direction in my career.
You see there is only one career where your work doesn’t have to make sense; where the quality isn’t as relevant as the feeling behind the work; where you can make a living without having any real talent. No, I’m not going to write for the New York Times. This profession is more extreme.
That’s right. I have chosen the profession of
Left Wing Cartoonist.
My first work is shown below.
Archive of entries posted on July 2006
Michael Moore Gets Hugs?
Michael Moore gets hugs from Republicans?
Here’s my take on it.
Caption: For some reason, Michael Moore confused “hugs” with the effects of gravity.
Fun Facts About Nevada
The IMAO Podcast is still on hiatus, but I have an irresistable urge to finish up the rest of the states in the Fun Facts About The 50 States series, so I’m going to forge ahead – hopefully on a weekly schedule.
Should the podcast return, this is the list from which I’ll pick & choose my favorite items to record.
(continued in extended entry)
Florida Marine Good at Killing Bad People (At Least 20 Confirmed Kills)
DU thinks he should be locked up as a danger to society.
But they support the troops!
During a large-scale attack on Easter Sunday, Wilson says, he spotted six gunmen on a rooftop about 400 yards away. In about 8 seconds he squeezed off five rounds – hitting five gunmen in the head. The sixth man dived off a 3-story building just as Wilson got him in his sights, and counts as a probable death.
I can’t even do that on a videogame.
Remember to Digg
If you like an IMAO article, remember to click on the “Digg This” link. This could help us reach a bigger audience. It just takes a short registration to start up.
So, if you liked my editorial today, remember to register that with Digg. If you didn’t like it, keep it to yourself or I’ll hurt you.
And I will, ’cause I’m crazy.
UPDATE: Monkey-faced liberal don’t want you to Digg IMAO posts; who do you side with?
Right and Wrong
John Hawkins has Right-Of-Center Bloggers Select Their Least Favorite People On The Right – which I participated in. I only chose a couple, and they were the frontrunners.
I wonder if Andrew Sullivan got so little votes because most don’t think of him as on the right anymore. Does being hysterical have an ideology?
Like Hugging a Pile of Manure in a Baseball Cap
Michael Moore says he often gets hugged by Republicans now. This is a crazy lie for a number of reasons. For starters, any real Republicans, no matter what they now think on different issues, wants to hit Moore with a ax handle because he is a fat, ugly man. Also, everyone, even if they agree with Moore, would be repelled at the thought of even touching Moore since he is a fat, ugly man with no hygiene. Were I to hug him, I’d have to shower for a week straight.
But I would never feel clean again.
Fun Trivia
Proportionate Responses Never Ended a War
An Editorial by Frank J.
People keep urging Israel to keep their responses to terrorist attacks “proportionate”. What?! Who would say such a crazy thing except those in love with war? If they kill three people, and, wanting to be proportionate, Israel kills three people, that only keeps the cycle of violence going on forever. And that is not a cycle you want to be on, because, if you do too well, the French will act all surprised when blood tests on a man reveal the presence of testosterone.
“Obviously, many critics of Israel have never been to war school. Also, they hate Jews.”
Responses to attacks must be disproportionate to end wars. This is basic war logic that one learns on the first day of war school. Obviously, many critics of Israel have never been to war school. Also, they hate Jews… but this is common and unremarkable. What is important is to understand how disproportionate responses end wars. If you always respond proportionately, then the enemy who is bad will always know the risks with each attack since he knows exactly how you will respond. But, with disproportionate attacks, the enemy (who still is bad) will not know how you respond, for any response can happen for someone who responds disproportionately. This makes bad people who are the enemy scared.
Let us look at real world example: If terrorists blow up a car and Israel responds proportionately by blowing up one of the terrorists’ cars, this will not scare the terrorists because they have crappy cars. Thus, terrorists will continue to blow up good Israeli cars while collecting insurance on their crappy cars when Israel responds proportionately. Now, if terrorists blow up a car and Israelis respond disproportionately by blowing up five cities – cities the terrorists like – this is much more likely to discourage the terrorists. They will think, “If Israel keeps responding in this disproportionate way, they will blow up all our cities a thousand times over by the time we destroy all their cars. We don’t want that; our stuff is in those cities.” Thus, through disproportionate responses, the conflict is ended. This is good and smart way to fight.
Now, a disproportionate response does not have to be more than the initial attack; responding with much less is also disproportionate. Let’s say terrorists murder five Israeli families. Instead of murdering five terrorist families (a proportionate response) or nuking Mecca (disproportionate response of greater force), the Israelis could respond by kidnapping one of the terrorists’ goats and put lipstick and a dress on the goat (which would be really ridiculous since it’s a male goat). Then, the Israelis could broadcast video of the goat and everyone standing around laughing at the goat in a dress (who is also wearing lipstick). While this would be a disproportionate response, it would be unlikely to discourage bad people as much as killing and explosions do (unless terrorists fear nothing more than the public mockery of their goats; then this is a very strategic response).
Some worry that disproportionate responses to terrorist attacks could harm civilians. My solution to this is to not worry. Civilians serve little purpose in war; whether they live or die gives little advantage to either side since they don’t fight (that’s why they are civilians). This is why I don’t understand why terrorists target civilians since those aren’t the ones they need to be worried about killing them. It may be easiest to kill little Israeli children, but they are no threat compared to older Israelis with machine guns. I guess terrorists are unable to do a proportionate response or higher since Israelis with machine guns tend to kill terrorists, so they target civilians. This is not good strategy though, as it only angers those with machine guns who were the bigger threat to begin with.
So, to end this conflict, Israel must continue with disproportionate responses. If terrorists shoot someone, then Israel must bomb a city. If terrorist blow up a building, Israel should destroy one of the terrorists’ greatest holy symbols – the Eiffel Tower. Then terrorists become very scared and pee their pants and can’t buy new pants because they’re too busy protecting their goats from public ridicule. When the enemy is reduced to a bunch of scared people with soiled pants standing in front of their goats, then war is won and conflict is over. This you learn on last day of war school.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “If Someone Mugs You, You Mug Him Back and Kill His Family: A Guide to Self-Defense” and numerous textbooks for war class at war school.
Annoyed If You Do, Annoyed If You Don’t
Moonbats are always yelling at politicians for not forcing their sons and daughters to join the military (which I don’t think you’re legally allowed to do). Now, John McCain’s youngest son has joined the Marines, and you can watch the muckadoos at DU struggle to come up with new things to complain about.
Lesson: The only way to defeat a liberal is with numerous whacks to the head with a stick.
I Dream of a World Where Dogs Kill Monkeys
I had a weird dream over the weekend. It was night, and Rowdi was on the back porch (except it was the raised wooden back porch from the house I lived in for nine years in New Jersey). I see little Sydney approaching Rowdi, and I get worried that Rowdi is going to chase her. Then Rowdi starts growling – really angry like – and I get more worried. But then I notice she’s looking beyond Sydney.
“What are you growling at, girl?”
I sit down next to Rowdi and look to the other end of the porch. There’s a white cat on it. Both Rowdi and I approach it, and then I see it’s not a cat but is a monkey. It has weird eyes and looks like an all-white lemur.
Suddenly, Rowdi grabs the monkey by its neck, and, within a second, kills it bloodlessly. She then walks off like nothing happens.
As far as I can remember, the dream ends with me telling SarahK what happened, a bit ambivalent about the issue. On one hand, it was disturbing to see sweet Rowdi kill something so violently, but, on the other hand, it was good she took out some crazed monkey that probably escaped from the zoo.
So what do you think the dream means? That I have a good dog?
Today’s Simpsons Trivia
1) In “Treehouse of Horror IX”, which Simpson turns out to be half alien?
2) What species are Chirpy Boy and Bart Jr.?
3) Who are the disc jockeys at Springfield radio station KBBL 102.5?
4) When Abe Simpson went to the original Woodstock, who did he want to see perform?
Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.
Today’s Simpsons Trivia
1) (T/F) Fat Tony is Springfield’s main mobster
2) Who do Jimbo and Kearney usually hang around with?
3) Who won a lot of money in a lawsuit against Itchy & Scratchy studios?
4) Name the waiter Freddy Quimby is accused of attacking?
Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.
So, Jewish Bloggers, what wars are you responsible for?
Well, thanks CNN.
Thank you for telling the world that Mel Gibson was out driving drunk, got in an altercation with the arresting officers, and didn’t make any berserk anti-Semitic comments at all.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m a very busy man. I’m responsible for all the wars in the world, you know.
How so?
Well, I started young, an apprentice manager of the Pepsi-Coke Cola Wars of the 80’s and worked my way up the ranks.
Then, I consulted with the Iran-Iraq Wars. You know, because sending Shia Persians against Sunni Arabs was a great way to thin the enemy herd.
From there, nothing but success. A stint managing the Bandeh Aceh War (more Islamic sectarian violence to thwat Indonesian imperial designs), a few months working with the El Salvador Conflict, a few weeks compounding the Yemeni and Chechen Civil Wars, and then off to South Ossetia for my greatest achievement.
All throughout, I would dabble with pricing wars in the airline industry, but that lost its lustre after 9/11. (I’m still pissed at the Jews who coordinated all of that… I wish they’d have told me before screwing up my own pricefixing gig).
I joined IMAO specifically for the opportunity to be the Jew who coordinates the first war on the moon. After all, Frank’s going to nuke the moon one day, so I might as well ride his coat-tails and make sure that someone gets nuked up there that deserves it.
Or not. After all, this is war, and war is hell.
So, Jewish Bloggers… what wars were you responsible for?
Brewmeister Glenn
(A Filthy Lie)
I was browsing Instapundit and noticed that he recently took a trip to a brewery.
Odd… Glenn’s into energy drinks, not alcohol…
Then I remembered how popular the Red Bull & Vodka mix is, and it occurred to me that Glenn might be arranging with the Downtown Grill & Brewery to start making some sort of puppy shake & beer hybrid.
Sure enough, I was right. Notice the label on that bottle near the bottom of the picture (circled in red):
(click to enlarge)
Here’s a close-up:
(click to enlarge)
If you’re out drinking in Knoxville, be sure to enunciate when you order your beer.