A Story, Bit by Bit
Hellbender: Part 16 – Surprise

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Bryce didn’t think this had much chance of succeeding, but he wasn’t going to profane what he was trying to do by putting some sort of Vegas Odds on it. Anyway, he convinced two others (Doug didn’t count) to go along with this non-plan to infiltrate an enemy base, so it must not have looked as hopeless as Bryce thought.
It wasn’t that Bryce had a death wish – he very much preferred living to the alternative – it was that society already had so many risks of deaths – were it being executed by the state for some perceived crime or getting killed on some pointless military mission – that he didn’t mind taking up a little more risk if it at least meant dying on his own terms for a cause he believed– that of course being 50,000 credits tax free. Thus, it wasn’t confidence that propelled Bryce in this situation, but instead it was the fact that he long ago gave up caring much about his inevitable death and thought he might as well enjoy all he could out of life before someone finally succeeded in putting a bullet in his head.
“What the hell kind of operation are you running here?” The person Bryce yelled at he assumed to be in charge since he was wearing a dress uniform and was the eldest and least befuddled of the group who met them at the Vera Research Facility lobby. Also, he was followed by two armed guards. He was also a large man who looked like he could flatten Bryce with a single swipe. The challenge was keeping him more afraid of Bryce than Bryce was of him.
“And who are you?” The man – who was named Reiter if Bryce’s assumptions were correct – looked to be forcibly holding back anger. That meant he felt there was at least some possibility Bryce was actually a government official.
Bryce got in his face. “You wouldn’t be asking that if you followed appropriate security procedures! I got in here with hardly any security checks!” Bryce pulled a pen from his pocket. “For all you know, I could be a deranged individual and this could be a bomb about to kill us all!” It was actually more of a flash grenade; Bryce forgot where he put his regular pen.
Reiter still looked a bit suspicious. “I never got a call…”
“Because it’s a surprise inspection; why are you people having trouble with that term. You need to call them to verify me. My name is Lancaster, and I’m with the Special Security Review… though they may be a little delay verify me since the security office had another name change that hasn’t propagated everywhere yet.”
Reiter sighed. “Again!” Bryce’s scam was based on the assumption that Emperor Asmod’s people dealt with roughly the bureaucracy has he did under Empress Proserpine. So far, that seemed to be working. And, to best imitate a bureaucrat with some power, Bryce only had to act extremely pompous and arrogant… which was easy enough.
Bryce carefully straightened his tie. “I want you to personally take me and my associate Chang on a tour of all the secure areas of this facility. Please don’t inform everyone in the building we are here, as this is, once again, a surprise inspection. My two technicians – whose names escape me – need to check out the computers running your alarms and surveillance.”
Reiter nodded to one of his guards. “Carlson, you handle them.” Carlson led Doug and Charlene down a hallway. That left Reiter with only one guard – an attractive but intimidating looking woman. Bryce suspected much of the security here were pros and not like the grunts who got them through the front. He also knew there was a decent chance he and Lulu would have to overpower Reiter and his guard at some point, though Bryce hoped to keep things at the intellectual instead of the physical. “Lancaster, I will have to call and…”
Bryce could hear Lulu scribbling in her notepad. He had instructed her to do that every so often to keep everyone on their toes. It worked, as everyone around immediately took notice. Now Bryce had to pick out something to be what she was writing about.
“Those speakers! They’re white!” Bryce looked at Reiter like he had missed that painting of the Emperor was hung upside down. “They need to be warning color such as red… or maybe yellow under certain situations.”
“I never knew of any regulation–”
Bryce put his finger in Reiter’s face. “Did you check the regulations today? Did you see the update?”
Reiter looked ready to get angry again, but he took a deep breath. “No, not today.”
Lulu wrote some more while Bryce threw his hands in the air. “I guess it didn’t matter to you, then!”
Reiter was flustered, but he regained himself. “So how did you get in this base without me hearing about it?”
“I meant to bring that up; two idiots Anders and Hill drove us in without checking on us at all. Really, what kind of operation is this?”
Reiter looked to the hapless Anders and Hill who still stood by holding bags of sandwiches. “He said this stuff about treason,” Anders said, “and–”
“Blair.”
Reiter’s guard pulled out a pistol and shot both Anders and Hill in the head. Bryce It was a somewhat bold move to try and intimidate him, but it’s not like he had never had anyone executed in front of him before. He just hoped Lulu was keeping her cool but couldn’t risk turning to check on her. She had seem fit enough for this work and had done a good job so far, as at least on of her lu’s seemed to stand for “lunatic”. As for Bryce, he had seen this coming and had secretly put in some earplugs which he now conspicuously took out. “Finally! Some positive action! I was wondering if I’d have to do that myself– as it is not my job. Can we get on with this?”
Reiter gave Bryce one last good look over before turning. “Follow me.”
Bryce had no idea how long it would take until enough phone calls were made that Reiter was certain that there were no Lancaster and Chang sent to inspect his facility. He was reasonably certain Doug would be okay then since he was with Charlene who seemed to be the type of person to be able to shoot her way out of most situations. As for what Bryce would do, he decided to surprise both them and himself when the time came.
Still, he hoped Lulu was at least a decent shot.
More importantly, Charlene and Doug had better have gotten their job done by then, or they were all dead anyway.
NEXT

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Proportional response

Q: Reports are breaking that a Hezbollah rocket has hit an Israeli hospital in the town of Safed. Doesn’t “proportional response” dictate that Israel can strike a Hezbollah-funded hospital with impunity?

Continue reading ‘Proportional response’ »

It’s all a distraction

I’ve been asked countless times by the other IMAO bloggers to weigh in on the proxy war that Syria and Ian find themselves in with Iran right now.
Wait… hold on… I’ll count them up right now…
Um… okay, so the number of times is zero. But I’m going to discuss it anyway.
You see, this is all one big distraction for a failed policy. The news fills up with scenes of Rafik Hariri International’s fuel tanks blowing sky-high, missiles raining down on Haifa, and protests all around the world accusing Israel of the first genocide in history which has resulted in a population explosion and not a population reduction or extermination. (It’s all a ploy to get them to breed themselves into a mass starvation.)
But that policy is not American. Nor is it Israel.
No, it’s a shark policy. The failed policy of sharks to avoid media attention when they plot their attacks on innocent jet ski riders, fishermen, and swimmers.
No, really. When was the last time you heard the MSM geeking out over a shark attack in Florida? Weeks? Months?
This entire Arabs taking soldiers hostages and the IDF pounding the snot out of anything that makes a nasty face back situation was all just a clever ruse to distract the public from the real problem, which is shark attacks.
Did you know that over 10,000 people have died from shark attacks in the last week?
Of course you didn’t. Because:

  • The media is too busy covering the war on Israel’s borders.
  • There haven’t been 10,000 shark attacks in the last week.

Let’s just focus on that first statement, because it’s the real problem here. That first statement tells a lot about the sorry state of the media these days. Throw all your resources at one story, do it to death, ratings drop because the public’s bored with no front on The War Against Sharks, and they get led off to a sexier and more interesting conflict.
You’d think the gator attacks in Florida would have thrown people off, but people were still wondering when the next shark attack would happen. It’s only a matter of time… people in Iowa and South Dakota sure need to worry about those shark attacks, MSNBC and CNN!
So when someone tells you that it’s all just a big Zionist Conspiracy in the media, tell them the Jews don’t control the media, people. It’s really the sharks.

Continue reading ‘It’s all a distraction’ »

Silly Sister Sarah on Amazon

My little sister got listed on Amazon.com before I did thanks to her first feature length movie with Costume Design credit coming out on DVD tomorrow.
Well, my name will be on Amazon.com when I get my book out; it’s coming.
Stop bothering me!

Red Humor

Here’s a neat essay on why Communism inspired so many jokes (as compared to other types of facism). I always have thought we need more serious analysis about humor.
(hat tip The Corner)
Anyone know of any site or book that has a good collection of Communist jokes? Oh, and if you have any favorites, put them in the comments.

We Could Have Peace in the Middle East If Only a Few More People Would Condemn Israel
An Editorial by Frank J.

 Now as Israel further continues the cycle of violence by once again responding to murder and kidnapping, peace in the Middle East seems ever more hopeless. If we ever want to have peace in the Middle East, we need even more people to do the brave thing and condemn Israel. Only that will send a clear message that violence – when committed by Jews – is wrong.

“Violence – when committed by Jews – is wrong.”

 Israel has had a long history of responding to attacks on its people, and what do they have to show for it? More attacks! Israel seems to have missed an essential fact about the area in which they live: It’s full of Muslims. Grass is green, the sky is blue, and Muslims live in corrupt dictatorships and murder people. That’s just how things are. Does Israel really think they can solve that with violent attacks against the violent? That’s madness. Israel should have known that, by their location, they were essentially agreeing to get murdered every so often; anything else is cultural ignorance. But, by joining our voices in a cry of condemnation, maybe we can wake Israel up to the fact. We’ll have to shout loud for them to hear us over Hezbollah’s bombs, but they have to hear us now.

 If you look at it, what other option does Israel have other than to stand there and take it when Muslims inevitably attack? Fighting back won’t discourage them; Muslims love getting killed and becoming martyrs. It’s like their favorite past time. Unless Israel plans to convert everyone in the Middle East to Judaism (and I know they aren’t; think of all the wangs that would need cutting), they’re going to get attacked no matter what they do. So why fight back? Unlike Muslims, Jews are supposed to know better about killing people. Do they really think they’re going to get recognized by more countries in the Middle East by reminding them how militarily impotent all those Muslim countries are? It’s foolishness, and, if only a few more of you would join me in telling Israel they are very very bad, maybe they’ll finally look past their dead to reason.

 Once we condemn Israel and get them to finally stop hurting their neighbor Muslims (who are very good at hurting each other anyway), maybe they can finally work out some treaties with those who want to murder them. They can put a limit on how many Jews can be killed a month. Of course, the Muslims will probably exceed the limit, but it’s the thought that counts. By negotiating with murderous Muslims on their terms, Israel would set an example for the rest of the world to follow.

 Israel is at war and surrounded by millions of people who want them dead, so what they need most right now is our criticism. Let’s remind them who were the ones who decided to be Jews where they are not wanted so maybe they’ll realize their folly and stop the aggression. Then we will finally have peace in the Middle East (as long as you don’t count Muslim violence — but who does?).
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “A History of Violence in the Middle East: A Brief on a Wide Range of Topics from Muslims to Islam” and “Tolerating Murder: A Guide to Cultural Sensitivity”.

Fun Facts About Montana

The IMAO Podcast is still on hiatus, but I have an irresistable urge to finish up the rest of the states in the Fun Facts About The 50 States series, so I’m going to forge ahead – hopefully on a weekly schedule.
Should the podcast return, this is the list from which I’ll pick & choose my favorite items to record.
(continued in extended entry)

Continue reading ‘Fun Facts About Montana’ »

Rhymes With…

Question: Why is George Lackoff still around? I would assume that even the liberals were laughing at him by now, but I found this link to a Chicago Tribune article about him on the DailyKos front-page. His book Don’t Think of an Elephant came out in 2004, but has reframing (giving new names to liberal crap) accomplished anything other than given Democrats some word games to play while losing elections? If it’s this easy to become a liberal prophet, them maybe I should figure a way of making some money off of it. Hmm…

Today’s Simpsons Trivia

(Introduction)


1) (T/F) In “Simpsons Bible Stories”, Nelson plays the part of Goliath
2) What is Reverend Lovejoy’s first name?
3) At what restaurant does Homer have a beef eating contet with Red Barclay?
4) After she gets her new Canyonero, Marge develops a serious case of what?
Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.