Normally, I’m a loyal contributor to this site, but Frank J. has said something completely false and cruel about Pacman that demands correction.
I agree that Pacman is “100% violent” as Frank claims, but the violence isn’t about dots and ghosts.
The real victim in all of this is Pacman himself.
Pacman has a chronic eating disorder. He’s addicted to food, and it’s all the fault of the Pellet Manufacturing Industry Lobby and the software developers for making that food both plentiful and easily-available to him.
Not only is that food abundant, but it’s horribly unhealthy. The nutritional value of those pellets are next to nothing… as empty of nutrients as Altoids Mints (but without the curious strength).
I mean, why else would he need to eat so much of it? And what do you think he does in between that pause where he clears a screen and the next one is being set up?
That’s right. He vomits it all back up.
Don’t blame the ghosts. Don’t you dare blame the ghosts.
All the ghosts are just trying to do is to get Pacman to face his food addiction and get him to stop eating so much. The ghosts aren’t trying to chase and kill Pacman… they’re trying to keep Pacman from killing himself!
And that’s why the Power Pellets are there in the corners… it’s a conspiracy by the Pellet Manufacturing Industry Lobby to turn Pacman against the ghosts. The ones that are trying desperately to save him.
Oh, God, how I wish the misery would end! How I long for the day where Pacman could stick to a healthy diet of fruits, vegetables, nuts, and whole grains.
Instead, those are just tossed into the maze as “Bonuses” now and then as a token attempt to appease nutritionists and the tireless crusaders of the FDA.
End the violence, Pacman. Have some delicious rice cakes and soy milk.

I’ve received quite a lot of feedback regarding this post. Here’s one I thought was important.
It’s from someone named spanglyshorts@simmons.com:

Dear Laurence,
I’m all too familiar with the horror of video game characters trying to maintain unrealistic body images. With today’s graphics advances, anti-aliasing techniques, and rendering technologies the characters feel compelled to do unspeakable things to themselves to remain popular.
Just the other day, I was chatting with Lara C. about her constant fight with the scale. She has an amazing workout routine, but she just doesn’t feed herself properly. And then there’s that awful disfiguring and unbalancing plastic surgery she was talked into doing.
I’ve let her know that it’s okay to be a little heavy as long as you’re healthy. As long as you’re fit, healthy-heavy can give you a chance at another important H, and that’s happy.
Maybe when she stops fighting with herself, she can finally focus on fighting evil. Defeat the enemy within yourself, and there’s no limit to what you can accomplish!
Making wishes everywhere come true,
Spangly Shorts
PS: Is there anything you can tell me that will get Gap-Toothed Variety Show Host to stop razzing me? All I want is a hug!

Thank you, Spangly Shorts, and good luck with your never-ending quest to win Gap-Toothed Variety Show Host’s eternal affection.

Apparently, some group that was discussing violence in videogames rated Pacman as 64% violent.
That’s crazy.
The way I play Pacman, it’s a 100% violent. As soon as Pacman is on screen, it’s a total massacre. And then, Pacman’s chief always calls him into his office and is like:

CHIEF: Pacman! I told you to get those dots off the streets, not litter the streets with bodies!
PACMAN: I’m just getting the job done, chief!
CHIEF: Your job is to eat those dots and to power up and apprehend any ghosts you see.
PACMAN: Why? As soon as I bust a ghost, those liberal judges have him right back out on the streets seconds later. It’s time to take them out for good!
CHIEF: It’s time you listen to me! I want your badge!

Then Pacman totally swears out the chief while I’m like, “Yeah, Pacman! You do things your way!”
And, even without his badge, Pacman goes back out and starts totally killing everyone who gets in his way again until he’s finally done in by his own heroin addiction.
They sure don’t make games like that anymore.

I’ve failed to mention all the great new designs by Harvey at the IMAO Store. I especially love the “Grammar Tip” one. He has a few more designs which I still need to add.
I’ll have to put up some new designs myself and finally put out another newsletter which will include the official explanation for what IMAO stands for (ThoseShirts.com has a shorter explanation in its FAQ, but the official explanation will be a bit more complex).
If I want your money, I need to work a bit harder for it.

Patterico puts forth the case with clear-cut evidence that Glenn Greenwald engages in sock puppetry. The question then becomes: So what?
The left-wing, nutsroots crowd of the blogosphere has been involved in a lot of moronic behavior from Kos’s “screw ’em” comments to their current obsession with taking down fellow Democrat Joe Lieberman (apparently since they’ve yet to have any success against the admittedly weak Republicans). Maybe each of these incidents are nothing in themselves, but it does suggest their a certain culture to the nutsroots… a “Culture of Patheticness”, perhaps?
Or does a phrase like that need alliteration (“Culture of Crazy” seems too obvious)?
What are your ideas for characterizing the muckadoo wing of the blogosphere?

Basil has the scoop on the puppy blender’s new beverage of choice. He may have stopped it by exposing it; good work, Basil!