Al-Zawahiri has released a new video in which he vows that Islam will reign from “Spain to Iraq.” Apparently, as dictated in the video, this is Al Qaeda’s new plan:
Phase 1: Get Muslims to rise up and “martyr” selves
Phase 2: ?
Phase 3: Entire world under Islamic rule
Seems fool proof.
I have one criticism, though: As long as you’re doing low budget movies set in caves, you should at least have a monster chasing you to make it more interesting.
Seriously, if you want Islam to take over Europe, Al Qaeda has a lot to learn from Muslim immigrants. They just move in, slowly try to get their Islamic law to apply in otherwise secular, democratic countries, and gradually they take over. There’s not much blowing yourself up in this strategy, so it’s not that glorious an invasion– but it works!
Seems to me that Al-Zawahiri is like Jesse Jackson in that regard. Dangerous, but not necessary.
ummm…if they want Europe…ok…they can have it and all they people in it!
Wow,… anybody remember the “Underpants Gnomes” from South Park and their master plans?!?!
I’m very disappointed in you Frank. How could you ignore this parallel??
So,… if they’re wearing the clean white cloths on their heads… then what’s on downstairs?!?!
FrankJ:
You wrote:
“Phase 1: Get Muslims to rise up and “martyr” selves
Phase 2: ?
Phase 3: Entire world under Islamic rule”
Would you describe this attempt at humor as a joke “stolen” from The South Park underpants episode or an uncredited “homage” to that episode?
Peace,
Monkey Faced Liberal
Anyone who doesn’t understand that’s a reference to the Underpants Gnomes episode of South Park would be a very uncultured person.
Hey! I represent that!
Frank J – Does this mean that you and MFL are back on face-punching terms? I thought you sent him/her/it to the corn field? Does this mean that your powers are weakening? If so, does that mean we can expect even more cat blogging? Has SarahK gotten over Kellie Pickler getting a recording contract? How many questions does it take to make your head explode?
“ummm…if they want Europe…ok…they can have it and all they people in it!”
-ussjimmycarter
On instinct I would agree with you, but careful and dangerous research indicates that there are still some reality-based folks over there, and they’re fighting hard.
check out http://gatesofvienna.blogspot.com/
These guys in Europe deserve our support, especially because the cause seems so very lost over there.
If they all “martyr” selves who will be left to rule? Not that I’d mind finding out.
RipRip – There you go! Just like the freakin’ New York Times! Pointing out the flaws in the enemy’s plans only serves to make us weaker. I hope you’re proud of yourself.
Someone should hit those pussy muslims with a stick…damn pussy muslims…DEMOCRATS PISS ME OFF!!!
I just realized you can’t compare underpants gnomes with muslims, as underpants gnomes are WAY tougher than your average overweight nine year old, unlike those pussy muslims.
Gunga:
Does “I thought you sent him/her/it to the corn field?”
mean
“We rewrote his comments because they were hurting our sensitive little egos?”
Peace,
Monkey Faced Liberal
P.S. FrankJ — good to see that you are at least “referencing” jokes from good sources.
Now, if only you were creative enough develop your own orginal ideas. That would be awesome.
Love the precision guided humor!
MFL. Sending a person to the corn field is a refrence to an old twilight zone episode where a little boy was able to send people who pissed him off to a corn field or just make them disaper. Simpsons onced used it in one pf their treehouse of horrer shows with bart as the little boy.
So now MFL is blaming his stupidity on “editing”. How do we know he doesn’t work for the NYT?
well, he might have once worked at the Times, but they just laid off a bunch of monkey faced liberals. they only allowed the cute MFL to remain.
See why I am so grateful to the US and Israel?
FrankJ: Courage.
In the message broadcast by Al-Jazeera television, Ayman al-Zawahiri, second in command to Usama bin Laden, said that Al Qaeda now views “all the world as a a stage”.
“It is a Jihad for the sake of Jihad and will last until (our) religion prevails … from Spain to Iraq,” al-Zawahiri said. “Or until the new season of CSI: Miami starts. Then a cease-fire is possible as the US bombings have destroyed all of our DVD players”.
He also said that Arab regimes were complicit in Israeli fighting against Hezbollah and the Palestinians. “My fellow Muslims, it is obvious that Arab and Islamic governments are not only impotent but also complicit … and you are alone on the battlefield. Rely on God and fight your enemies … make yourselves martyrs and for Allah’s sake get your leaders some Viagra”.
Al-Zawahiri wore a gray robe and white turban in the video, as well as a magnificent multi-colored scarf that came from Neiman Marcus. A picture of the burning bush was on the wall behind him along with photos of two other militants. One appeared to be a bearded Mohammed Atta, the Egyptian ringleader of the Al Qaeda branch of the Barnum and Bailey circus. The other was Mohammed ATeF, also known as Jan et al Reno, a former top lieutenant of bin Laden who was killed in a U.S. airstrike on the DNC in November 2001.
The Arab satellite station did not transmit the entire tape, using instead selected quotes interspersed with commentary from anchor Chevy Chase.
An Al-Jazeera official speaking on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak to reporters without clearance from the NY Times, said the full tape was about five hundred feet long. The satellite channel aired only about half the message. It would not say how it received the tape but an unidentified source said it was a Ramadan gag gift.
“The shells and rockets ripping apart Muslim bodies in Gaza and Lebanon are not only Israeli (weapons), but are supplied by all Walmarts and SuperKs throughout the countries of the crusader coalition. Therefore, every participant in the crime will pay the price, or at the minimum wholesale prices” al-Zawahiri said from his register at Walmart.
“We cannot just watch these shells as they burn our brothers in Gaza and Lebanon and stand by idly, humiliated,” he added. “Maybe we should pop some corn to eat as we watch,” his lieutenant suggested.
The message was al-Zawahiri’s 10th this year. Bin Laden has issued five messages in a particularly active year of messages from the top Al Qaeda leadership, who prefers e-mails but cannot get Roadrunner in his gave in Durkadurkastan.
Al-Zawahiri last appeared in a video posted on an Islamic Web site on the one-year anniversary of the train bombings in London, and was backed up by the Spice Girls. In the July 7 video, he sang two of the four suicide bombers ballads from his last album, “Having a Blast in London” .
The two top Al Qaeda leaders also paid tribute in June to the slain leader of their Iraq network, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, in separate recordings. Many of their messages this year have dealt with current events in Afghanistan, Iraq, Somalia and the NYSE.
Al Qaeda’s media production wing, Gangstal-Sahab, had announced the al-Zawahiri tape would be ready soon in a message earlier Thursday on an Islamic Web site.
Actually, what I meant was that Frank J. is an overlord from the planet Del Monte and he actaully has the power to send idiots to “the cornfield.” It only works on the truly weak-minded. He does it by
It seems to me that the problem is that Ms. Sarah Fleming didn’t do the costuming for this video. He will pay dearly for that.
Ooh! Ooh!! Aah Aah!!! FrankJ no funni!!! FrankJ no r origunal!!! Screeech!!! flings poo
Is there somewhere we can send money and or goods to the martyr yourself brigade. I’d really like to speed that part of the plan along. After all, if you’re already set on destroying yourself it seems a shame to let a lack of funding stand in your way.
Say hey to Allah when you see him. The climate should be pretty much similiar to what your used to. Hot, Dry, Dusty and miserable. Enjoy
Sean,
And for some reason, an unquenchable fire and the persistent smell of burning sulfur.
“Islam will reign from Spain to Iraq”
Not very catchy, is it? Now, “Islam will reign from Spain to Bahrain” is the kind of thing that just might catch on. Lucky they didn’t think of that. Stupid terrorists!
Lol… “The reign from Spain stays mainly on their brains.”… It’s like My Fair Lady with burqas & kaffiyas.
I just had a scathingly brilliant idea. Why don’t we free all the Muslim women, teach them about democracy and prop them up as the official governments in the Mid East.
This has the opportunity to do two things, seriously emasculate the men and give the West leaders that they can at least talk to.
Who knows, a couple of years behind the veil and even the most fanatical jihadist will conform. Or they’ll die out, either way it’s a win-win for the rest of the world.
Monkey,
I can’t think of anything more pathetic than a guy who spends his days trolling a random blog to criticize the originality of a post.
I’m serious
I’m trying
To put this in full perspective, I once saw an armadillo along the side of a road who had been hit by a car, and was trying to climb to the curb, but couldn’t because he was too hurt; he was trying to get to safety but just couldn’t do it. Until this day, I thought that was the most pathetic thing I had ever seen.
I was wrong.
MFL is gayer than the Kozy FM Halloween Haunt.