7-time Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong was recently quoted as saying about the French soccer team:
“All their players tested positive… for being arseholes.”
Hold your applause…
When later asked if he regretted making the statement, he replied:
“No, I don’t regret it.”
NOW you can applaud.
While you’re doing that, you can check this list of the top 10 other things the French have tested positive for:
10) Cowardice
9) Nazi complicity
8) Cheese
7) Snotty waiters
6) Wine
5) Whine
4) Black market Iraqi oil
3) Peculiar odors
2) The Holy Grail
And the #1 thing the French have tested positive for
1) Teenagers who are too lazy to work, but not too lazy to riot.
// Teenagers who are too lazy to work, but not too lazy to riot.//
Rioting only takes a couple of hours to accomplish properly AND you get to drink while you’re doing it, much more fun than a job
“You have to have a sense of humour to understand.”
He should have delivered the punchline ala Eugene Fullstack or Myron Mertz. There would be frogs rolling in their Brie right now.
Frank,
You forgot stupidity, irrationality and cluelessness. How else can one explain their immigration policy (which should provide us in the US with a example of
What Not to Do!)
Harvey,
I hate to correct posters on IMAO that aren’t Frank, but the French soccer team can’t have testicular cancer, because they don’t have testicles.
1) Every form of STD known to man.
2) A few new STDs.
3) Monkey DNA in the coding sequences for their faces.
4) Propensity for armpit hair among females.
5) Propensity for male homosexuality (see #4).
6) Immobile pets in their homes – they’ll screw anything that moves.
7) Year-round 24-hour Jerry Lewis comedy marathon.
8) Peppy Le Pew consistently as “French Idol”.
9) A graveyard of brave American soldiers because they don’t have a black market to get their own.
10) A vast left wing conspiracy to undermine America’s native-born culture with “french” fries and “french” toast.
Why is this country still on my planet???
Ok. Nuke the moon, but then I get to nuke France.
Surrender
Monkey Facedness
i like the french…compared to them they make EVERYONE look great!
France is actually regarded very highly by many famous people:
France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes.” –Mark Twain
“I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.” –General George S. Patton
“Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.” –Norman Schwartzkopf
“We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it.” –Marge Simpson
“As far as I’m concerned, war always means failure.” –Jacques Chirac, President of France
“As far as France is concerned, you’re right.” –Rush Limbaugh
“The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee.” –Regis Philbin
“The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don’t know.” –P.J O’Rourke (1989)
“You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn’t have the face for it.” –John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona
“They’ve taken their own precautions against Al Qaeda. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house.” –Argus Hamilton
“The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.” –Dennis Miller
“I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac.” –Dennis Miller
“You know why the French don’t want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He IS French, people.” –Conan O’Brien
“I don’t know why people are surprised that France won’t help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn’t help us get the Germans out of France!” –Jay Leno
“The last time the French asked for ‘more proof,’ it came marching into Paris under a German flag.” –David Letterman
How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.
An old saying: Raise your right hand if you like the French…. Raise both hands if you are French.
Next time there’s a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.
Where do you go to find 60.1 nillion French jokes? France.
LOL!!!
I was going add a couple to the list, but they would just pale in comparison to what cap just posted. Good job, cap!