Israel is currently attacking everyone in sight for some crazy Jewish reason. How much longer until they expand their violent outburst and attack the U.S. too? They’ve already run over one American, Rachel Corrie, with a bulldozer, and you know they’re revving their engines ready to get the rest of us.
Middle Eastern scholars have long argued that Israel should not exist and that they should all be pushed into the sea. This is a reasonable stance if you look at all the facts.
FACT: The first terrorist in history was actually a Jew. His name was Moses, and he plotted to overthrow the Egyptian government with various biological warfare attacks.
FACT: After Moses stole all the Egyptian Jews and led them to their “promised land” (which was somewhere in Europe), no Jew ever set foot in the Middle East until the 1940s.
FACT: The only interest Jews have in the Middle East is controlling the world’s supply of oil and Muslims.
FACT: Jewish meddling has set Middle Eastern countries back decades in the progress they’ve made in destroying each other in endless war.
FACT: Any objective interpretation of history shows that the Palestinians have a rightful claim to the land Israel is on since DNA evidence proves that they licked it first.
FACT: Underwater expeditions have turned up numerous menorahs and matzah balls in the Mariana Trench, proving that the sea is the true Jewish homeland. Thus, pushing Jews into the sea is actually doing them a favor.
FACT: Despite his Aryan appearance, Aquaman is Jewish, further proving Jews belong in the sea.
FACT: Israel constantly attacks Palestinians with no provocation to get new footage for the hit reality show The World’s Most Hilarious Dying Muslims. The all time favorite death was when they hit that guy in a wheelchair with a cruise missile. You can’t beat that.
FACT: Israel is only attacking Lebanon because July is their sweeps month.
FACT: Israeli bulldozer are actually very poor at dozing bulls and are in fact designed only for running over dumb hippies.
FACT: Laurence Simon, token IMAO Jew and Israel supporter, is mean.
I think when you look at all the facts, you’ll have to admit that Israel should not exist and all Jews should be pushed into the sea. Make sure to call your Congressman.
One thing I’ve noticed so far:
Israel has been blowing up bridges and airport runways and large buildings.
Jews hate concrete.
I’ve been pushed into Galveston Bay and a few bayous.
Didn’t like it. I don’t think the sea will be any better.
I dunno, Laurence. Pirates are in.
Were there Jewish pirates?
Oy ho ho?
Admit it, Frank. You plagarized all of that from Cynthia McKinney’s campaign website.
Israel hates these cans.
I sat through a couple lectures on bibilical archeology from some Israeli Finkelstein supporter last week. (who claims that all historic claims of Jews to Israel are not backed by history, despite the internal flawed logic of the archeological/biblical interpretations one needs to draw this conclusion, etc. that I pointed out but apparently went over his head. Oh well). At any rate, I wish to God I had that “licked it first” line on hand last week.
Right now I want so badly to Photoshop Towlie from South Park on some terrorists head with a bubble saying “I have no idea what’s going on”. Or on that professor from UW-Madison that’s been on the news lately.
Let us not forget how they fibbed their way back into Israel with all that Holocaust bull excrement, essentially tricking all those Middle Eastern Muslims into giving up their holy land to the Jews.
C’mon, we all know that it was really the Joooos along with the Bush administration that took down the Twin Towers. This was so they had an excuse to go to war in the Middle East and get gas and oil prices real high for Bush and Cheney’s pals and then Halliburtin could move in and clean up afterward. Those whacky Joooos!!!
Boon – I was busy pushing Lawrence Simon into Galveston Bay when you stole my line…but that’s OK. My new girlfriend says she’s going to give me some kind of a job. I can sure use the money…to pay someone to push Lawrence Simon and his cats into Galveston Bay.
“Laurence” Johnson?…not “Lawrence” Johnson? You mean I’ve been pushing a Prebyterian plumber into Galveston Bay…not the metrosexual Jooooo with the cats?
I just want to know how the Jooo’s managed to slip the Temple under that Mosque. As a people they have always been very entertaining and thats one magic show that surely must have impressed MoHamhead.
cirby,
It’s a little-known fact that Blackbeard’s real name was Mordechai Horowitz. He changed it to strike fear into the hearts of his enemies and impress the chicks.
Laugh if you want but all the juice are doing is driving up the price of concrete and making building our dream homes more expensive. Those juice are bastards.
You forgot that the Juice have a lock on all the good party tent locations and 98% of the world’s supply of lox. Just who do they think they are, anyway? If they can’t be pushed into the Red Sea, how about the East River?
Ahhhh, come on Frank!
Aren’t you being a little “disproportionate” – Out of proportion, as in size, shape, or amount.
dis·pro·por·tion·ate – adj 1: out of proportion [syn: disproportional] [ant: proportionate] 2: not proportionate
dispro·portion·ate·ly adv.
dispro·portion·ate·ness n.
… Those french!
Frank J.
Do the Jews DESERVE to exist ?
Definitely.
Do you ?
Nice spoof. Unfortuately DailyKos beat you to it with this post entitled “Imagine A World Without Israel”: (http://www.dailykos.com/story/2006/7/12/214150/522
Oh, yeah, it wasn’t a spoof. Neither were the hundreds of dittoheads echoing the JooHatred.
I am the most pissed(pardon the pun) at the joos for starting this whole circumcision fad. I mean I am protestant and my folks bought into it and had it done to me. True, I was 29 at the time and wouldnt leave home…
What a bunch of bull shit. Maybe next time those moon god worshipping POS will not kidnap, and kill those Jewish folks. I hope Israel beats the living dog crap out of everyone of those terrorist bastards.
“I just want to know how the Jooo’s managed to slip the Temple under that Mosque. As a people they have always been very entertaining and thats one magic show that surely must have impressed MoHamhead.”
Pfui. See. You just hate us ’cause we’re smarter than Mo-Hammerhead and we’re smarter than you too. We can do things that make your head spin. Like in the Exorcist. Yeah.
I refuse to be pushed into any body of water. I will, however, relax in a bubblebath. If you all ask NICELY.
P.
You got me, I’ll admit it. It took a while–it being rather late–for me to realize this was satire. Shows how oversensitive we Juices can be.
Great post. (BTW, if we have all the lox, can I get some good belly lox? Only the goyim eat Nova.)
I find the haha comment to be extremely offensive as well as spammeric.
There is no Israel . It is a hoax perpetrated by the Jews in Hollywood. The Jews always been war criminals, they killed a lot of kids in Egypt, their only crime to be first born, Then they put the Nazis in concentration camps after WW2 and persecuted them at Nuremberg.
Jews got no moxie or chutzpah they are just nebishes and schmucks, they are all just short people with no reason to live.
Don’t let anyone tell you any different.
I would appreciate it if someone could remove about 4700 HA’s from the earlier post.
//Middle Eastern scholars //
This bit alone made this post giggle worthy…oxymoron much?
It never ceases to amaze me how much Historical Amnesia these guys have. I say let them attach Israel. Then when all the Big Bad Arab countries get their asses kicked by a nation the size of Rhode Island, they can get more land and make the Moose-Limbs look as jackassed at they really are.
LOL
As always, I bow at your great wisdom and vision, oh great Frank. I would suggest that we can trick those evil joooos out of the Holy Land pushing them into a jacuzzi with some pretty chicks. What about that?
pushes Laurence towards the Gulf down in Galveston
hahah guess I should read at least some of the comments before I post since L has already been pushed into the gulf…he didn’t sink…maybe he’s not a Jew afterall but really a witch!