Fun Facts About Montana

The IMAO Podcast is still on hiatus, but I have an irresistable urge to finish up the rest of the states in the Fun Facts About The 50 States series, so I’m going to forge ahead – hopefully on a weekly schedule.
Should the podcast return, this is the list from which I’ll pick & choose my favorite items to record.
(continued in extended entry)


Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States. I’m your host, Harvey, and – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting – yet completely useless, and probably untrue – information about each of the 50 states.
This week, we’ll be finding out what it’s like to live 200 miles from your nearest neighbor as we visit Montana, so let’s get started…

Montana became the 41st state on November 8th, 1889. It was originally settled by a herd of moose who eventually lost the territory to white settlers in a poker game.
Seems that moose always twitch their antlers when they’re bluffing.
The first large-scale vigilante force was formed to police the lawless Montana Territory in 1884. That year, 35 head of cattle were executed for rustling themselves.
Montana’s nickname is “The Nervous Sheep State”.
It was legal to drink while driving in Montana until October 1, 2005, when the Kennedy Prevention Act was finally passed.
The Bitterroot is the state flower of Montana. The root is so bitter that eating it is actually forbidden by law, lest the person eating it turn into a Democrat.
After years of Montana having no speed limit on its highways, it was finally set at 65mph in 1999, effectively killing the state’s antelope drag-racing industry.
In Butte, Montana, it’s legal to shoot anyone who deliberately mispronounces the city’s name and giggles.
Montana is believed to have the largest grizzly bear population in the US, although the number may include some of the local women who were counted by mistake.
The state song of Montana is “What’s That Bear Doing In The Woods?”
Montana gets its name from the Spanish word for “moose chalupa”.
The state tree of Montana is the Ponderosa Pine, which has a much better salad bar than the Bonanza Pine.
The state bird of Montana is the Meadowlark, which terroizes the skies above the state’s human residents much as their prehistoric pteradactyl ancestors did.
The Montana Yogo Sapphire is the only North American gem included in the Crown Jewels of England, except for the Texas Yee Haw Diamond.
In 1888, Helena, Montana, had more millionaires per capita than any other city in the world. In 1889, God sent a plague of elk to devour them all for their sinful ways.
The population density of Montana is 6 people per square mile. About the same as a Dixie Chicks concert.
The first bobsled track in North America was built at Lolo Pass, Montana in 1965 in the hopes that it would enable the American Olympic team to finally defeat those feisty Jamaicans.
Combination, Comet, Keystone, and Pony are some of the quaintly-named Montana ghost towns from which the Brady Bunch have successfully escaped.
Virginia City, Montana was founded in 1863 and has remained completely unchanged for the last 100 years, much like the Democratic Party.
The highest point in Montana is Granite Peak, which stands 12,799 feet tall, give or take a mountain goat.
The world’s largest glacier is in Montana’s Glacier National Park, where it has been carefully preserved inside the world’s largest glass of Scotch.
Glacier National Park also boasts the world’s most elaborate security system, which was specifically designed to keep Ted Kennedy out.
The mountains of Montana have yielded a treasure trove of prehistoric artifacts over the years, including dinosaur eggs, and a speech by Howard Dean from his sane period.
The Battle of Little Bighorn National Monument is located just south of Billings, Montana, and marks the spot where General Custer and his men were slaughtered by Plains Indians for not tipping their waitresses at the casino.
The “Going to the Sun Road” in Glacier Park, Montana, is considered one of the most scenic drives in America, second only to New Jersey’s “Toxic Waste Trail”.
The state motto of Montana is “Oro y Plata” – meaning “gold and silver” – which was selected in 1890 by then-governor Yukon Cornelius.
In Montana, the elk, deer, and antelope populations outnumber the humans, but they are not allowed to vote because of Apartheid.
To this day, Nelson Mandelka remains a political prisoner in Billings.
The Roe River near Great Falls, Montana, is the world’s shortest river. At 58 feet, it’s 10 feet shorter than the drool-trail left typically left by Michael Moore while entering a McDonald’s.

Motorcyle daredevil Evel Knievel was born in Butte, Montana. Despite his many legendary stunts, he never did manage to make it across Springfield Gorge on his skateboard.

That wraps up the Montana edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll likely be murdered by feral Corn-Children as we visit Nebraska.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to get a Moose Chalupa.


[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

9 Comments

  1. Back to Montana Overview
    Although Montana is no longer the Wild West, it remains a state where the wildlife outnumbers the people. Its independent, friendly residents treasure the solitude Montana’s wilderness areas provide, and they do all they can to protect them, going as far as kidnapping and murder if need be.
    Travel into the backcountry of Glacier National Park and you’ll find unspoiled scenery and mountain folk that looks just like your worst nightmares from Deliverance. However, for those who like to keep the modern world close at hand, there are plenty of comfortable guest ranches and resorts, providing hookers and drugs so all you city folks are right at home. Montant has thriving cities with plenty of cultural offerings to go along with the scenic vistas and outdoor adventure. Did you know Montana was the capital of midget porn? Now that’s culture!
    So the choice is yours: You can explore historic sites, ski across world-class terrain and get high as a kite with the local Indians. At night you can camp in a secluded corner with a skanky hooker all your own or stay at a luxurious lodge with whores that have more tracks on their arms than Amtrak. The range of possibilities may surprise you. Just be sure to spend some time outdoors, whether it’s with a backpack, a canoe, a coke spoon or a golf cart. Montana’s panoramas of mountains, lakes, rivers,ranches, drug dealers and hookers will disappoint no one.

  2. Well, Harvey, if you ever decide you believe in God, you will know he is merciful for not striking you dead for the “Nelson Mandelka” pun.
    I think I’ll have another Starbucks to wash the bitterness of that one out of my mouth. Dark roast. Extra expresso. No sugar. With a charcoal brickette for a scone.

  3. I’m saddened to learn that Montana has a speed limit now! I always loved the fact that they told the Feds to shove it up their collective asses during the days of the double nickle…sigh…guess it’s not surprising considering we are in the age of Brokeback Mountain and all…

  4. Did Montana ever have a 55 speed limit? Because that table has a 65 and “Reasonable and prudent” limit.
    My “information” was from when they had a 55 limit and were upset that the Feds had forced them to do that. I could be wrong, but that table doesn’t address pre-1995 limits. 1995 is when they started phasing out the 55mph limit.

  5. I should have waited
    This guy claims
    Montana and Nevada, with their “reasonable and prudent” upper limit, both felt very strongly that this imposition was unreasonable. Montana’s view resulted in a derisory “energy wasting” speeding ticket of only $5 for those who broke the 55mph limit on roads which would otherwise not have had a fixed limit.

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