After reading The Da vinci Code, it got me to thinking. What if it’s true?? Then Jesus had a family. and that family must still be around. Well, it didn’t take too long for some of the “Jesus family” to start appearing.
Of course, the lady mentioned in the link above – who already has a book coming out – would NEVER consider writing for IMAO. So we decided to do some investigative work. Thankfully, you can find anything through Google. Except, of course, “Chinese repression.”
After much effort and countless popup ads, I, RghtWingDuck have discovered the Fountain of Truth!!!. Yes, we have discovered a Jesus family member willing to write for us!!
You might be saying.. That’s silly. There’s no proof you have the real deal.
Hey, folks. This is IMAO you’re talking about. We have a reputation for doing the type of research that made Dan Rather who he is.
Here is the copy of newly googled ancient hiddent texst to back up my assertions.
The Clan of Stephen Stephen.
Afterwards, Jesus went off with Mary Magdalene to his honeymoon. “Can you believe we fooled them all?”
“Jesus Christ we did!” replied Mary.
“Hey!” Jesus said. “That almost sounded as if you were using my name as a curse word.”
And Jesus and Mary ended up fighting on the night of their honeymoon
Later they made up and had a good laugh at all the people they fooled. “Hope, salvation and eternal life? As. If” giggled Jesus. “I came here to hang out with the guys and settle down. Maybe one day have me some kids when the time is right.”
Then Mary held up a dead rabbit. “Jesus Christ, do I have a surprise for you!”
After eating dinner Jesus said, “That was some tasty rabbit. So what is my surprise?” Then Mary told him and Jesus exclaimed, “But I formed the earth and all that is in it! I was there at the beginning of time. I’m just not ready for kids. ”
And so Mary and Jesus had them many a children. But their children were tucked away into hiding because those crazy Christians were out talking about the salvation of Christ and peace everlasting, when all Jesus came for was to make babies and have them spread the word about how he came to make er – um – babies.
Here is the genealogy of the One True Real Church.
And Jesus and Mary begat Terese, Silvia, and Stephen. Terese who was their pride and joy. grew up and married a nice Jewish boy named Morty-kai. Morthy and Terese had their three children Rachel, Marie, and Shaquiqua – who didn’t look much like Morty but he kept h is mouth shut because his father in law said it would be a really sad thing if part of Morty were to fall off – if you know what we mean.
Silvia moved to the town of Nazareth where she opened a stand selling wooden crosses to unsuspecting Christian tourists. Silvia never married but did live with a nice lady named Helen who was rugged and very good at construction.
Stephen met nice girl who begat 4 kids. Stephen George, Stephen Michael, Stephen Paul, and Stephen Stephen.
The boys fought and squabbled over whom Grandad loved best.
Eventually, the group of Jesus kids grew and grew and populated over the entire earth, including Arkansas, where the son’s of Stephen Stephen would one day settle.
Here is the genealogy of the group of Stephen Stephen of Arkansas.
Moe begat Meenie (whom he would have named Miney but couldn’t decide) who later begat Jed, Ned, and Bubba. These kids got along well, except when it came time for schooling and washing behind the ears. Eventually, Ned and Ted died in a horrible accident involving a combine and three fifths of hooch.
Bubba stayed to run the family farm and cater to the needs of the masses.
**
To this day, Bubba is there for us. A member of the One True Real Church, he cares about himself and you. Mostly himself.
However, by offering the right incentive, the group at IMAO was able to secure his willingness to blog and answer the questions that mankind needs answered. More soon.