I’ve been asked countless times by the other IMAO bloggers to weigh in on the proxy war that Syria and Ian find themselves in with Iran right now.
Wait… hold on… I’ll count them up right now…
Um… okay, so the number of times is zero. But I’m going to discuss it anyway.
You see, this is all one big distraction for a failed policy. The news fills up with scenes of Rafik Hariri International’s fuel tanks blowing sky-high, missiles raining down on Haifa, and protests all around the world accusing Israel of the first genocide in history which has resulted in a population explosion and not a population reduction or extermination. (It’s all a ploy to get them to breed themselves into a mass starvation.)
But that policy is not American. Nor is it Israel.
No, it’s a shark policy. The failed policy of sharks to avoid media attention when they plot their attacks on innocent jet ski riders, fishermen, and swimmers.
No, really. When was the last time you heard the MSM geeking out over a shark attack in Florida? Weeks? Months?
This entire Arabs taking soldiers hostages and the IDF pounding the snot out of anything that makes a nasty face back situation was all just a clever ruse to distract the public from the real problem, which is shark attacks.
Did you know that over 10,000 people have died from shark attacks in the last week?
Of course you didn’t. Because:
- The media is too busy covering the war on Israel’s borders.
- There haven’t been 10,000 shark attacks in the last week.
Let’s just focus on that first statement, because it’s the real problem here. That first statement tells a lot about the sorry state of the media these days. Throw all your resources at one story, do it to death, ratings drop because the public’s bored with no front on The War Against Sharks, and they get led off to a sexier and more interesting conflict.
You’d think the gator attacks in Florida would have thrown people off, but people were still wondering when the next shark attack would happen. It’s only a matter of time… people in Iowa and South Dakota sure need to worry about those shark attacks, MSNBC and CNN!
So when someone tells you that it’s all just a big Zionist Conspiracy in the media, tell them the Jews don’t control the media, people. It’s really the sharks.
Okay, so it might be Jewish sharks, but I don’t know of any rabbi with the cojones to wave a bris knife at a Great White for the conversion.
Not to mention the shark attack link to global warming. It is clearly demonstrated on at least fourteen or fifteen public access cable channels in the greater Klamath Falls area that higher temperatures cause crabbiness and general irritability. Combine that with a 1200 lb killing machine which has not evolved substantially for over 100 million years and whamo!
There you go!
Capitalist swine! WE have been cross-breeding sharks and polar bears in preparation for the coming global warming catastrophe! Our mutant army of polar sharks will march across the arctic tundra and capture your entire northern oil reserves while eating all of your Eskimo Pies! Yes! ALL of it will be OURS! Bwahahahahahahhhhaaaaaaaa!….. What?…. They don’t put real Eskimos in those? Then what will our mutant army eat?
Oh, sorry. Never mind.
Does anyone want to buy a slightly hungry and very grouchy mutant army at a bargain price? Personally endorsed as environmentally friendly by Al Gore.
“Let’s focus on the first statement” – Brilliant. You’re scary, Laurence. Ever work for the ACLU or Time?
To paraphrase James Lileks when he thought to correct his 5-year-old daughter’s impression that Ariel Sharron was The Little Mermaid, I doubt that they’d be Jewish given the amount of time they spend with shellfish.
I went to the pro-Israel rally here in Chicago. There were protesters on the opposite side and some freaking woman who yelled over and over “Stop killing children” in a voice that leads me to believe from its echo across the plaza that she’s been on my train using her cell phone. Anyway, I’m sure she’s pro-late-term-abortion and completely unaware of Arafat trying to attack that school in Israel some decades back, or wouldn’t care if she did know.
At the end, the speaker lead a song in Hebrew, which made me sad because 90 percent of them sang along – I was hoping the non-Jewish supporters like mysel would have been a higher percentage.
Yo, Israel, keep kicking ass and not worrying about taking names. In the end this will be called the Civillzation War.
Infidel Castrol
Go ask Glenn, he’s got an ‘Army of Davids’, maybe you could trade your grouchy mutant BearSharks for productive Jews.
Somebody say something about a Jewish fish!
Big Boy
Cambada de filhos da puta.
Uh, something about a prostitute? I don’t speak Spanish.