(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
For some reason, I was always under the impression that the protections afforded to prisoners of war under the Geneva Convention treaty only applied to uniformed soldiers fighting for countries that signed the treaty.
Apparently you don’t have to sign the treaty.
Or wear a uniform.
But who am I to question? The courts have reached deeply into this mysterious document and discovered rights for terrorists like Lance Burton yanking doves out of his ass.
I suppose the next time the question comes up, they’ll find that terrorists have the right to:
- A box of sand so they won’t get homesick. Used kitty litter is not an acceptable substitute.
- A supportive visit from Cindy Sheehan (non-conjugal), and a bite of her vanilla fast cream.
- A supportive visit from a goat (conjugal).
- A cell phone to vote for the “America’s Got Talent” contestant of their choice and/or trigger an IED.
- A gasoline-soaked American flag and a Zippo.
- Only be forced to make license plates if they say “I H8 USA”.
- A Rock hammer and a poster of Raquel Welch.
- An iPod loaded with that hideous, screechy, wailing music they like. Anything by Kenny G will do.
- Soprano sax?… Dude… that is TOTALLY gay.
- A turban, or at least a stylin’ fedora.
- Weekly viewings of “Team America: World Police” so that they can hear someone speaking in their native tongue.
- Access to the Bush Administration’s top secret war plans. A New York Times subscription is also acceptable.
- A Koran, a prayer mat, and a Jew to blame all their problems on.
- A replacement Jew if that one gets blown up.
I’m pretty sure that they’re also entitled to a bullet in the head, and I think it’s a shame our troops didn’t provide that a LONG time ago.
Burkka, Burkka, Burkka… I agree with everything except the Kenny G part… Totally Gay? Totally! But that is over the top to make ANYONE listen to!
I don’t know Harv, that visit from Cindy Sheehan sounds kind of scary, even if she’s bringing ice cream.
I’d also add recordings of Hillary speeches…over and over and over and over and over and over again!!! Now that’s cruel and unusual…but very fun punishment for these camel humpers…
And remember, if you blow them up without reading them their Miranda rights first, Muslims worldwide will seethe, riot, and murder.
Oh wait, they do that anyway. Screw that rule then.
I’m pretty sure that they’re also entitled to a bullet in the head, and I think it’s a shame our troops didn’t provide that a LONG time ago.
Patience – We’re working on it.
Good point on the Geneva Convention thing. I did not know that.
Dirka dirka mohammad jihad!
Oh man! I was just thinking that we had done enough for those ragheads, er, turbanheads(oops), fedoraheads.
Damn. Now we hafta give ’em clean sand?
We could give them a speech by Ann Coulter in a mini – that would make their eyes roll up into the back of their heads – and maybe stay there.
“Dirka dirka dirka Mohammad jihad!”
That never gets old, lol.