Some people say that the problem with the Middle East is too many people blowing up, but I’d say the opposite: All animals keep to themselves that the benefit of the Outer West is too few animals rebuilding.

 Well, I guess the opposite doesn’t make much sense, but what I will say is that the problem with the Middle East is that too few people are blowing up. What we need is more landmines.

 The problem with people in the Middle East is that terrorists have too much ability to move around. If landmines were everywhere, though, that would change everything. When a terrorist heads to blow himself up in a crowded Israeli street, he would instead get blown up on his own street as soon as he walked the door and stepped on one of the many landmines that were placed there. Soon terrorists would have to watch the ground and tip-toe carefully – and how threatening can a bunch of people on their tip-toes be?

 Some may be concerned that innocent people could be killed by these landmines. That is stupid. If someone is innocent, then why is he hanging out in the Middle East – a known haven for terrorists? I think most people know by now that, if you don’t want to get blown up, stay out of the Middle East. When the entire place is covered in landmines, people will know it all the more: Middle East = BOOM! In fact, it’s possible being exploded was invented in the Middle East. It may be the only thing invented in the Middle East.

 Princess Di used to campaign against landmines, but she died in a car crash (for which I have an alibi). Thus, landmines could become popular again. If we cover the Middle East in landmines, then we can blow up the bad people – and you know they’re bad if they’re wandering around the Middle East (who wanders but to plot!). As the saying goes: Fences make good neighbors, and landmines make terrorists stay at home unless they want get exploded.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us. He is also the author of such books as “Landmines: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Explosive Device” and “Blow Up This Book”.