Everyone seems scared of Muslims and terrorists these days. So many people these days when passing a a mosque will wonder if people inside are plotting against the country. On one flight in the UK, people were thrown off just for speaking Arabic. What that means is we have a culture of fear. To combat that, I’ve compiled this list of facts about Muslims and terrorists to end all the irrational fear people have of their fellow Muslims.
FACTS ABOUT MUSLIMS AND TERRORISTS
FACT: Only 45% of mosques are primarily filled with terrorists.
FACT: Of any Muslim you see on the street, there is only a 30% chance he is currently thinking about killing you.
FACT: Islam means “peace”… or something similar. If any Muslim murders you, then he is going against what his own religion somewhat means.
FACT: While Islam may seem abusive or demeaning to women, 100% of Muslim women love it that way as reported by their husbands (the women were not allowed to speak… and, according to their husbands, they didn’t want to either).
FACT: While killing yourself and others for some perverted sex dream involving 72 virgins might seem crazy to us, studies show that people who work towards concrete goals are more successful in life.
FACT: Most Muslim terrorists are secretly gay, anyway, and only act like they want 72 virgin women out of peer pressure.
FACT: If you overhear someone speaking Arabic on a plane, there is a less than 15% chance that person is talking about taking down the aircraft.
FACT: Even if they do take down the aircraft, there was a 0.0001% chance it was about to crash anyway.
FACT: Most terrorism goes against the teachings of Islam since terrorists often use more explosive power that was dictated to be allowable by the prophet Mohammed.
FACT: The prophet Mohammed was a humanitarian who saved nearly as many babies as he killed by the sword.
FACT: It is expressly forbidden by the Koran to beat someone to death with a Koran.
FACT: You are much more likely to be killed at a crosswalk by a careless Jew driving his fancy car than be killed by a Muslim terrorist.
FACT: Joooooos!
FACT: Most Muslims would hate it if all infidels were murdered and rather have infidels simply pay a tax – a “Don’t Murder Me” tax.
FACT: The tax for not being murdered by Muslims would most likely be much less than the taxes you pay on gasoline a year.
FACT: Though Muslims do want Jews pushed into the sea, they don’t necessarily want them all to drown.
FACT: Muslims are the most likely victims of Muslims murderers. Thus Muslims help eliminate the threat of Muslims.
FACT: Though Muslims do want to take over your country and put it under Islamic law, that doesn’t mean they want to kill you.
Now that you have the facts on your side, you have no more reasons to be afraid.
I feel better. Thanks.
Fact: Muslim terrorists can spot a joo from a hundred yards, but they can’t recognize one another in the liquor store…
FrankJ:
Congrats on reaching a new low in xenophobic religious intolerance masquerading as humor.
By the way — despite living and working next to Ground Zero, I am not very scared of “terrorists” these days — though I admit I would feel a bit more comfortable if we had a president managing our homeland security strategy who was not an incompetent buffoon.
I AM very scared of ignorant right-wing wimps like you who are willing to trample our civil liberties and start unnecessary wars because they are too dumb to realize that these efforts are counterproductive, and too cowardly to realize that knee-jerk solutions such as “killing em all” and trashing the Fourth Amendment are not really going to prevent help us prevent terrorist attacks.
By the way, I really think you can quit pissing your pants in fear about the “Muslims” getting you. You can stop twising open your Oreos to look for “terrorists” inside. I have a feeling that those few who do want to attack us don’t have your little corner of Florida high on their target list.
By the way, are you ever going to abandon the fear-mongering and religious hatred typified by your recent posts, and defend your fearless leader’s and his party’s foreign and domestic policies?
To sum them up — The Republican Party — bringing you War, Debt, & Pork since 2001!
Is the reason that you haven’t written anything defending these policies lately is that you have finally realized that you can not defend these policies? Or are you just as lazy as a common Mexican?
Are sad, sick hate-mongering posts the only way you know how to obscure the obvious failure of Bush and the Republicans?
Peace:
Monkey Faced Liberal
Notice how, once again, MFL completely ignores the substance of my arguments. It’s so sad it’s giving me gas.
Fact: All Muslim terrorists like to eat lunch at the Hitlers Cross.
….lazy as a common mexican??…
FrankJ:
There is substance to your argument?
Is there an argument here at all?
Please, clue me in.
All I see are a bunch of cliche jokes about how all Muslims are terrorists, and therefore how it is ok for us to be scared of and hate them.
Seriously, what I am missing?
I am really curious to learn what could possibly be the “argument” you are making here.
Peace,
Monkey Faced Liberal
That was funny. In his first comment, MF implied that he has a job. Judging by his verbal content, I would guess a popular phrase at his work is “You want fries with that?”
AlanABQ,
Or maybe, “Me so horny.”
“Please, clue me in.” -MF
Now there’s a challenge…
FrankJ:
Again, I guess I write a comment that hits too close to home for FrankJ, so he decides to add the following to my post:
[Ed. Note: Portion of comment removed so as not to ruin fun new IMAO game.]
The man who talked big about taking down trolls in the past by “ignoring” them or “redirecting” them is now too afraid to leave up my little posts unaltered.
You really are a scared little man, afraid to deal with any reality or arguments that make you question your little fantsy world, aren’t you Frankj?
I suggest you go home and play with your swords and ninja costume tonight– I think that will help you feel big and strong.
Also, hid under the bed. The evil terrorists will never look there when they come for you in the middle of the night.
Peace,
Monkey Faced Liberal
[Ed. Note: Portion of comment removed so as not to ruin fun new IMAO game.]
aww gee, would have been the first instance of my thinking the mfl critter was finally getting a sense of humor. My bad. As always Frankj has to do all the work when it comes to “teh funny”.
As far as the accusation of “xenophobia” I understand from the muslims I know that they HATE WARRIOR PRINCESSES!! They think aggressive women should have their genitals mangled. Maybe that’s something the mfl critter knows more about when it gets done wallowing around in it’s burka.
I would say that he did indeed write that himself due to one personality being oblivious to what another personality does in some cases of MPD, but he has to have a core personality to start with. Instead of MFL as a handle, it ought to be Monkey Faced Sybil, or Monkey Faced when Rabbit Howls, or Monkey 3 Faces of Eve…
FACT: Zero percent of Muslims want to kill MFL. They know a useful idiot when they see one.
Fact: All Muslim terrorists would be just as happy to blow up MFL as they would to blow up anyone else in this country.
hey master shake.
hehehe. you posted that whille i was writting mine. funny.
notice that the common thread of idiot liberals actually starts off the doofus’ comments: “live and work near ground zero” … which (is as likely bs as anything he ever says) supposedly gives him moral superiority to speak. Very similar to the ole “ckicken hawk” yipping from the left.
He’s afraid of us right wingers. I wish that were really so … because then he wouldn’t be such a terrorist supporter. He’s more afraid of “us” taking away his civil liberties … than another terrist attack taking away his life. In other words – he’s suffering from lithium deprivation AGAIN.
Terrorists are in Oreos? Oh no! I need to change cookies.
MFL:
“religious hatred”???
I call it “realistic hatred”
or “reasonable hatred” you F’oron.
My religion isn’t requiring its adherents to plant bombs, kill children, and subjugate women, you stupid F…! In fact, if my religion wasn’t requiring me to be so damn nice all the time, you’d be careful to actually have a real argument when you’re flinging feces.
Islam upon you MFL 🙂
HK
Terrorists are in Oreos? Oh no! I need to change cookies.
Better stay away from those “chocolate” chips too.
I only eat vanilla wafer cookies. And none of that “pink” filling either, if you know what I mean.
All the terroristy type muslims haven’t blown themselves up, yet.
Are you sure about there being terrorists in Oreos? I thought that’s where the Tri-lateralists and Bilderburghers hid!
I am glad that Frank made up the terrorists and oreos thing, that is quite a relief.
Of course there are terrorists in Oreos.
Who are the biggest terrorists in the world? Bush, Rumsfeld, etc.
And they are all white! Just like the stuff hidden in the middle of Oreos!
Bow down before my superior logic, you bunch of crackers!
Hail Carter,
Monkey Faced Liberal
MFL,
Yes, Republicans bringing the US into war, republicans like:
Woodrow Wilson
FDR
Truman
JFK
such good “Republicans” dragging us into war.
MFL,
I am curious, did you manage to pass any of your twentieth century history classes?
Trample our civil liberties!? What about my RIGHT to keep my own money? What about my RIGHT to kill terrorists? These are much more important to me than my RIGHT to privatelly call Ahmadinejad in Iran to discuss how best to load my car full of fertilizer.
And how can you say that killing all the terrorists is not going to prevent attacks? Of course it will. Though it’s easier said than done, all we’ve got to do is:
1) kill all the terrorists.
2) remove the massive systems of indoctrination in islamo-facist states and replace them with education and freedom of information.
3) kill all the terrorists (for good measure)
4) wait for the new generation of non-indoctrinated, non-terrorist children to grow up.
5) build Wal-Marts
It’s just that easy.
Oh, and we should probably put Frank and Rowdy in charge of taking out the ninjas and monkeys respectively.
“Congrats on reaching a new low in xenophobic religious intolerance masquerading as humor”
-Yeah, now I’m paranoid the Jooos are plotting to run me over in their fancy cars.
“By the way — despite living and working next to Ground Zero, I am not very scared of “terrorists” these days”
-Could it be because there’s nothing much left there for them to attack at Ground Zero?
I want the t-shirt, Frank!
MFL:
despite living and working next to Ground Zero, I am not very scared of “terrorists” these days
Really? You can thank Bush for that.
I voted for Bush.
(You’re welcome! We Bush voters are happy to do what we can for America!)
I live next to ground zero. I’m not scared of terrorists.
How dare you edit my posts! Die Kufar!
Wait. I didnt mean that. I love it here.
Ooh, I forgot:
Peace
What’s the opposite of a sockpuppet?
Peace
Yes, but what we really need to know is: What would happen in a fight between Dar al-Islam and Aquaman?
Writer, you forgot the most famous wartime “republican” president. The one that allowed our useful idiots to decide foreign policy, and hold thier own failure up for all to see, Lyndon Johnson. If I were a democrat I would be embarrassed to even mention vietnam, let alone cite it as a reason to handcuff our military again.
Hmm… I wonder what religion and what people group the 9/11 hijackers were from? Or the 7/11 bombers, or the Madrid Train bombers, or the London Airport attempted bombers.
The answer appears to be Muslim Arabs. And there have been VERY few muslims that can honestly say they don’t support terrorists. I won’t say none, because some muslims have a clue and actually like living in the 21st century. We aren’t afraid a busload of Nuns is going to try blowing up a sidewalk cafe. We aren’t worried about a Boy Scout troop hijacking a fully loaded plane. Hell, we aren’t concerned that a group of ADL lawyers is going to level the NY Subway system.
We’ll stop calling a spade a spade when they stop blowing up themselves, innocents and other arab/persian muslims.
Until then, I’ll proudly wear the term xenophobic. Mainly because I know that it is the new Libtard label for anyone with common sense and some talent at pattern recognition.
Jackass.
-War and Victory!
DesertElephant.
DE, when libs try to rationalize anything the use a cause and effect method.
ie. pregnancies cause abortion,
wealth production causes poverty,
affirmative action causes equality, and finally, killing terrorists causes terrorism.
I just blogged about this myself. Some of my humble observations were:
ïThe people who flew planes into the World Trade Center were MUSLIMS.
ïThe people who set off suicide bombs in all corners of the world are predominately MUSLIMS.
ïThe people who planned to set off bombs in ten airplanes over cities in the US, killing all on the planes and many on the ground are MUSLIMS.
ïThose who call for the annihilation of another country, religion and culture (Israel) are MUSLIMS.
ïThe people who bombed the trade center years ago, blew up a Marine barracks in Beruit in 1983 leaving 241 dead were MUSLIMS
ïThe people who rioted in the streets of France, burning cars and homes last year were MUSLIMS.
If Islam is a religion of peace, MFL is a raving conservative.
Frank, you are on to something…or you are on something! I didn’t stop to think about the Fact that most Muslim terrorists are secretly gay and I hadn’t thought about the “peer pressure” issue. I think it’s time we all stop and give some thought to the feelings of these terrorists! Maybe we should host a dialog with them to try to understand what happened to them during their formative…”WHAP”… sorry I had to slap myself back to reality! The democRATs mantra was taking effect on me…I’m back now. It’s the JOOOOOOOO!!!!
MFL: What a sad little world you must live in. A dark, dank, fetid hole (near groud zero, which we can only assume is the name you’ve given your IQ)where neither light nor humor can get in. Where every joke is taken as an offense and where your hatred and fear of power and righteousness is a constant reminder of your inadequacy. Ooops! Sorry, that’s the mission statement of the DNC. My bad. And you are a doo doo head.
I thought Islam meant “submission” or something like that.
ummmm…”scooter brown”???
mfl HAS to me FrankJ pulling a fast one on the rest of us here on IMAO! nobody is that stooooopid! i think Frank posts MFL and BABS just to get a rise out of the rest of us rubes here on the side. we are all just puppets in frank’s world…pause…(looking around for frank’s minions to desend and cast me into the pit of doom at any moment…)
mfl frothed
“To sum them up — The Republican Party – bringing you War, Debt, & Pork since 2001!”
Aren’t the terrorists scared of Pork? Seems prudent to stock up to me.
And whether you agree with George Bush’s policies or not, he’s certainly a God fearing man, with two lovely daughters.
VERY lovely daughters.
captAmerica, you are very eloquent in your argument, right down to the “doo doo head” closer. i think you should write speeches for Republicans…maybe more people would listen if it were in plain english!
How could I be so BLIND….
The wool has been pulled over my eyes for so long….
Like Bruce Wayne = BatMan
Monkee Faced Liberal = M_ther F_cking Loser
Doing a fine job in living up to his name.
Grow up, get a life, or do us all a favor and overdose, You’ll go quietly that way.
You’ll be missed, not for long.
Cheeri-O
Wanker
mfl HAS to (b)e FrankJ pulling a fast one on the rest of us here on IMAO! nobody is that stooooopid!
I beg to differ. MFL has left comments at Fmragtops Spews, and I know that His/her/it’s IP is registered in NY. Now it’s possible that FrankJ’s employer has HQ in NY and causes his IP to show that way, (When I surf from work it says I’m in Houston, but I live outside Philly PA) but I still doubt FrankJ would be interested in posing as a troll at Fmragtops Spews. No offense to Fmragtops. So I think MFL is a legitimate troll, not a sockpuppet of FrankJ’s imagination.
Thanks, aA. I learnt English and grammer good in public skool.
As someone from a Muslim background, this list was absolutely hilarious. Thanks!