I thought I’d post this, because I would like some legal advice.
Now, the other day, I was outside minding my own business and working on my house. Then comes some chap and he come up to me and he starts talking crazy fool things about Jews and the religious-right and that America is fascist and that our soldiers are the real terrorists. Don’t remember the exact details about what he said – you all know the type of foolishness – but I do remember what happened next.
I hit that fool square in the head with my hammer.
Yep, hit him so hard the hammer done broke. Had to buy a new hammer… which put me out ten dollars. Now, this fool, as big as a fool as he was, he saw I had that hammer in my hand when he come speak to me, so he had to know what was gonna happen next.
So, plain fact is the hammer is broke and he’s to blame.
I tell him this and say I want the ten dollars I had to pay to buy myself a new hammer of decent quality. He shakes his head “No.” I ask him why he won’t pay, but I don’t understand the answer since he no longer speak so well. Anyway, I threaten to bring him to court to get my ten dollars, and that’s what I ask your advice for. And that’s what I want: your advice. I’m not looking for sympathy here. Ten dollars won’t make me or break me, but I’ll sure be mad just the same to have to lose it to such foolishness.
All in all, it’s pretty simple: fool done broke my hammer and now he owes me ten dollars.
You are correct. He owes you a hammer. Of course you should have known that a die-hard Lefty would have a hard head, since the density helps to keep an intelligrnt idea from leaking in, so he may be able to fight it.
Tell you what, the next time you want to bop a Leftie in the head with a hammer, I suggest a four-pounder or bigger, otherwise you will have to keep buying hammers.
heh, intelligrnt idea.
This is why you should always by Craftsman tools. I once broke a big old hammer. It was very old and rusted, and the wood was already cracked and splintered when it finally broke. I was going to throw it away, but then I realized it was a Craftsman. I took the pieces to Sears, and they swapped it out for a brand new hammer, no questions asked.
I have a J.D., so I obviously know what I’m talking about.
I’m not an attorney, but I do work in a public safety type capacity. I can tell you what you did wrong. Do you know what is statistically the most dangerous thing you can do? Mind your own business. You have to quit minding your own business, and start minding other people’s business.
Frank…Frank…Frank! You are setting your sights way too low! You should be looking at new hammers that are in the $20.00 range! They will be way cool! They won’t break next time and you can hit the lefty again and again and again!!!
I think that Jimmy Carter (the guy who used to pretend to be President, not the ship) has an extra to give you. He’s evidently given up building houses in favor of certifying fraudulent elections, subverting US foreign policy, and putting his name on stupid books, so he doesn’t need a hammer any more.
I’m no attorney, but I have a new boat because of something called “treble damages”. “TREBLE DAMAGES”.
Sounds appropriate here
Serious carpenters use Estwing hammers – well balanced, available in weights ranging from 16 oz (Ladies/featherweight/concealable)up to a nice (but still compact) 48 oz engineer’s hammer (which is the one I keep in my office for serious computer repairs). They also work well for driving nails.
Check with Glenn Reynolds. I hear he’s broken a few hammers while whacking hobos, AND he’s a lawyer.
As your walking to the checkout with your new hammer, don’t forget to sing “Uh-oh, uh-oh, here comes the Hammer….”
$10 well spent if you broke a hammer each day like that.
as for your legal proceeding…i’m not a lawyer (thank God!!!) but am guessing that your sucess and plying dollars out of the system will depend on finding council that is Smarmy, Oily and Creepy…in other words a “Lawyers Lawyer”!!!
Do you know why a shark won’t bite a lawyer? Professional courtesy…
I’d demand a hearing before the House Select Committee on Fools dat Done Broke yo Hammer!
HA! Funniest post in a while, Frank m’boy. I think I really identified most with you when you hit the guy on the head.
I’d avoid suing and just view the $10 as a fee for entertainment. See, if you sue, he’ll probably get some ACLU attorney pro bono and they’ll counter sue for something silly, like: Did you have a handicap access ramp so that he could approach your house and harrass you or perhaps they’d get you on whether there was an appropriate warning label posted that said WARNING: Hammer to Head collisions possible. etc. Yep, $10 to whack a fool sounds like a good deal to me.
Frank, you are so missing out. This is America, which means you can sue the manufacturer of the hammer for 20 million bucks because of the shock and suffering you had because the hammer broke. I’m confident there was no warning label on the hammer saying, “Do not hit a moron in the head very hard.” So, they’re liable. Have fun in Tahiti, dude!