IMAO scores again. I have discovered a job listing that will blow you away. If it doesn’t, you’ll LOOK blown away once we “touch up” the pictures.
**** JOB LISTING ****
Have you ever wanted to be a photographer but were afraid you’d spend your days chasing after Lindsay Lohan? Can you look at something through a viewfinder and click a button? Then do we have a job for you: Reuters Photographer. As a photographer for Reuters (Motto: It’s been 2 days since we’ve been busted with mistakes) you’ll travel the world.
Our most important demand? Objectivity. You must be as neutral as possible while documenting the latest atrocities inflicted by Israel upon an unsuspecting, innocent world.
Do you have what it takes to work for us?
Take this handy quiz and find out.
Do YOU Have What It Takes To Work For Reuters?
Employment Quiz
As a photographer, your goal should be to
a. Eliminate bad lighting
b. Eliminate “red eye”
c. Eliminate the Jooooos
Your photographs have come out awful. What are some contributing factors to bad images?
a. Wrong shutter speed
b. Bad lighting
c. The Joooooos
You’ve followed a rescue worker all afternoon. He’s tired. What do you do?
a. Tell him to keep working. There’s no time for rest.
b. Ask him to find a quiet spot to lie down
c. Ask him to lie down on some rubble.
You have pulled bodies of children out of the rubble. You should honor them by –
a. Burying them quickly
b. Parading their bodies in front of the cameras
c. Strapping their bodies to the grill of your car like Garfield.
You see a woman and her house has been blown away. What do you do?
a. Snap pictures
b. Lead her to shelter and safety
c. Lead her to all the other destroyed homes and snap pictures
As a photographer, what is your preferred method of payment?
a. Per diem
b. Per picture
c. In explosives, paid in advance
You see a group of men from the Israeli Defense Forces setting up for an attack. What would you do?
a. Take the picture
b. Take the picture and list the names of the soldiers
c. Take the coordinates. Call your “Artistic Director.”
My philosophy regarding Smoke and Mirrors is–
a. It’s never right
b. Sometimes it’s right
c. It’s right here in this latest version of PhotoShop
Given the chance, which images are most important to capture
a. Burning schools
b. Burning hospitals
c. Burning garbage dumps
What is the most important backup tool a photographer should have?
a. An extra camera
b. Extra film
c. An extra name
Scoring:
Each A is worth 1 point.
Each B answer is worth 2 points.
Each C answer is worth 3 point.
Evaluation:
10-12 points: We’re sorry. Your objectivity in this case would be a liability. We encourage you to try out for some other underpaid, unrespected position. We recommend garbage can washer or IMAO blogger.
13-21 points: Not bad. You have the makings of a decent photojournalist provided we can eliminate these strange bouts of humanity.
22 — 30 points: Congratulations. Your job offer is in the mail. Should you not get our letter please feel free to forge your own.
**
It’s amazing what you can find on the internet these days. Isn’t it?
Next Generation Liberal Technology
I’ve heard Reuters and Adobe are working on a joint venture…The Photoshop vid-cam. Now they’ll be able to provide fully-doctored, politically-correct photo and video images in REAL TIME.
At last liberals will be able to get the approved version of the news as it is being invented. Wow.
Did they really think that they could get away with substituting a picture of the Springfield Tire Fire for a “burning object”?
Wow, I have what it takes to be an IMAO blogger? Yay!
(But hey, no bonus points for being an european?)
Since I scored high on the above test, I thought I would post some info on me for job placement.
TECHNICAL QUALIFICATIONS
I’m a 20 year old man looking for employment with Reuters because I find the truth really depressing. I’ve had my present career for about 25 years now. I love to lie…just ask my girlfriend and my wife. I have five years of experience with Adobe Photoshop, Macromedia Fireworks and Flash, so I really know how to “enhance the truth” on both still images and video.
POLITICALLY CORRECT
I think that Billy-Bob Clinton’s statement “It depends on what your definition of the word ‘is’ is” was a fair and adequate reply. I believe the Joooos, American Government, U.S. Military, Christian Coalition, Boy Scouts, and anyone else the ACLU doesn’t like, were involved in a vast right-wing conspiracy to plan and carry out the 9/11 attacks. I find the muslim outreach groups (Hezbollah, Al Qaeda, etc.) cute and cuddly, and I just get a warm and fuzzy feeling when I hear about illegal immigrants outnumbering legal citizens in some U.S. cities.
RECENT ACHIEVEMENTS
2000: I passed my first polygraph test, and didn’t even have to study. (Thanks to the guys in the mothership for their help with that one.)
2002: I fashioned a dinosaur skeleton together from parts of my cousin’s pet iguana and a bucket-of-chicken from the Colonel to prove the evolution of reptiles to birds.
2004: Received multiple excellence awards by main-stream media groups for my essay “24 Reasons I Hate Bush” which scientifically “proved” (:wink:) that George Bush is a descendant of Satan and Hitler’s mother.
Anyway, thanks for considering me. Let me know when I can start.
Now are these doctored images really an indication for the need of truth in the MSM? I say “no”. Why start now? There wasn’t any truth in it before.
No, this is NOT about journalists reporting the truth. This is about the lack of training that journalists receive.
I mean — the guy obviously wasn’t very good with Photoshop. Those clouds were ridiculous. THEY NEED MORE TRAINING.
I can handle the Joooo thingy part so what else is there…
I don’t have a resume, but here’s a sample of some of my recent work…
http://www.sandmancommunications.com/images/Lebanon1.jpg