The International Astronomical Union is currently working on a final definition of what a planet is so that the debate over whether Pluto is a planet or not will finally end and astronomers can finally tilt their telescopes back at the open bathroom window of their hot next door neighbor.
Thanks to some skillful detective work involving one of our contributors disguising himself as a janitor, IMAO has received a patrial list of the IAU’s list of planets and non-planets… (EDITORS: MARK AS EXLUSIVE TO IMAO)
Earth: Planet
Mars: Planet
Mars (the candy bar): Not A Planet
Planet Hollywood: Not A Planet
Jupiter: Planet
Venus: Planet
Public Enemy’s “Fear Of A Black Planet” album: Not A Planet
Venus Williams: Not A Planet
Pluto: Planet
Animal Planet Channel: Not A Planet
Saturn: Planet
Saturn (the car company): Not A Planet
Mercury: (see Saturn)
The Daily Planet: Not A Planet (or a real newspaper)
Neptune: Planet
Apparently, there’s still some doubt about Uranus, possibly due to the less mature members of the IAU sniggering and giggling whenever its name is mentioned.
Fear of a Black Planet, I had that album. It played a key role during my “suburban white kid acting like an urban black teenager” phase.
Fight the power!
What about Mickey Mouse’s dog Pluto? Or Popeye’s enemy (and John Belushi’s ‘Animal House’ character), Bluto?
Or L.(for LOONEY) Ron Hubbard’s “Battlefield Earth”?
Okay, so you’re unsure about your anus, how about Michael Moore’s anus? Is that a planet?
I saw a license plate frame just yesterday that said:
“You touch my Saturn I’ll kick Uranus.”
Sophomoric, but I had never seen that one, before.
Editor
EiP
Banned in India
Neptune is not a planet. It is a high school attended by Veronica Mars.
According to Futurama, in the 26th century, astronomers changed the name of Uranus in order to end that stupid joke once and for all.
The new name for Uranus was Urectum
Juvenile joke – Ikea fashion:
Uranus, black hole.
(some assembly required)
Wow. That’s quite an interesting link. According to the proposal, Charon (moon of Pluto), Ceres (asteroid) and that new planet with the alphanumeric name all get upgraded to planet status. It probably comes with parking priveleges and exclusive rights with the Sci-Fi Channel.
I’m wondering… if Ceres gets to be a planet, does that means it has something like a million moons now?
Captain Planet: Not a Planet. Also… a thinly diguised Ted Turner.
CAPTAIN PLLLANNNET!
Mick Mars, hack guitar player for Motley Crue, not a planet. An extraterrestrial, yes, but not a planet.
Freddie Mercury: Not a planet.
Typical scientific community, still in denial about the planet sized space station on the other side of the sun manned by the New Kryptonians under the rule of our Benevolent Overlord Kal El.
They’ve never been willing to take him seriously ever since his short stint as a journalist at the …ehhem, DAILY PLANET.
Veeshir – lol.
Michael Moore’s ass is a planet for sure. I hope Nasa never brings us pictures though.
Pluto is not a planet. Pluto is an animated dog that, oddly enough, does not talk.
A fruit that is a cross between a Plum and an Apricot is a Pluot, not a planet.
Xena, Warrior Princess: Might actually be a planet.
If you don’t believe me, check out the wiki for “UB313” and find out what the astronomers who discovered it originally named that planet.
Then there is Forbidden Planet.
Lair,
I sure am glad you cleared up some of that for us. I’ll be able to sleep better tonight. Thanks!
“Hello my name is Jimmy Pop
And I’m a dumb white guy…”
Heh, every time the topic of planets comes up I think of that song. It’s ruined the solar system forever.
Michael Moore’s anus–NOT a planet.
It is, however, a black hole.
Thank you dRoast.
that’s pretty darn funny.
Michael Moore’s ass is a planet for sure. I hope Nasa never brings us pictures though.
Yeah, I could do without seeing all those craters and bumpy things…
I really don’t want to see the klingons circling hisanus.