Too Small to Stick Up for Itself

Pluto has been stripped of its planet status. All you’ve been taught in your youth has been rendered invalid by cold-hearted astronomers.
I demand vengeance!
Vengeance for Pluto!
…Even though it is quite small!
Who’s with me?

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  1. I say we start riots, attack the Danish Embassy and set half of Paris ablaze! We will show those good-for-nothing astro — uh, excuse me —
    What? Can’t you see I’m ranting? Huh? They did? Months ago? Cartoons, you say?
    Sorry about that.
    Never Mind.

  2. Bah! Capitalist swine! We will continue to hold Pluto until our demands are met! You will withdraw all UN peace keepers from Earth at once and have them fall back to Mercury. Once this is done, we will release your pitiful Pluto and your solar system will once again be a peaceful, happy place.
    Well, except for those charred bits on Mercury.

  3. If we do not stand for Pluto now, we will only encourage those dastardly astronomers to change other rules. Perhaps they will announce the moon is really cheese, or start a campaign to reinstate astrology as a religion.

  4. I’m with you Frank!
    Pluto Forever The pneumonics will be all wrong
    My very educated mother just served us nine pizzas
    Take out the Pizzas and kids are left in suspense, what did she serve them? For Goodness sake THINK OF THE CHILDREN you $#%$%$#* astronomers THINK OF THE CHILDREN.

  5. Foolish Humans! We use your outermost planet as a staging base for our impending Space Muslim invasion of your planet, and how do you counter? By declaring it’s not even a planet! This will not save you from your fate! Soon, we will come to your world in full force! We will crush you under out mighty space turbans, and force you to eat hummas and pray to the plannet Mecca! You will live with the monkeys for your blasphemy!

  6. Frank, I suggest we kidnap several planets and hold them hostage until Pluto’s status is changed back. We can call ourselves the Planetary Jihad Brigade and have a Death Star hover ominously close to the kidnapped plants in a threatening way.

  7. Frank J,
    I am not afraid of Pluto losing its planet status and I live near Uranus.
    Are you afraid that if Pluto really isn’t a planet that your precious manhood is somehow diminished?
    Just like you to call for violence when you don’t get your way. Maybe you want Bush to declare war on the astronomers.
    By the way you facist, Pluto doesn’t even have any oil to steal unlike Iraq where your friend Bush has failed to stop terrorism.
    Hail Chthulhu,
    Monkey Faced Liberal

  8. Well, as mildly interesting as this news is, I don’t think I’ll really miss Pluto as a planet. I do wish that rather than reclassifying it, we had simply destroyed it as a show of U.S. military might. This might even be a viable alternative to the Nuke the Moon campaign. We’re still using the moon for some things, but what has Pluto ever done for us? I say pulverize it, and then point a finger threateningly at the terrorists.

  9. Pluto is overrated anyway. Sure, Mickey’s lovable pet is named after the planet. But what about the “Adventures of Pluto Nash,” the worst movie ever? Pluto has done enough damage, I say.

  10. According to this the Pope fired his astronomer because of disagreements over evolution.
    But we all know that he’s really angry about Pluto.
    How do I know?
    Although the Vatican did not give reasons for Father Coyne’s replacement
    So it’s just speculation. It’s obviously much more likely that he’s upset over the Pluto thing.
    Let that be a lesson to the rest of them, the Pope’s out to get them.

  11. Writer-
    I never stopped hailing Chthulhu, you just had your MFL confused. But I guess we all look alike to you racist wingnuts.
    We are not a singular echo chamber like you rethuglican jerks.
    We are moonbats hear us roar,
    In numbers too big too ignore.
    USSJimmyCarter –
    Why does it amuse you that I live near Uranus?
    Everyone was always telling me that my head was up there.
    I went to take a look and found that everything suddenly made sense if it was coming from Uranus so I moved there.
    All liberal thought comes directly from Uranus
    Hail Chthulhu,
    Monkey Faced Liberal

  12. What’s with the mnemonic device proliferation?
    I’ve heard:
    My very educated mother just served us nine pizzas.
    My very egotistical mother just served us nine pizzas.
    And now, my very elegant mother just sit upon….
    I’m not even sure I want to see what the N.P. initials stand for in that last one; it sounds dirty. 😉 Anyway, this should be the next task: getting all astronomers to agree on a common mnemonic device.

  13. El Santo,
    ~ sigh ~
    N.P. is “nine pins.” — or was. Thank you stupid astronomers for failing to get it right in the first place.
    I learned this mnemonic in Catholic school. Can you now imagine what happens when an elegant lady accidently sits upon pins? She tries not to make a scene. Her eyes are welling up and her face is bright red. She is trying to hold back a very forceful exclamation like “for heaven’s sake” or “mercy maud.”
    But now without Pluto who knows what will happen? Sure you could say “my very elegant/educated/etc. mother just sat upon/ served us NOTHING,” but who will remember it.

  14. I met the discoverer of Pluto when I was twelve, and he’s from a couple hours from where I’m from, so this totally sucks in a number of ways. Pluto has three moons, maybe more, an atmosphere, maybe a ring, and it’s moon seems to have formed the same way ours did. Ceres is 25 percent of the mass of the whole asteroid belt and has ice. If “sweeps up all the stuff in its orbit” qualifies it as a planet, then there are no planets. Even Jupiter has co-orbiting asteroids. Lots of them. And theoretically there could be other Plutos the size of Mars, so are those not planets?
    As for Pluto being near Uranus, see the dog picture Frank posted on the later post. Says it all.
    Pluto – nosing around Uranus for 4.5 billion years.

  15. DIE STUPID KAYNINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hi

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