IMAO EXCLUSIVE: Excerpt from the Script to The Path to 9/11

IMAO EXCLUSIVE! MUST CREDIT IMAO!
We’ve just obtained a portion of the script to The Path to 9/11 that contains one of the controversial scenes. See for yourself what the hubbub is over:

BILL CLINTON: Hey, Madeline, you think we should do something about this Osama guy?
MADELINE ALBRIGHT: I don’t have time to worry about that; it’s almost bikini season and I need to prepare!
CLINTON: Whatever. You want a hit off my joint?
ALBRIGHT: Is it okay to mix that with cocaine?
CLINTON: I dunno. I need some munchies.
[Clinton looks around the empty burger wrappers and drug paraphernalia that cover the floor of the Oval Office. Eventually, he finds an empty Cheetos bag]
CLINTON: Huh? Sandy! Did you shove all the Cheetos down your pants again?
SANDY BERGER: Maybe.
CLINTON: You’re going to get powdered cheese all over the classified documents in there! If I keep returning that stuff with unusual stains on them, the CIA says they’re going to revoke my clearance!
[Phone rings. Berger answers his cell phone.]
BERGER: Speaking of the devil, the CIA is calling. [listens to the phone for a moment] They say they’ve surrounded the terrorists and want the go ahead order from you.
CLINTON: I don’t want to deal with this now. Let’s pretend we’re not here.
BERGER: [into phone] Dave’s not here, man. [Berger drops the phone] I heard gunshots and it was scary so I hung up.
CLINTON: Good. I know what we should do now.
[Huge orgy begins involving Clinton, Albright, Berger, and many chubby interns.]

If you read the 9/11 Commission Report, all of that’s in there. Seems pretty accurate to me.

11 Comments

  1. Now I see where the inaccuracy is. It doesn’t make it clear that the cheetos Berger stuffed down his pants were PUFFS, as opposed to crunchy. That inattention to detail is the mark of shoddy workmanship. Clearly, the show should be cancelled, and everyone involved should be imprisoned and then executed without trial. Or something.

  2. It gets worse:
    SAM DONALDSON: “President Clinton, because of your refusal to kill Osama Bin Laden and several of your Cabinet secretaries taking bribes from the Airline Industry Lobby to stall FAA regulations ordering them to reinforce cockpit doors, 2,900 Americans have died in a terrorist attack. What will you do next?”
    BILL CLINTON: “I’m going to Disney World!”

  3. You know I get the whole girl on girl thing–it makes sense to me being a guy and all–but Madeline Albright and Helen Thomas–I have been permanently and completely cured of any future fantasies! Kind of like being “scared straight” but in this case it’s like being scared impotent!!!

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