Q. What does NIE stand for?
A. National Intelligence Estimate. That was easy.
Q. So what’s that?
A. It’s an estimate of intelligence on a national scale.
Q. And what was concluded?
A. I dunno. I didn’t read it.
Q. So how can you write an FAQ on the subject?
A. Hey, unlike a lot of top bloggers, and I can’t spend my whole day on this stuff. I have to pick up a few bits and pieces of information I can get in my spare time and make conclusions based on that.
Q. You’re a top blogger?
A. Sorta… I guess. I don’t know how that’s defined. Can we get back on topic?
Q. So what’s the controversy?
A. Well, the NIE is like classified. But it got leaked. And it said that the Iraq war only caused more terrorism. But Bush was like, “Nuh-uh!” and declassified the whole report.
Q. I thought it was just the key findings he declassified?
A. Yeah, that’s what he did.
Q. Do you actually know anything about this?
A. I know it’s one of the main topics in politics right now. I also know I need to hack some post together before my readers get cranky. So, here I am.
Q. Well, you suck.
A. You suck.
Q. And you just copied this FAQ schtick from Dean Barnett.
A. No I didn’t. I never started reading him until recently and the first silly FAQ I did dates back to 1997.
Just google FAQ on imao.us to see how many of these I’ve done through the years.
Q. Yeah, but Barnett’s FAQs actually have useful information in them.
A. Shut up.
Q. And they’re funnier.
A. Go away.
Q. I mean, the only thing I learned from this is that you don’t know anything about the NIE – something I could have guessed. Also, I haven’t even laughed once.
A. Then why are you still here?
Q. It’s Wednesday. I want an In My World™.
A. But those aren’t easy to write… and I’m tired.
Q. Go do it!
A. Fine…
Q. BTW, do you think terrorism has increased since the Iraq war?
A. I dunno. I haven’t seen any more terrorists. Have you?
Q. I saw some people who looked kind of Arab.
A. That’s not right. You need to report that to the FBI.
Q. So where are all these new terrorists?
A. I think they’re in Europe.
Q. How does that affect us?
A. I dunno. Do we depend on Europe for anything?
Q. You sure answer a lot of questions with “I dunno.”
A. I thought we were done with this.
Q. One final question: Do you have a message for our nation’s youth?
A. Huh?
Well, that was both informative and uncomfortable. What have we learned here?
1. This felt less like an FAQ session and more like a brief disturbing glimpse into a very dark place, where FrankJ spends a lot of time arguing with himself.
2. We should, however, continue to rely on him for all our important news, because he pieces stuff together the exact same way we all should. The less you know, the stronger your opinion.
3. Leakers must be keelhauled, the lot of ’em!
4. Yarr!
5. A late acknowledgement of Talk Like a Pirate Day.
Harrrr!
Thar she blows! It be the recently de-classified N I E. Let’s have a look see and discern whether these scurillous demorats be lying to us again. Aye, that’s what I thought. Arrrrrrr! Hmmm,…. arrrrrr…..Arrrrrby’s? I be hungry, let’s eat.
“I’m so hungry, I could eat at Arby’s!”
“Oooh man, she’s REALLY hungry…” -The Simpsons Lord of the Flies takeoff
I have a message for ouR Nation’s youth: TURN DOWN THAT RACKET AND GET OFF MY LAWN!
Do we depend on Europe for anything? Yes, we depend on Europe as an example for sissified panty wearing girly men liberal butt wipes to point to and say “why don’t we do it like the sissified panty wearing girly men liberal butt wipes in Europe”…