So, I’m just driving along, minding my own business, when suddenly a dog in car next to me sticks his head out the window and starts barking at me.
So I flip him off.
Now the dog looks all shocked like he’s thinking, “How can you flip me off? I’m just a dog!” Well, Rover, I’ll tell you why. It’s because you can’t even drive at all, so I really don’t need your criticism. It’s the same reason I flip off three-year-olds making faces at me.
Am I right?
Preach!
Right as always Frank!
Wasted effort Frank as dogs don’t get vulgar sign language unless they’re specially trained. Your correct response would have been to tilt your ears back and bare your teeth while giving him the stare-down. Of course it’s not wise to get into a stare-down with an angry dog while you’re driving, for aside from possibly wrecking, you might also entice the beast to jump at you…major pile up potential.
I guess you could stick with flipping dogs off if it makes you feel better.
don’t flip off dogs. or anyone else. not even Gretchen Carlson. i’m watching the Colbert Report.
note to self: if asked about Frank’s character anytime soon, remember this charming story of agape!
…as long as you don’t flip off inanimate (check the spelling on that, will you Ryan?) objects…like long traffic signals…or the toaster when it laughs at you.
Gunga,
After a while, you just get used to the toaster laughing at you.
While flipping off three year olds is fine, it is totally inappropriate and completely unacceptable to flip off dogs who may be barking at you from the next car, or even a house you may be walking by.
What you should have done in this situation is roll down your window and bark right back at him, put him in his place.
Fight fire with fire, Frank J.
flipping off dogs is alot of fun. Knowing they cannot do it back to you is even better.
It is always appropriate to flip off a dog that is stupid enought to stick his head out of a car and bark at you! This indicates to me that his owner is either a moron, a democRAT or a JOOOOO and his dog is simply acting like his alpha leader! Next time if possible…give the dog a good punching in his dumb monkey face!
I gotta go with shimauma on this one Frank. Did you also consider he may have been trying to warn you that your tire pressurewas low, you needed radiator fouid or the Indians were attacking the fort? Apparently you are too young to remember how Lassie or Rin Tin Tin communicated pending disasters, attacks and other miecellaneous maladies.
Spidey is right on. On our evening walks we pass several noisy, stupid, poorly trained dogs who seem perpetually surprised that people, cars, birds, kites, kids on bikes, and other dogs constantly pass their domain, so they bark, bark, bark. I quickly learned that barking back shuts them up and all they can do is tilt their doggy heads and say “baroo?” It’s also very therapeutic.
Frank,
You should have tossed him a spare cat. The cat would have straightened the dog’s act out immediately upon landing on his Monkey Face.
The more of these special comments Frank J makes the more likely I am to buy his book!
Fliiping dogs off is mostly acceptable, but don’t go so far as to moon them, or you’ll get a whole lot of butt piercings.
As for flipping off children, it is better to flash your gang signs at them, since most gangs consist of stupid little kids anyway.
Writer,
I keep three spare cats in the car at all times. Why I’ve didn’t suggest this to Frank before you is a mystery.
I usually roll down my window and whistle at the dog and try to get it to jump out of the car or truck. then it’s funny to watch it try to dodge traffic.
Dogs and their uppity ways. pff.
The only thing I found wrong with this was your failure to taunt the dog about its inability to respond in kind due to the lack of opposable thumbs. Apart from that, well played sir.
What are you talking about!?! Flipping off dogs and children!?! You could put an eye out flipping a rubber at a dog or a three year old! Shame on you all! Why would you keep rubbers in your car anyway? You should keep them in a drawer at home. That’s what I do. When the paper comes, I take the rubber off and put it in a drawer…BUT I NEVER FLIP THEM AT A CHILD OR A DOG! Why a dog could choke on one of those things. Shame on you.
Frank – The cat idea is probably a bad one. Remember that cats are simply chew toys for dogs. The dog would only take you throwing a cat at him as a reward and it wouldn’t show your displeasure as intended.
Moneyman,
It depends on the cat. Mine is sweet and loving with my grandchildren, but she keeps all four of the dogs in their places-including the pit bull.
I have an ALPHA male cat…Slammin Sammy and he weighs 21 lbs and he aint fat! I challenge any of you dog owners to throw him out of a moving car and see what kind of a stump you pull back into the car… If you could throw him at a dog, however, it would be great fun! He gets big fun out of kicking dog ass!
I’m tempted to flip dogs off, too. I’m usually on a bicycle. Frank’s definitely right that dogs can’t drive cars to save their lives, but they’re even worse on bicycles. It’s really funny to see one of them try to stay balanced while changing gears. Even indexed shifting doesn’t help them much.
The problem is: you, the same people that were accusing Frank J of being obsessed with throwing cats at dogs are now trying to say that he SHOULD have thrown a cat at that dog! Frank J tried hard, harder than anyone else, to throw a cat at the barking dog. He tried and he failed, but he did more in his 20-minute car ride than any of you did in your 2-minute car ride. So don’t sit there with that smirk on your face trying to play your little set-up trick on Frank J!
What really works on annoying dogs is to get one of those canister-powered boat horns and honk it in the dog’s face. The dog’s owner will never get the smell out of his upholstery.