Olympic officials showed great concern yesterday when two chimpanzees and one brown bear tested positive for anabolic steroids.
According to Miguel Samaranch, an Olympic official, “At first we suspected nothing. When we saw these hairy, muscular creatures walk out of the locker room we weren’t really concerned. Then somebody brought it to our attention that this was NOT the Chinese Women’s Diving Team. At that point, we had no choice but to conduct on the spot testing.”
According to sources at the Animal Olympic stadium, testing the chimps took longer because of a tendency for them to “fling the samples.”
This occurence has caused much concern among the international community, inluding manufacturers of steroids. Said one executive, “I would hate to thing that China is using counterfeit steroids. This kind of action tends to put American steroid companies out of work.”