Anyone else watching Heroes? After I saw the first episode, I was like “Meh”, but found enough interesting parts to want to see where it was going. But it’s been getting better each episode to the point it’s my most anticipated show each week (other than BSG). I wonder how much longer they can keep up the momentum; I have no idea where it’s going, but it seems like it’s going somewhere (unlike Lost).
UPDATE:
BTW, what do you think Nikki’s power is? So far, it just seems like multiple personality disorder, which isn’t really a super power. I assume there is more to it, and am interested to see what that is.
Also, I’m thinking her son is going to be important…
Archive of entries posted on 23rd October 2006
All Dogs Are Conservatives
ThoseShirts.com now offers shirts for dogs. This one is my favorite:
Also, the IMAO polo shirt will be in limited quantities, so if you plan on getting one, don’t wait too long to place an order.
Quit wasting your time with this Malawi Adoption garbage!
I’d like to take a moment to condemn the American Mass Media for wasting so much time and effort on covering all this garbage surrounding celebrities in African countries adopting babies, and then every legal twist and turn that comes up when some party or another opens their yap to a camera.
FrankJ and SarahK are not adopting a baby from Malawi, Botswana, Limbobo, or whatever the heck the countries are named there this week.
They are merely visiting the sweatshops in which the “Nuke The Moon” T-shirts are being produced, trying to come up with ways of increasing production and reducing inefficiencies while maximizing profits.
Any small dark children FrankJ and SarahK might have been photographed with in the airport are not the targets of adoption, but research samples for possible experiments in labor-saving automation systems.
Hopefully this will stop the rumors in their tracks and we can get back to more important matters.
The Smartest Reader Ever Ever!
Wow! Glenn Reynolds has the smartest reader. Just look at the quote from a reader after the poll in this post.
I wish I had smart readers.
BTW, I’d gladly run all of Congress, but I’d also have to be paid all the salaries. And, just because I’d have a 100% of the vote in the Senate (unless I tied with myself and needed Cheney to break the tie), that doesn’t mean I’d always vote for cloture on issues since I like to hear myself talk.
I mean I really like it. Fair warning.
UPDATE:
I’m now “…the true libertarian alternative…”. That’s like byline worthy.
Though I’m not sure what it means.
Meet America’s Hottest New Group
Alberto Fernandez, the American Diplomat who called America Arrogant and Stupid, along with Canada’s favorite country music group have teamed up to create a special album full of music that makes the Democrats sing.
This new album – Alberto & Los Dixie Chicas – features wonderful titles such as…
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Osama, Take Me Away
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I left my heart in the Palestinian Territories
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Achey Breaky American Foreign Policy
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It’s a White Trash Wedding Reception and Tailgate Party
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*I’ve got a Nascar Licensed Veil and I Aint Afraid to Wear It
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The Mexican-Eat-My-Hat Dance
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September 11th Taught Me The Meaning Of Peace
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Closed In Spaces Can Be Considered Torture (The Oh No Song)
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Bush Is Dead, Merry Christmass Ho Ho Ho Down.
*
There you have it, IMAO readers. Make sure you visit the people at I-tunes or your local retailer for a copy of the music that makes the lefties sing.
Following the Example of Muhammad
I finished reading Robert Spencer’s The Truth About Muhammad: Founder of the World’s Most Intolerant Religion over the weekend, which says a lot since I barely ever read anything anymore. First off, everyone buy and read this book. It’s basically a condensed biography of Mohammed written using only widely regarded Islamic sources. That doesn’t mean it’s necessarily the most accurate portrait of Mohammed, but it is how must Muslims perceive him which is what’s important. Mohammed is supposed to be the example all other Muslims are supposed to follow, and with Mohammed you have plenty of beheadings, torture, taking prisoners for ransom, killing people who insulted him, and lots of other lovely things. Sure, that’s just the negative parts of Mohammed’s character, but that’s still the example many Muslims follow today.
This book gave me a window into the mind of a jihadist and where the justifications for his actions come from, which is why I guess I was so glued to it (except when I got some comics in the mail and then when I had the flu). Also, it gave me a great perspective into why many jihadists think they will win and why they think absolutely anything is permissible if it advances the goal of spreading Islam. I highly recommend this book as this subject should concern everyone. Do be ig’nant, people; you have to understand the nature of the problem before you can deal with it.
The book inspired me to research more into Islam (I certainly can’t take everything he gives me at face value without at least seeing the Muslim response), but I’ve found research difficult at times since there seems to be so many different spellings for every name. Still, there is a lot in the book I would like to discuss, so I’ll probably do short discussion topics on this blog in the future (there won’t be homework, but there will be a quiz at the end where, if you fail, you die!).
Next book for me is Mark Steyn’s America Alone: The End of the World as We Know It. I’ve always heard lots of people talk about how great Mark Steyn is, but I hadn’t actually read him before. From the intro, he has a very entertaining writing style. And why shouldn’t a book about how radical Muslims are going to take over the world be funny?
I’m starting to like getting free books.
In My World: Nuclear Dong Part III
Condoleezza Rice and Dick Cheney sat around a table in the White House. “While President Bush is gone, what do you want to do?”
Cheney shrugged.
Condi thought for a moment. “Want to declare martial law?”
“Yeah… I guess that’s a way to kill the weekend.”
“The desert is hot,” President Bush complained as he and his group hiked across the dunes.
“Then maybe you should take off that winter jacket,” Laura said.
“But then I’d have to carry it, and that would be just be annoying!”
“We love these red shirts you got us!” Bill the intern exclaimed.
“Yay! Hiking through the desert is fun!” Jill the intern said and did a cartwheel.
“You have your fun,” Bush said to himself, “as it will only make your deaths all the more tragic.”
Laura slapped him on the back of the head. “Stop waiting for the interns to die!”
Buck the Marine took off a boot and emptied sand from it. “You know, this would be a lot easier if you hadn’t given our Humvee to those monkeys.”
“Hey! They were honest looking!” Bush yelled. “I was sure they were going to bring it back! I bet it means were close, though, if they’re using psych-ops to try and stop us. What do you think, Bolton?”
John Bolton stood still and let the wind blow through his powerful mustache. He then pointed to the south. “My ‘stache senses evil in that direction.”
Bush charged forward. “Onward to evil!”
Eventually, they came upon a cave in the side of a mountain. Inside, they soon found a dead terrorist on the ground. Bush knelt down and inspected the body. “He was shot in the head… and, from the bullet trajectory, he must have been shot by someone small – like a monkey!” He looked around some more and found banana peels. He took out a pen and picked one up with it. “The terrorist must have then appeased the monkeys with bananas and went on with the sale. It would seem they’re all gone, but perhaps that’s what they wanted us to think before…” He turned to face Bill and Jill. “…THEY SPRING THEIR TRAP!”
“What trap?” Bill asked.
“This is like C.S.I.! Let’s check the body for gunshot residue! Yay!” Jill exclaimed.
Bush snapped his fingers. “I was so sure they were going to get it now. They really need to die soon so this situation seems more serious.”
“If it helped, I could kill that monkey.” Buck pointed to a fat little monkey that was asleep in the corner.
Bush ran over, grabbed the monkey, and started shaking him. “Tell me where the nuke is, you fat little monkey!”
The monkey screeched and furiously flailed its claws.
“Stop shaking that monkey, George!” Laura yelled.
“Fine.” Bush set the monkey on a nearby table. The monkey then pointed at Bush.
“I think he wants your pen so he can write a message for us,” Laura said.
Bush handed the monkey his pen. The monkey quickly grabbed it and bit it in two.
“That was my lucky pen!” Bush grabbed the monkey again. “I’m going to spank you, you bad monkey! I’m going to spank you good!”
Laura grabbed him. “George! We don’t have time for you to spank the monkey! The terrorists probably have the nuclear bomb.”
Bush let the monkey go. “I guess the monkeys will escape punishment this time, but one day I’ll get them. Time now to focus on the terrorists.”
“But I’m tired of killing Muslims,” Buck said. “That’s like all I kill lately. I want shoot other types of for’ners.”
“I’m really getting tired of your whining!” Bush shouted.
Bolton stood at the caves exit. “My ‘stache senses danger.”
Gun shots sounded in the distance. Bush ran out of the cave. “Quick! We have to get close enough that Bill and Jill can get killed in the crossfire!”
Tony Snow walked before the podium only to see an empty press room. “Where is everyone?”
“The press has all been rounded up into prison without a trial… except for those who were mysteriously strangled by some serial killer,” Condi told him.
Tony sighed and walked off. “Whatever; I still get paid the same.”
Bush pulled out his binoculars. “That terrorist camp seems to be under attack.” He looked around some more. “By the North Koreans! …And they have a dong!” Bush tossed down his binoculars. “Aww… now the nuke is back in the hands of the North Koreans. I guess that’s better than it being in the hands of the terrorists but worse than it being in the hands of monkeys. I have a bad feeling their going to use that dong, so we better stop them. How many guns do each of you have?”
“I only brought bag lunches,” Laura said.
“I need nothing but my ‘stache,” Bolton said.
“We just brought our team spirit! Yay!” Bill and Jill said.
“I had a gun, but then you let that monkey borrow it and…”
“I’m really really tired of your whining, Buck!” Bush shouted. “Fine, no guns. We’ll have to use strategery. Everyone spread out around the camp. We’ll throw rocks and sand at the Koreans until they’re like, ‘Hey! Stop that! Here! Take the nuke!’ Then we’ll take the nuke, and our mission will be a success.”
“That’s a stupid plan,” Laura said.
“Well, a stupid plan is better than no plan.”
“Quite the opposite, actually.”
“I don’t care!” Bush yelled. “It’s a fool proof plan, but, just in case, Bill and Jill should start throwing stuff first. Now everyone spread out!”
The rest of the group went away while Bush tried to find a good sized rock. Suddenly, he heard a growl and was lifted into the air. “Aieeee! Giant pandas!”
Bush was dropped into the center of the camp by the pandas. Before him stood the evil Communist Chinese leader. “So, Mr. Bush, I see you’ve met my panda enforcers: Kill-Kill, Slay-Slay, and Murder-Murder.”
“I don’t like the sound of the name of that last one,” Bush grumbled to himself. He then stood up the face the evil Communist Chinese leader. “You monster! I can’t believe you had your evil pandas rip apart Bill and Jill! They were two young kids who had bright futures ahead of them!”
The evil Communist Chinese leader looked confused. “Rip apart who? You mean the interns? They’re over there.” He pointed to some chairs nearby where Bill and Jill were sitting along with Laura, Buck, and Bolton. Bill and Jill waved back at Bush enthusiastically.
“Dagnabbit!” Bush yelled. “If they don’t die soon, people might start liking them… and then they’ll be reoccurring characters… and then we’ll never be able to kill them off!”
“I have one question for you,” said the evil Communist Chinese leader. “Why are you wearing a winter coat in the desert?”
“And I have one for you! Why don’t you shut up?”
The evil Communist Chinese leader sneered. “Defiant at always, I see. Well, I have a surprise for you, Mr. Bush.”
Kim Jong Il stepped forward. He then bowed his head and uttered, “I’m sowwy. I never should have tested that nukey boom boom.”
“You should be sorry!” Bush said. “Now apologize for your hair!”
“Never!”
“As you can see,” the evil Communist Chinese leader said, “the situation is now under control. You and your friends can head home.”
“Wow! Super!”
“I don’t know, George,” Laura said. “I think the Chinese are just trying to defuse the situation so they can keep North Korea as a wedge in that region.”
Bolton twitched his mustache. “My ‘stache does not detect good intentions.”
“You guys need to calm down,” Bush told them. “You always think the worst of China, but, of all the murderous dictatorships, they sure are the… uh… biggest. Anyway, now the nuke is in the hands of China – who already have plenty of nukes – so everything seems to have worked out. Sure, it didn’t all go to plan – Bill and Jill are still alive – but I think this conclusion is good enough. Also, I want to get out of here and go someplace colder so I won’t feel so hot in this coat.”
“Why don’t you just take it off?” Laura asked.
“We already went over that!”
“Not to whine, but I’m sure disappointed I didn’t get to kill anybody or shout, ‘Ooh-rah,'” Buck said. “Also, what’s going to happen with this big… uh… dong?” He pointed to the giant missile standing up in the middle of the camp.
Bush scratched his head. “I guess we have to get rid of it.”
“No! My dong!” Kim Jong Il screeched. “No one touch my dong but me!” He ran over and wrapped his arms around it. This accidentally set it off, and it flew into the air with Kim Jong Il stuck to it and screaming, “I lost control of my dong!”
Bush laughed. “That’s funny because it sounds like he’s talking about his penis.” He thought for a moment. “Also, I guess a poofy-haired dictator being stuck to an out of control missile is funny in itself, too.”
“Yay!” Bill and Jill exclaimed.
“WHY WON’T YOU DIE!”
THE END
Democrats in Charge Comic #1
They say pictures are worth a thousand words, so my drawing must be worth at least somewhere between thirty and forty. That’s good, because that’s about as many words as the average attention span can take these days.
Anyway, I’ve decided to use the power of my drawings to depict to you what America will be like if it’s run by Democrats. Here is the first comic in this series:
Don’t let this scene become a reality! Vote Republican!
A new comic of the horrors of having Democrats in charge comes tomorrow…
Lambchop Needs an Editor
It’s good to know that there’s at least one person out there I’m a better writer than.
BTW, has anyone actually been able to read an entire post by Ellison? Anytime I try, my brain gets angry because it thinks I’m trying to hurt it, and then I have to assure my brain, “I would never hurt you. You are a good brain. You got me a good engineering job.” Still, my brain usually remains suspicious for the rest of the day and then I have to calm it down using beer.
Now, brain, I am trying to hurt you when I drink beer, but it’s a good hurt.
If the Republicans Are on the Ropes, Why Do These Guys Seem So Desperate?
Apparently, the nutroots are trying to organize an effort to Googlebomb search terms so as to affect the election. Those guys are innovative. I always thought there was nothing more politically useless than an internet petition, but they found it. I mean, really, these guys just might as well spend all their energy doing to the robot dance to fight fascism.
Wait, I know! The nutroots can each consume an entire can of Crisco to show their support for fair elections!
If you have other ideas for useless expenditures of energy to engage in a feeble attempt to affect political fortunes, either put them in the comments or start a diary on the DailyKos.
Today’s Simpsons Trivia
1) Who is the news anchorman in Springfield?
2) What kind of car does Ned Flanders own?
3) In the corner of the Simpson’s kitchen, there’s a cookie jar shaped like what?
4) What is the name of the fancy restaurant often visited by the Simpsons?
Official Trivia Card answers in the comments tomorrow.