NUTROOTS PLAN
PHASE 1: Get really angry.
PHASE 2: Help Democrats win the House and Senate.
PHASE 3: ???
I think the easiest way to understand the nutroots is to think of them as people who hate the Yankees. I’m using the Yankees since lots of people seem to hate them. Mind you, I don’t hate the Yankees as I feel a bit like a New Yorker myself. I spent a good part of my life in northern New Jersey where all my local news came from New York City, and every morning before school I got to find out whether alternate side parking was suspended – whatever that means. With this New York exposure, I naturally feel that the baseball team that spends the most money deserves to win.
Anyway, the nutroots hate the Yankees like many of you do and they love their local team. They really really want their local team to win, but, more importantly, they want the Yankees to lose. They feel this is extremely important for reasons they can’t quite comprehend enough to put into a coherent thought (they may throw the word “fascism” around, but that’s mainly a meaningless amplifier to them… much like a swear word).
Now, when the Yankees lost this season, were you happy? Many of you were.
But did you have a long term plan for after the Yankees lost?
And that’s the problem with the nutroots. They’re so concerned with winning and winning alone that they’ve reduced rooting for the Democrats and against the Republicans to rooting for one’s favorite sports team and against the most hated rival. As meaningless as sports wins are to the world at large, people can get convinced they’re very important. And, when those fans get what they desire, it’s cathartic for a short time– but that’s it. There’s nothing more after that.
So, what can we expect from the nutroots if the Dems win big in November? They’ll probably riot that night and burn things and knock over cars. Then they’ll just wait feverishly for the next election.
Sure the nutroots have a plan, you got the first two stages right on the money. The third?
“Impeach Bush. Booga, booga, booga.”
Then everything will be right with the world. Lollipops will rain from the sky; terrorists (oops, uhh, “freedom fighters”) will spontaneously decide that they now really, REALLY love Americans; and the US will be bathed in rainbows and ambrosia…
Oh, one more thing.
First!
Frank, besides the Yankees being gay–in a Barney Frank kind of way–we here in Minnesota don’t really hate them. We are puzzled at the size of their payroll vs. the payoff (defeated and humiliated)! As for the nutroots, I fear that as a conservative I have no party left and the American people are going to sweep a bunch of gay — lefty — socialist — tards into office and we are going to have to listen to them for the next 2 — 6 years–
Well here’s my guess at what the demo’s will do:
1.Pass an immigrant amnesty bill …which will pass and Bush will sign it (you know he will!)
2. Then after thanking Bush for his support for getting 2 million more demo’s on the voter rolls, they will begin with articles of impeachment (watch the subpoena’s fly).
3. Then the demo’s will make nice with the French (spit!).
God I dread this
If it weren’t for the fact that 1) I’m Catholic and it’s not permitted; 2) I’m a man and it’s not possible and 3) You’re married, I would offer to have your babies, Frank, just for including this:
As meaningless as sports wins are to the world at large, people can get convinced they’re very important.
When are people going to learn that spectator sports are completely meaningless, like any thing that comes out of Alec Baldwin or Babs?
Never mind the Yankees, I hate the Cowboys.
just ’cause.
Well, my plan for after the Yankees lose is for the Braves to win. Just because the plan fails doesn’t mean I don’t have a plan.
As for the Democrats…their plan seems to be throw any accusation that they can think of at the Republican party and the President, call for an immeadiate investigation, and see what sticks. We will know that the plan is in full operation when they accuse President Bush of misspelling a word and calling for an investigation into its true spelling, where it’s being tortured in secret CIA prisons, and calling for impeachment.
That is a stunningly apt analogy.
I only hate gay Cowboys
Was I happy when the Yankees lost? Of course I was. But since I live in Detroit, it should be understandable. And the long-term plan is for the Tigers to dominate MLB forever! Bwahahahhaaaaaa!
As for the nutroots, if they manage to win Congress, they’ll start working feverishly on figuring out which of the nuts is furthest to the left of Che’, figure “eh, if that’s the best we can do…”, and start rioting/burning anything flammable, flinging poo, etc.
I’m really glad that I live in a small midwestern town.
If I lived in a large urban center I’d probably have to start shooting people to protect myself and my family from the rioters.
That’s not a joke, btw. I expect riots in the large “blue” cities after the next election, regardless of who wins. They’ll riot in celebration if they win and they’ll riot against “the system” if they lose. Think European soccer hooligans.
I hope I’m wrong.
Well we do know from their records it has nothing to do with finding gainful employment–
They plan …to make a plan.
They should stay home and visualize victory. They do believe in visualization, right? And going around deosil casting a circle while invoking the elemental deities and so forth and so on.
I don’t get it…Karl Rove acts like everything is in the bag for the Republicans? Frank, do you think he’s about to cast all democrats into the pit of doom for eternity?
In Boston it is in our DNA to hate the Yankees. and after they lose, whom ever beat them we root for. I wish you and your’s peace, love and understanding.
all the best,
Martin
P.S. The Tiger’s in 5
I hate the Cowboys. – Nico
I like this guy!!! Noone should like the deformed,dead,decaying cows. And the Steelers rule. And I realize what Frank says about sports is true. But, it gives people downtime and stress relief. Besides those people who let the state their team is in stress them.
Oh, and go Conservatives!
The Yankees stink! Go Twins! Even though they are not the best team out there! They made it into the playoffs, so ha! And earlier this year, some random team whooped the Yankees 18 or 20 to something like four. But yeah, accurate metaphor.
Fuloydo,
Since I live in a big city, I’m eagerly anticipating the lefties rioting after the election. In fact, I’m cleaning my weapons.
Sandan,
Clean’em, oil’em, and keep your powder dry. Hopefully you won’t need them but I’m a firm believer in being prepared.
Cheers!
All right-thinking Americans hate the Yankees. And the Mets and Jets and Dodgers and Lakers. And the Raiders, too.
Fulo, Who the hell uses black powder instead of cartridges these days. Better rate of fire. More Hippy/Lfty deathes per minute that with Black powder. 😉
DrawTheLine, Hard liquor is for stress relief. Sports is just a bit like Primate recreation. And I’m not talking about flinging poo. You catch my drift. 🙂
Now, now. Black powder has it’s uses. And you can make it yourself if need be. But mainly I was using a figure of speech rather than being literal. 😀
I have a plan. No, really. I’m serial. It is in my lockbox. After I sweep the fascists out I will open the lockbox to reveal my plan. I’m very serial about this. But to see my plan, you have to vote for me. P.S. I am not a gayfer, I don’t care what Tipper says.