We have just found out that John Kerry has recently testified before Congress about alleged troop stupidity. Here’s part of his statement from the transcript:
I would like to talk, representing all those veterans, and say that several months ago in Detroit, we had an investigation at which over 150 honorably discharged and many very highly decorated veterans testified to stupidity committed in the Middle East, not isolated incidents but misadventures committed on a day-to-day basis with the full awareness of officers at all levels of command.
They told the stories at times they had personally ran with scissors, put on shoes before socks, put on pants before underwear, connected positive to negative between two car batteries and then turned up the power, licked frozen telephone poles, blown their salaries on lottery tickets, drank expired milk, shouted “Shazam!” in fashion reminiscent of Jomer Pyle, set action figures on fire for fun, fed bears, and generally mooned the countryside of Iraq in addition to the normal mooning in war, and the normal and very particular mooning which is done by the applied stupidity of this country.
I come from a family just filled to the brim with idiots. My grandfather (1st generation German) enlisted in the U.S. Navy to fight the Kaiser. My father enlisted in the Navy to fight in the Pacific during WWII. My three uncles also fought in WWII.
To show my incredible stupidity I married a sailor who served in the Indian Ocean during the 1980’s and who went face to face with the USSR during the KAL007 mess. His father, uncles and brother all also served in the military.
My children who have graduated high school have done so with honors. I graduate Cum Laude from college with a degree in history.
My apologies to Mr. Kerry for being so imbecilic and raising good, intelligent, faithful citizens. I also apologize for members of my family who did not lie or cheat to get out of service or who claimed to be more valiant that they were. I also apologize to his family because they can’t point to his service with pride as I can to mine.
Maybe he can use my example and apologize to the 70 percent of Americans he offended.
OR
He can kiss my great aunts bustle.
That was me. Kerry makes me furious.
Wow, Kerry really did get my Seanmahair riled up. She said BUSTLE!
Bustle is right.
Every male offspring in my gene pool has served in peacetime and war. My grandfather was a reservist in the Army Air Corps while designing and building B29s, including the fairly noteworthy Enola Gay.
John Effen Kerry is beneath contempt. I’m still mad as hell after a long day of stewing about this.
Not sure where I was going, other than to brag about my grandpa, rest his soul.
And to say John Effen Kerry ain’t worth a red piss.
Jomer Pyle – LMAO!
“put on underwear before pants”
Isn’t that the correct way to do it? Or have I been dressing incorrectly for the last several decades?
Outback_Gon – it says “pants before underwear,” which is much less effective, chafing-prevention-wise.
Ahem. Cough. You right-wing nut jobs are making more of this instance than it merits. Your actions are reminiscent of the time Jeneral Jorge Patton recklessly endangered the lives of thousands of nazi citizens when he dangerously took the Third Army rampaging through southern France to relieve the war criminals who were at the time sacking Bastogne, which was, upon reflection, very much like what Jenghis Khan did to Asia. Oh, by the way, I served in Viet Nam, where I, like thousands of other soldiers, committed unspeakable war crimes. Well, not really unspeakable, since I spoke about them a lot. And the Swift Boat Vets are all liars. Thanks you, drive through to the next window please.
Heh, heh. He really put his foot in his mouth this time. And have ya seen his Yale pictures, he looks like Jim Nabors and Lurch’s love child. Heh, heh, that was a good one.
Seriously,
Best…
IMAO post…
Ever!
“…in fashion reminiscent of Jomer Pyle…”
Bwaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Stop! I can’t breath!
The Truth is:
The Swifties did not tell half of what really went on with Kerry.
My father was the radio officer on the tender that served the swift boats, and he has said far more than we could possibly make public.
I guess we’re all agreed that “Jomer Pyle” is a sheer stroke of genius.
HAHAHAHAHA!
Take your phony and insincere apology and shove it Kerry. Even your friends are hiding from you now. Your ’08 Presidential bid is finished, for that I am grateful.
“Jomer Pyle”
ROTF!!!!
You really out-did yourself with this one frank –I’ve been giggling all day over this.