You know, education, if you make the most of it, if you study hard and you do your homework, and you make an effort to be smart, uh, you, you can do well. If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq.
~ John Kerry
Since John Kerry’s job (besides being the absentee senator from Massachusetts) is to make boxes of rocks look like Stephen Hawking, I thought I should point out that he may be mistaken, as shown by these:
10) In Iraq, “fries with that” is the answer to the question “what does a soldier do with a flamethrower?”.
9) Camels smell better and make more sense than anti-war protesters.
8) During any given exam, answering “empty the clip” will always get you at least partial credit.
7) Full credit for adding “…and then reload”.
6) Sometimes you’re actually ENCOURAGED to crash your Hummer into things.
5) MREs are tastier, cheaper, and more filling than Ramen noodles.
4) You can drink fancy bottled water without exuding that snooty and slightly effeminate Ivy-league frat-boy air.
3) Blowing s*** up gets you a medal, not double secret probation.
2) You’re over 6000 miles away from John Kerry.
1) They actually PAY you to blow s*** up.
If you’re aware of any other advantages, drop them in the comments.
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Number The Twelfth One:
In Kollij, “Hippies get stoned” means annoying smelly long-haired people using illegal substances.
In Iraq, it means that annoying smelly long-haired people get hit in the head with rocks. And that’s just fun for the whole family.
Longer amounts of pass after “exams”.
You know that you have contributed more to life on this planet than all of the head scratchers sitting behind desks and all of the play actors in Hollyweird ever will.
It’s a great way to avoid a frivolous lawsuit from a constipated baby boomer who wants a pound of flesh for a car accident that may technically have been your fault, but was exacerbated by the fact that she was shrieking into a cell phone at the time. So when the case is thrown out because you’re in Baghdad, she can holler, “What? Can’t you have him extradited or something?” (True story. Happened to my brother. Happily he dodged payment by assaulting Iraq with the 82nd Airborne)
ROTFLMFAO!!! That was nigh the funniest thing I have read in quite a while.
I’m a “love means never having to say your sorry” kind of guy. Who. I might mention, serfed in Viet Nam. I’ve got pictures!!!!
While in Iraq you don’t have to listen to the local liberal campus student paper whine about how not enough student fees are being given to the “hemp club” for their featured speaker Ms. Pelosi, and that the cafeteria needs to serve “cruelty free” Jello.
I have to disagree with #5, MRE’s cost more then Ramen and only about 75% of them are tastier the others … Bleech!
jackbootedthug – yeah, but at least you don’t have to go rooting through your couch cushions for spare change to buy MRE’s. They’re just another thoughtful gift from Uncle Sam 🙂
For a man who has experienced both college life and military life, John “Jenjis Kahn” Kerry knows surprisingly little about either. Encouraging the average college urchin to “try to be smart” is not unlike encouraging a turd to become an egg. Also, is he by reference admitting to being a total idiot/failure/loser/maggot for “ending up” in Vietnam?
You also forgot to add “The everlasting love of a Hadji Girl.”
Derka derka mohammed jihad.
In Iraq, you kill people who disagree with you, instead of that “tolerance” stuff.
MOAB bombs are way cooler than google bombs
Bungee jumping vs. fast roping: Extreme sports are more fun when you can scare the crap out of the spectators
In the military, even the BOMBS are smart.
Free travel to interesting places…
Writer,
And then you get to kill people when you get there. I swear I have to switch Travel Agents.
“Encouraging the average college urchin to “try to be smart” is not unlike encouraging a turd to become an egg.”
Gunga, you’d have better luck with the turd, actually. ROFL
Life experience is worth more in a job interview than 5 years of wasting Daddy’s money.
and
You get to test the theory that no problem is too hard to solve given the proper (large) amounts of high explosives.
and
They don’t make action movies about accountants.