Reader Rudy sent this is:

We were lukewarm and were spewed out of the congress.
So, it’s time to turn on the CONSERVATIVE HEAT, BABY!!!

We’ll soon get a picture into how the new Democrat-controlled Congress will act when Bush renominates John Bolton.
Will the Democrats stand against him and filibuster, or will they…

Continue reading ‘Let’s Test Out that “Bipartisanship”’ »

“A chicken in every pot, a bullet in every terrorist.”
That’s the focus of this new agenda (except replace “chicken” with “nachos and beer”). All the terrorists should be dead while at the same time we’re well off enough in American to have all the nachos and beer we want. That’s the future I see for America. I have a plan that will bring happiness to Americans while bringing unhappiness to America’s enemies. My hope is that, with your support, the Republican Party will adopt this exciting new agenda as their new platform.
There are many issues facing us now, and I have just as many solutions if not more. Let’s start with the biggest issue: Iraq.
Before I give my solution for Iraq, I should explain my philosophy on the military. It starts with this:
The core values of the US military are fear, death, and destruction.
Anything that tries to wussify the military is destructive. We should not expect other countries to welcome our troops with open arms; we should expect citizens of any sane country to scream and run in terror at our approach. Our troops should be seen as demon-gods – vessels of pure destruction who know not mercy. When our troops appear in a country, the shout of “Americans!” should always be preceded with the shout of “Holy @#$%!” The enemy must know that our troops show no mercy and cannot be dissuaded and attacking us is always the absolute dumbest idea ever.
To move towards this new paradigm for the military, some changes are small. For instance:
Secretary of Defense will be named back to Secretary of War.
Changing the name of the Secretary of War to Secretary of Defense is just a step away from naming the position Secretary of Peace. It was done to make America look more peaceful, and that is completely wrong-headed. It is not what we want to project to other countries. What we want to project to other countries is:
America is a nation that loves war and only obedience to our will can stave off your destruction.
This is will only be partially true, but we want all countries to believe it.
Another way to get rid of the “nice military” image is:
Collateral damage will no longer be a factor in making military decisions.
If you don’t want to die, get out of our way. Women and children make poor shields, as most of our artillery can go right through them.
Yes, killing innocent people is awful, but giving the enemy the idea that there is some way to slow down our destructive advanced towards them is even more awful as it only invites attacks and causes even more death in the end. This new policy may cause our troops to be called “baby killers,” but they can just respond to that with, “Yes, we kill babies – enemy babies.”
Some may think the troops may not like the new image of them being deadly killers, but actually what they hate are objectives that are more complex than “kill these people and blow this stuff up.” All our trying to be nice ultimately just puts a great burden and danger on our troops by restraining their ability to kill and destroy. That’s wrong. They deserve better.
The worst of it is this whole “nation building” idea. That’s gay. Since there are many patriotic, openly-gay Americans who want to be a part of our military, they can do the nation building since that’s so gay.
Back to the main subject, how do we handle Iraq since we’re already in the position of the “nice” military who helps other countries? Well, let’s look at the first rule of applying military might to a situation:
AMERICA NEVER LOSES WARS!
EVER!
I think the solution is simple: we set a timetable for withdrawal. When we leave, we will have won… one way or another.
Yes, I know that a timetable would just mean to the terrorists that they just have to hold on only that much longer before they can own the country, but not with the way we will announce our timetable:

Continue reading ‘Frank J.’s New Agenda for America – Part 1: Iraq’ »

Inspired by this. By the way, am I the only one who had a Simpson’s flashback with this news announcement? Jagged Metal O’s.

I got this from Glenn Reynolds who was e-mailed it from Bill Whittle who found it in Tim Blair’s comment section written by Dave S.:
“The Republicans lost and the Democrats won for the same reason — they distanced themselves from their base.”

For the fourth morning in a row, I was thrown down a well during my stopover Downtown on the way to work.
What gives?

Well, other than the fact that they so unceremoniously booted E.D. Hill from the show.
And the fact that the chemistry between Steve, Brian, and Gretchen is practically nonexistent.
And the fact that Brian is just a big, unmitigated buffoon without E.D. to keep him in line.
The biggest reason I stopped watching is because Gretchen doesn’t say anything intelligent that doesn’t come off a teleprompter… Yeah, she’s a bit of a ditz.
So today I was walking through the livingroom after making Frank’s lunch (he still watches F&F while I’m sleeping and making his lunch, and I turn the channel as soon as he leaves), and here’s what Gretchen said:
“I wonder if Robert Gates had any idea he was going to be named the next Secretary of Defense.”
:-O
Are you really that vacant?
No, here’s how it went down…

Rumsfeld walked into the Oval Office and punched a hole in the wall.
Bush said, “Hey! I liked that wall! Next time you wanna punch something, let’s meet in Senate Majority Le… Senate Majority L… Aww, I can’t say it. Anyway, let’s meet in Harry Reid’s office next time, and you can punch his walls. Anyway, what’s on your mind, Rummy?”
Rumsfeld took a swig from the whiskey flask at his hip. “My wife wants to vacation more. See more national parks. Do you know that national parks are ‘pretty’? I don’t do pretty! Anyway, she says I have to retire so we can spend more ‘quality’ time together. All I can say is she still better let me have my alone time. And my walks with Chomps. Right, boy?”
The Rottweiler at Rumsfeld’s side growled in agreement and then attacked a portrait of the president.
“I never liked that painting anyway. Made me look too ‘metrosexual.’ Well, I know what it’s like to be whipped, Rummy,” Bush said. He made a whipping sound and ran across the room to the window so Rumsfeld’s strangling hands just missed his neck. “I guess that means I’ll need a new Secretary of Defense.” He looked out the window. “Hey, who’s that guy walking down the street? He looks Sec-Deffy. Hey! Secret Service! Go grab that guy and bring him up here. He’s my new Secretary of Defense.”
Rumsfeld walked up to Bush and looked him in the eye. “You may get a new Secretary of Defense, but you’ll never have another Secretary of War.”
“I know, Rummy. I know.” A tear glistened in Bush’s eye.
Rumsfeld and Chomps walked slowly out of the Oval Office. Rummy punched the door one last time on his way out, and Chomps took a chunk out of the door frame with his teeth. “Good boy, Chomps,” Rumsfeld laughed.

“Hi, Mr. President, I’m Robert Gates. What is this about?”
“You’re my New Secretary of Defense.”
“Whaaaat?!!” Robert Gates said, slapping his hands to his face in surprise.
“Yeah. You look decent in a suit, and you look like you could strategerize a war or something. The job pays about $180,000. If you want more than that, ask the Democrats; I’m sure they’ll tax some rich people to get you more — hey, now that you’ll be considered rich, they’ll probably tax you to get you more!”
“Don’t you want to know my qualifications?”
“Do you have any?” Bush asked.
“I was the Director of the CIA and am the President of Texas A&M.”
“Good grief. Don’t tell anyone about the Aggie part. Everyone will go nuts and say you’re another one of my dad’s friends — you know, he has a li-berry there. Oh, and make sure the Aggies throw the Thanksgiving football game this year, because I’m the president, and I want the Longhorns to win, or Jenna will trash the White House again.”
“I’m not sure I can do that, Mr. President.”
“DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT APPLY TO BE THE NEW SECRETARY OF DEFENSE?! IF YOU WANT THE JOB, THEN ACT LIKE IT!”
“Yes, Mr. President.”

For the Republicans who are saying that Bush should have fired Rumsfeld before the election, do you really think that would have motivated the base to go out and vote? Probably the biggest reason the Republicans lost big is they gave people nothing to vote for, and you really think seeing Rumsfeld get fired would have had everyone running to the polls? Maybe – maybe – it would have affected a few independent voters, but firing Rumsfeld just looks like weakness, and weakness doesn’t win elections.
Firing Rumsfeld is appeasement to the Democrats, and appeasing the Democrats is the first step on the road towards appeasing terrorists.
No appeasement!

Afghanistan celebrates the formation of it’s new Ministry of Silly Walks.
[Hat tip to CENTCOM for the pic]