Aaaaaand this is why I stopped watching FOX & Friends
In SarahK’s World

Well, other than the fact that they so unceremoniously booted E.D. Hill from the show.
And the fact that the chemistry between Steve, Brian, and Gretchen is practically nonexistent.
And the fact that Brian is just a big, unmitigated buffoon without E.D. to keep him in line.
The biggest reason I stopped watching is because Gretchen doesn’t say anything intelligent that doesn’t come off a teleprompter… Yeah, she’s a bit of a ditz.
So today I was walking through the livingroom after making Frank’s lunch (he still watches F&F while I’m sleeping and making his lunch, and I turn the channel as soon as he leaves), and here’s what Gretchen said:
“I wonder if Robert Gates had any idea he was going to be named the next Secretary of Defense.”
:-O
Are you really that vacant?
No, here’s how it went down…


Rumsfeld walked into the Oval Office and punched a hole in the wall.
Bush said, “Hey! I liked that wall! Next time you wanna punch something, let’s meet in Senate Majority Le… Senate Majority L… Aww, I can’t say it. Anyway, let’s meet in Harry Reid’s office next time, and you can punch his walls. Anyway, what’s on your mind, Rummy?”
Rumsfeld took a swig from the whiskey flask at his hip. “My wife wants to vacation more. See more national parks. Do you know that national parks are ‘pretty’? I don’t do pretty! Anyway, she says I have to retire so we can spend more ‘quality’ time together. All I can say is she still better let me have my alone time. And my walks with Chomps. Right, boy?”
The Rottweiler at Rumsfeld’s side growled in agreement and then attacked a portrait of the president.
“I never liked that painting anyway. Made me look too ‘metrosexual.’ Well, I know what it’s like to be whipped, Rummy,” Bush said. He made a whipping sound and ran across the room to the window so Rumsfeld’s strangling hands just missed his neck. “I guess that means I’ll need a new Secretary of Defense.” He looked out the window. “Hey, who’s that guy walking down the street? He looks Sec-Deffy. Hey! Secret Service! Go grab that guy and bring him up here. He’s my new Secretary of Defense.”
Rumsfeld walked up to Bush and looked him in the eye. “You may get a new Secretary of Defense, but you’ll never have another Secretary of War.”
“I know, Rummy. I know.” A tear glistened in Bush’s eye.
Rumsfeld and Chomps walked slowly out of the Oval Office. Rummy punched the door one last time on his way out, and Chomps took a chunk out of the door frame with his teeth. “Good boy, Chomps,” Rumsfeld laughed.


“Hi, Mr. President, I’m Robert Gates. What is this about?”
“You’re my New Secretary of Defense.”
“Whaaaat?!!” Robert Gates said, slapping his hands to his face in surprise.
“Yeah. You look decent in a suit, and you look like you could strategerize a war or something. The job pays about $180,000. If you want more than that, ask the Democrats; I’m sure they’ll tax some rich people to get you more — hey, now that you’ll be considered rich, they’ll probably tax you to get you more!”
“Don’t you want to know my qualifications?”
“Do you have any?” Bush asked.
“I was the Director of the CIA and am the President of Texas A&M.”
“Good grief. Don’t tell anyone about the Aggie part. Everyone will go nuts and say you’re another one of my dad’s friends — you know, he has a li-berry there. Oh, and make sure the Aggies throw the Thanksgiving football game this year, because I’m the president, and I want the Longhorns to win, or Jenna will trash the White House again.”
“I’m not sure I can do that, Mr. President.”
“DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT APPLY TO BE THE NEW SECRETARY OF DEFENSE?! IF YOU WANT THE JOB, THEN ACT LIKE IT!”
“Yes, Mr. President.”

15 Comments

  1. Bwaahaahaha! So it’s not just me after all! Did you see her the day she “interviewed” Barak Obama? She was acting so much like a poodle-in-heat that I thought the producers were going to come out and throw a bucket of cold water on her. I miss E.D.!!!!!

  2. sniff Bye Rummy… bye Chomps.
    Rumsfeld walked up to Bush and looked him in the eye. “You may get a new Secretary of Defense, but you’ll never have another Secretary of War.”
    “I know, Rummy. I know.” A tear glistened in Bush’s eye.
    In My World will never be the same.

  3. Screw the Longhorn’s, Austin is nothing but a hippie incubating patch anyhow. =D
    In all seriousness I am a Texas Aggie and had the priveldge on several occations of working with Dr. Gates (mostly on raising money for Katrina Relief) and he will probably be right there with Rumsfeld as one of the best Sec. Def’s in the country’s history.

  4. Those foolish democrats don’t know what they’ve done…what they’ve unleashed…
    Rumsfeld is no longer restrained by Bush, and they have no way of keeping track of him!
    He’s free to strangle whoever he wants now, and the way the democrats have been treating him on the war, they’re probably #1 on his list!
    Obviously, the democrats have never heard the saying “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, otherwise the last sound you’ll ever hear is an angry ‘Rarr!'”

  5. Thank you for kind of clarifying why the F&F format was changed. I presumed it was because of Dayside getting booted and that maybe E.D. wanted her own show? Wanted a time change so she could get her kids off to school in the morning? Our time-change is too drastic for me to be able to catch F&F all the time or, now, E.D.’s show. We’re 8 hours ahead of NY time…
    If anyone can tell me why they eliminated Dayside, I’d appreciate it. One day it was on, and the next, it’s not. I go to the Fox Website and find out that Mike and Juliette had a show with their favorite moments. Huh?
    And the next time I go to watch F&F, E.D. is gone…
    Thanks.

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