“America is a country of peace, but we are quite prepared if non-peace breaks out.”
Last time, I laid out an agenda for our military in relation to the conflict in Iraq. Now, I’ll lay out more general reforms of the military. Let start with this fact:
The key skill of the military is shooting foreigners in the face.
While I support great new technologies such as smart bomb and giant robots with Gatling guns for arms, we should always be ahead of other countries in the ability to shoot people in the face. When our troops are on the ground and facing the enemy rifle to rifle, the enemy should be well aware that he is going to be shot in the face because that’s what our troops do and are good at. When foreigners see Americans, they should yell, “Not in the face!” This means giving our troops all the training they need and reliable rifles before worrying about all the cool high-tech stuff.
This leads to another reform:
The .45 should return as the sidearm of choice.
If we want out military to be feared as demon-gods in other countries, then they can’t be carrying some pansy little metric round like the 9mm. The .45 is the kind of round you have nightmares of getting shot in the face with. Give our troops .45s!
While military reform should be focused on the basics of shooting people in the face, there still must be a strong focus on new technology. Our advanced technology which makes everyone else seem like cavemen in comparison is a big part of making America seem god-like in all conflicts it in engages in. And, when America is seen as a wrathful god, conflicts will end quickly. That’s why we must focus on one especially important technology:
We need a spaced-base laser for eliminating targets on the ground.
I have long been a proponent of a space-based laser I call S.M.I.T.E (see here and here). If we have a laser that can shoot from space and eliminate any individual in sight, foreigners will have no choice but to conclude that we are gods. Any time a terrorist steps out of a cave, he will know that we can smite him at any moment with no consequences to us. This is a powerful psychological tool.
Scientists say it’s hard to focus a laser beam from space all the way through the atmosphere without it being diffused, but that just means we need better scientists. We do stuff in earth’s atmosphere all the time – fly planes, float weather balloons, have barbecues – so there is no reason we can’t fire a laser through it. We need to get working on this yesterday!
So what to do with our appearance of god-like power? We use it to get this point across:
Other countries only exist because we let them.
Most foreigners forget this because of the foolishness of trying to make our military seem “nice” (as I talked about in Part 1). Islamic radicals attack us because they think we won’t obliterate their cities even though we are fully capable of it. We have to end that foolish idea. How much missile defense does their favorite city, Mecca, have? None. It’s time to get rid of the idea that Allah can somehow stop the might of America.
I think a positive step towards ending radical Islam would be to do a bombing run on Mecca. Except, they would all be dummy bombs with these words written on them in multiple languages: “America has decided to let Mecca exist… for now.” This properly demonstrates our power and abilities while respecting the holy places of other religions (we can even fill the dummy bombs with free Korans and prayer rugs; America loves giving gifts to other countries even if we’re still hated).
Now, some other countries may complain about this. This leads to another rule:
Any criticism of our military actions from other countries will always be ignored.
If a leader of a country calls us up to complain, the president will hang up on him immediately. If someone starts to speak out against America’s actions at the U.N., the U.S.’s U.N. ambassador will then walk up, punch the person speaking in his dumb monkey face, and then leave without uttering another word. Other countries are free to complain about us to each other, but they must understand that we are never listening. Ever. They must all understand this:
The only way to end U.S. military action is for the other parties involved to become peaceful.
Dead is peaceful, but, as part of our policy of limited benevolence, that will be a last resort (or, at least, not usually the first resort).
I think that’s enough for you all to cogitate on today. Next time, I’ll talk about troop benefits and what defines treason (which people will actually be arrested for now). Then, I’ll move on to the domestic front, most likely starting with border security since that is a big concern of many and something the Republicans have dropped the ball on. I can’t solve every problem facing America and the world, but I will try.
I hope you will continue to support this exciting new positive agenda for America (even if you’re one of my international readers). If you have an idea so you can visibly show support, put it in the comments.
Be honorable, ronin.
The thing to remember is that our nuclear missle submarines could go “rogue”. Or, a couple fleet carriers could be taken over by “pirates”. Imagine what could happen to Syria or say France, if the US Navy was not given it’s proper respect.
what about france?
France?
No one knows, they simply became quiet.
.45 ACP! .45 ACP! .45 ACP!
Thank God for John Browning.
So basically, you’re saying that we should be the Chuck Norris of nations, right? No arguments there.
I think this is an important point, that people should remember…maybe we should include it with the korans and other writings that are in multiple languages that we drop on Mecca.
But not Arabic, Frank, ’cause that’s what terrorists speak. I don’t know any terrorists, so I don’t know anyone who speaks Arabic, so who are we going to get to write the messages for the bombs? If we start dealing with people who speak Arabic, it’s not far down the slippery slope before we start dealing with terrorists.
Still not quite there yet.
Ok…and the dems are in charge and just exactly how do all these excellent suggestions get implemented by a bunch of sissy boy homos?
Now I get it Frank IS the Emperor of the World I guess I was drinking again,
Bob
“The .45 should return as the sidearm of choice.”
And the M14 as the rifle of choice.
ussjimmycarter: Are you sure you were not talking about (some) Republicans?
Excellent ideas, Frank. This will certainly bring peace in our time.
Do you think we could send an audio message along with our laser smiting? Something along the lines of: “Verily, verily, I say unto you: American is mine blessed land. Lift not thy hand against her, and I shall not blow thee to tiny bits, in My mercy. Amen.”
“The .45 should return as the sidearm of choice.”
You know, during WWII, the Nazi’s were terrified of being shot by a .45. The used to talk about the “cowboy Americans with their .45’s”, but they were scared to death of them. Just looking at mine, I can understand why. That’s an AWFULLY big hole on the front of that gun…
I’ve linked to you here.
http://consul-at-arms.blogspot.com/2006/11/re-frank-js-new-agenda-for-america.html
FrankJ you hit the nail on the head. However, we have way to many tree-hugging hippies for the general public to actually hear about what we Marines are trying to accomplish. In Iraq, the insurgents referred to the US Marines as “The Angels of Death” in whatever insignificant language they decided to speak that day. It is said that a man once walked a great distance to surrender to the US Army while in Iraq, when asked why he didn’t surrender at a closer city it is said that his reply was “Because there are Marines over there!” Apparently, and I’m not going to point any fingers cough PsyOps cough, there was a growing impression that US Marines are sent from the Devil or that you have to kill you mother or something disturbing in order to be a US Marine. This idea has be propagated and encouraged for widespread dissemination. Because a surrendering insurgent is much easier to deal with than an insurgent who doesn’t fear you. This idea is not new either. Back in the days of WWI at the battle of Belleau Wood, the US Marines charged across an open battle field and up a hill into the teeth of machine gun fire from a strategically superior German entrenchment along the woodline and ROUTED the enemy!!! From that day forth, the Germans referred to the Marines as “Teufel Hunden” or “dog from Hell/the devil” we adopted it and that’s why you often hear of a Marine referred to as a “Devil Dog.”
We Marines seek to instill our ethos of “Pain Hate Discontent” into the enemy.
Demoralizing the bad guys is just as good (and cheaper) as destroying them outright. We Marines still train to accurately engage a man size target with our M16A2 service rifle at 500yds without any optical enhancements a.k.a. open-sights (ex. no scopes)
We know that the effective range of an AK-47 is only about 300-400 yards and so does the enemy, so they thing nothing of standing up to take a peak at 450-500 yards and at 500 yrds a 5.56mm round fired from an M16A2 strikes with 217 ft/lbs which is 4 more ft/lbs than it takes to crush a bone, do you see where I’m going? Marines most definitely train to shoot foreigners in the face and really far away (mind you that’s ALL Marines, we are all Riflemen, from the infantry men to cooks to computer guys, the Marine Corps trains us all to do that) Not to mention the fact that all Marines are trained in the Marine Corps Martial Arts Program (MCMAP) which allows us to cause pain hate and discontent when we are within arms reach 🙂 As for you idea for S.M.I.T.E., well the good ole Air Force is a step in the right direction with the AC-130U Spectre
a.k.a. “Puff the Magic Dragon”
She’s a C-130 with a 105mm howitzer stickin’ out of the side as well as a few smaller auto cannons.
She’ll get the job done until we get your space-based laser.
Until then, thanks for the laughs