Congratulations to my brother, Lt. Joe foo’ the Marine. Today he received his commission and officially became an officer. May he be responsible for the death of many evil foreigners in his career.
Can I get an “Ooh-rah!”?

Okay, so Kanye West stirred up a lot of controvery last year by saying that President Bush hates black people because of the response to Hurricane Katrina.
Well, folks. I hate to admit it, but he’s right.
Here’s the proof:

Not only is he trying to strangle blues legend BB King, but the man has the audacity to do it at a public ceremony!
And that goofy-assed look of stupefied bewildermenalism on his face? Oh. My. [Hebrew Deity]. It’s like he’s never strangled a man before. He’s so bad at it, BB King is laughing at him.
Now if he had let Donald Rumsfeld do it, man, that guy is a pro at wasting guitarists. He could probably wipe out BB King, Eric Clapton, and David Gilmour before anybody would notice. (Especially not Pete Townshend)
But we all know what happened to Donald Rumsfeld… a human sacrifice on the Altar Of Pelosi.
I am not proud to be an American today.

There’s been an awful lot of talk about CAIR and blogs being shut down and IMAO being the root cause of one of those shutdowns blah de blah de blah. (I usually quit reading stuff after the first two paragraphs)
As Spacemonkey said, the R in CAIR stands for Relationship, so I’m having a hard time understanding how one can establish a relationship with someone by out-and-out shutting them down.
There’s also been a lot of talk about “Throwing Lair under the train” and “All they want is the Jew” and “Empty his pockets before we hand him over” kind of stuff, but I know they’re just kidding.
I mean, does this look like the kind of guy that would shut down a site over a silly little Jew?

By the way, IMAO would like to wish CAIR Publicity Affairs Director Ibrahim Hooper (pictured above) a swift recovery from what I’m going to assume is his recent head surgery. I mean, looking at the photo, you can’t see any blood seeping through the bandages, so he must be recovering quickly already, right? Praise Allah!
See, folks? We’re wishing him well. And we wish all of the members of CAIR well, no matter what malady or illness, mental or physical, they may be suffering from at the moment.
We are here for them. We’re ready to provide a shoulder for them to lean on or cry upon.
Because that’s how you build a positive and constructive relationship with people.
Together, we can build a better future.

SarahK had been trying to locate a Wii to buy me as a Christmas present and we were avoiding those expensive bundles they sold online, but yesterday I was really dumb and ordered a bundle from Toys R’ Us online with five games and some $40 starter pack I probably don’t want (at least the whole thing was $50 cheaper than listed now when I ordered). By the time I realized how stupid and bad I was, it was too late to cancel the order. Anyone know my option on unloading the games I don’t want since Toys R’ Us isn’t being cooperative. Like, can I return them without a receipt unopened to Wal-Mart for at least store credit so we can buy the food my reckless spending has denied us?
Stupid dumb bad Frank! The whole point of the book was to get us out of debt, but, no, you had to…
BTW, this has inspired me to do a new comic series I hope to premiere soon.

CAIR, the Council on American-Islamic Relations, has been doing much to promote the existence of a tender loving side of all Islamists everywhere. A side that YOU KNOW just wants to make us both a fresh cup of hot cocoa, with tiny marshmallows, and sit with us on the porch at night and listen to the gentle falling autumn rain all the while reminiscing about the humor of the popular but now defunct Calvin and Hobbes comic strip of days gone by. At times I get the feeling that an Islamist’s violently protesting the mere existence of America in the streets of Damascus may just be a way of asking if we’d prefer a dash or nutmeg or cinnamon but seems to me, they (CAIR) are only doing half the job their name implies.
Sure, I could see CAIR acting like beheadings, behandings, stonings and honor killings are all just quaint little carryovers from a bygone era sort of like churning your own butter or using table manners. And maybe, I can see them portraying those sorts of behaviors as just a big ol’ buncha hooey trumped up by the zionists and crusaders to make Islamists look barbaric The end result there is an obvious heartfelt effort to make Islamis look better in the eyes of Americans. But what about the other half of the RELATIONship (The ‘R’ in CAIR), What are they doing there?
Are they doing anything to promote Americans and their behavior among Islamists radical or otherwise? If so, I’ve not seen it. Did they make videos showing Abu Graib was just a big prison slumber party gone terribly awry? Not that I saw. Do the have news conferences saying how the the invasions of Afghanistan and Iraq are attempts to make the Islamic world a safer place so you can in the privacy or your own home to beat your wife (or wives) for showing some ankle in public? Nooooo! I’ve never seen that video either.
Do they show how blessing of plenty in America and ask does Allah allow wickedness to flourish and abound while many islamists live on diets of warm sand. Do they ever suggest maybe Allah likes us a little bit too or else he’d be smashing us into warm sand to feed the Islamists with? If so they’ve kept them hidden even from the New York Times.
To me it seems they only care (get it?) about making Americans look bad and Islamists look good. While I admire them for taking the harder task, still that’s an all take and no give arrangement. Relationships like that are doomed. It’s time to break up. Because CAIR, doesn’t.

It’s Friday, so you know it’s time for the wire services to post the non sequitur non-news story of Mahmoud Abbas praying at a mosque.
However, this week’s different… this week we’re going to start a new feature called:

WHAT IS MAHMOUD ABBAS PRAYING FOR?
So, from Mahmoud Abbas’ expressions, can you tell what Mahmoud Abbas is praying for?
Is it:

a) A shipment of some real “Head And Shoulders” instead of this cheap, UN-knockoff “Behead and Shoulder-Fired Missiles” camel-spunk

b) Atkns-friendly relief supplies. Having the tailors of his suits executed to cover his weight gain is backfiring… they’re all moving back to Jordan.

c) Nobody to notice his rug. Now where did Arafat keep the clean tablecloths…

d) Head and Shoulders! Now!

e) Home Depot to build a franchise in Ramallah. Some wood paneling could cover up that ugly flag on the wall.

f) Dr. Rusty Shackleford to get a kitten for Christmas.

g) To be able to afford chairs. All this standing and bowing is killing his knees.

h) An aspirin for his knees.
or
i) NONE OF THE ABOVE
Put your guesses in the comments.

I noticed Barnes & Noble and Amazon.com (plus a few other sellers) suddenly have my book in stock. I was hoping to be exclusive until after Christmas, but buying direct from NTM Publishing is still cheapest (especially for multiple copies) plus it’s the only place to get a signed copy with original hand-drawn Frank J. artwork with the extra money going to charity to support the troops.
Maybe it’s time to start sending out those review copies. I have a great gift to go along with the book I’m sending Glenn Reynolds…
Anyhoo, order soon if you want it before Christmas or before CAIR decides to shut us down.

A blogger (Right Wing Howler) quoted part of one of my editorials (adding a few remarks of his own), and the Council on American-Islamic Relations (you know, the terrorist support group) got his website account suspended. Here’s a google cache of one of the relevant posts.
Man, I hope CAIR never follows the link, comes here, and finds out about Lair, because then we’re totally screwed.
I’ll try and investigate this one further…
UPDATE:
Commentary on the shut down here. I’ll see if I can get a response from Vilmar of Right Wing Howler.
UPDATE 2:
Vilmar only had this to say:

I think it is pathetic. Much more than that I am not sure I should get into.

UPDATE 3:
The Jawa Report calls for IMAO to be shut down… because of Lair!
I really should backup IMAO more often…

I’ve yet to weigh in on the Rosie O’Donnell mocking the Chinese controversy, so most of you probably don’t know what to think about it. As you all know, I’m an avid View watcher and never miss an episode and have been trembling with excitement ever since Rosie was added to the cast. Thus, it probably won’t come as a surprise that I fully support Rosie’s decision to mock the Chinese language. Sometimes when I’m picking up Chinese food, the restaurant owners will talk to each other in Chinese and it really does sound like a bunch of “chings” and “chongs” peppered with a mention or two of Danny DeVito. I’m glad someone finally put those Chinese in their place because they think they’re so great since they have all the General Tso’s chicken. Well, you’re not. And the only reason Rosie’s imitation stung so much is because it was such a dead on impression.
Maybe it’s time for the Chinese to take a moment to reflect and think about making their language less silly sounding.

I don’t care so much about the Weblog Awards, and here’s why: I’m never a finalist (actually, I might have been one year, I don’t remember — that’s how much I don’t care). That’s right. It’s because I am one of the best storytellers on the interwebs, and I never get my props. And in the Best Diarist category, I’ve heard of ONE of the nominees. I’ve actually never read JustdotChristina, but I hope she wins, just because I’ve actually heard of her. There, I said it. I don’t care if I’m the only one thinking it, that’s why I don’t care about the Weblog Awards.
And seriously, IMAO is in the same category as one blog whose schtick is to post a picture on the blog then say, “That picture sucks! I hate the person in this picture! I’m so much better than everyone else! Lick my boots!” Um, ok, that’s humor? Put it back in the culture or diarist category where it belongs. Humor? Whatever.
Anyway, my friend Kimmy from Ramble Strip is nominated in one of the Top Thousands categories. I fully endorse her and endorse your voting for her. Voting ends tonight, and then Lair and I can be happy again.

Continue reading ‘Vote for Kim!’ »

It wouldn’t be so hard except that I try to come up with something new and funny to put in each book (and so far been successful). That means that everyone who ordered a signed copy of my book gets original Frank J. humor that only he or she will ever get to see and then can lock that humor in a Frank J. humor vault and no one else in the world will ever get to know its joy.
Anyway, I’ll try to apply my muse to other things than book signing today.