I have to say that this whole Imus thing makes me a little worried. With humor, we’re always pushing the boundaries, and, if I’m not careful, I could end up the object of condemnation. Thus, to make sure I don’t say something racially insensitive, I’m going to focus all racial hatred on a group I won’t get in trouble belittling: The Irish.
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The Irish are, by all measures, an inferior race. According to an Oxford study, the Irish are genetically prone to violence. Plus, they are incapable of higher mental feats usually associated with human intelligence. Teaching algebra to an Irishman is as big a waste of time as trying to teach a cat to use a butter churn. Further study of the Irish’s DNA proves they are actually more similar to a weasel than a Englishman.
So, what to do of these Irish who could break out into violence at any moment and are incapable of being reasoned with? The only solution is to call them racial slurs. Some suggestions:
Mick
Paddy
Shant
Spud
Bog-Jumper
Coal-Cracker
Turf-Cutter
Pot-Licker
Potato-Eater
Mucker
Fumblin’ Dublin
Giant Leprechaun
Kermit
Drunk
What’s your favorite slur for this inferior race?
Notre Dame fan
I used to have to work with a fat guy surnamed o’connor. He loved to pick on the fact that I had lived in the south. He asked me all sorts of dumbass questions about the south like “McDonalds starts with an M-C, why do rednecks call it MAC Donalds.”
I said, “Because of the “big Mac.”
He said “That still doesn’t make sense, it’s still McDonalds, just because the sandwich is called a big Mac, doesn’t make the store MAC Donalds.”
I said “Well, if they called it a big MICK they’d be talking about a FAT IRISHMAN!!!”
I was in the Air Force at the time and got stuck on weekend clean up duty for that.
Fricking irishman….
So would you say that James Joyce and Bram Stoker were incapable of higher mental feats? What about Michael Collins or Patrick Pearse? (tongue in cheek I know this is all in good fun)
But anyways here’s one person who stands against anti-Irish racism. 😉 Don’t knock my ethnicity! lol
GAYLICK
I dunno, comparing them to an Englishman is pretty insulting already.
btw, I’m Kraut/Mick/Jockie so Insults don’t work on me. Oh wait, they do. Ach.
PS: I had to look up what the Scots are called. “Jockie”? My dreams have been stolen.
I understand PajamasMedia has suspended Mr. J, but I would also say that there’s nobody on my staff who would still be working for me if they made a comment like that about anybody of any ethnic group. And I would hope that IMAO ends up having that same attitude.
Hey Frank, aren’t you a pot-licking Mick?
No Jonag, he’s Flemish. Get it?
Guinness Guzzlers
I recall a line from the movie The Commitments; “Irish are the Blacks of Europe, and Dubliners are the Blacks of Ireland.”
“I’m black and I’m proud!”
You missed:
Bog-trotter (though you came close)
Culchie (City Irish name for Country Irish)
Jackeen (Country Irish name for Dubliners)
Gobshite
Taeg (Unionist to Nationalist)
West Brit (Nationalist to Irish people with British synpathy.
Finally, an anti-Irish joke I was told in Endland:
How do you confuse an Irishman?
Put a shovel and a spade against a wall, and ask him to take his pick.
Ha, Patrick, I saw “Culchie” in Ken Bruens latest book. Hell of a writer.
Spud-muncher
As a side note, I know all about anti-Irish prejudice (I’m half Irish, half Mexican). My British ex-girlfriend used to call me the product of the two laziest races on the planet. Too lazy to get up from the couch and walk to the corner store for more Guinness.
As one of scot descent, I only know one Irish joke. No slurs not previously mentioned, sorry.
What’s the difference between an Irishman and an Englishman?
Give me a minute, I’ll think of something.
Here is a good Irish joke:
Q: What do you call an Irish Seven Course Dinner?
A: A boiled potato and a six pack!
Ha!
What’s Irish and stays out all night?
Paddy O’Furniture.
I get the part about the sneaky cats (licking the butter when you’re not looking), but what do Irishmen do to the algebra?
As a German/Native American/Scot, I resent the suggestion that one’s comparison with an Englishman is what determines one as intelligent.
Fanny-bandits
what do Irishmen do to the algebra?
Probably sprinkle it with holy water.
My favorite slur on the Irish comes from the play Red Roses for Me, written by Sean O’Casey, who was, of course, Irish.
Main character: We pray too much and work too little.
Ill-Tempered Cur: Mexicans are just about the last ethnic group whom I would call lazy. I’d say that they do the majority of the hard physical work here in Silicon Valley. I’ve always thought that I worked hard, but I wouldn’t trade my job for, say, a roofer’s, even if I got to keep my income.
Go bpléasca scata Fomhórach ólta do dhiosca crua.
Well, I call Matty O’Blackfive “Paddy O’Tatertot”.
It’s sort of a St. Patty’s Day tradition by now.
Silicon Valley Jim: No arguments there, my ex said it, not me…
it’s spelled taig, which means “irish catholic”. Or if you want to be asked to step out side, call an irishman a “thick mick”. frank, I know this post is in jest so I bid you all peace love and understanding.
all the best,
martin “ceann rua” corbett
why do the irish fight each other? they can’t find anyone else worthy.
ceann rua
Genetically more similar to a weasel than an Englishman? Thank you.
What’s your favorite slur for this inferior race?
Dad.
I’m part german AND part french AND even a little scotch-irish, so I threaten myself and quickly retreat… I could use a beer
Why did God invent whiskey? To keep the Scots and Irish from taking over the world. My favorite Irish name is Sharon McGroin.
Shamrock Ni**ers
Don’t count on not getting in trouble by using Irish slurs. It seems I remember George Allen getting in hot water for refering to someone as McCacca.
Hi-Oh! Here’s hoping that shamrock works as a fig leaf, Beo!
How could everyone forget DONKEY? Which reminds me:
Twenty years ago, you’d walk into an Irish bar, there’d be rock-n-roll on the jukebox, American sports on the TV, and the bartender in the corner arguing about Mickey Mantle’s lifetime batting average (he was usually right).
Walk into one today (at least in NYC) and you’ve got soccer on the TV, some techno crap throbbing from the juke, and a bartender who has to be told Game 7 of The World Series is on. Satellites have let them bring their Euro-culture with them, and if you don’t like it, you can kiss their assimilation. On top of that, they go open their own place within five years and spread the disease some more.
I genuinely used to get a kick out of them – now I just wanna kick them out of the country.
Why don’t Irish women use vibrators? They chip their teeth…
it always amazes me to hear americans insult the irish…especially as most of them love claiming irish ancestors.
Dear Rachel,
Please lighten up.
I say this as a former Irishman (now a Yank). I lived in England for a couple of years after I got out of college, right around the time the IRA blew up Mountbatten while he was out sailing. Now that‘s when I heard some anti-Irish insults.
America, by comparison, is a breeze. I love this country.
Patrick
Why don’t you call an Irishman drunk? It’s redundant!
Sharon McGroin??!! That’s too funny!
It sounds like a character in a Will Ferrell movie.
What do you call two Irish crack jockeys?
Michael Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzmichael
I think the best Irish slur is one that my Anglophile friend came up with to insult me:
“Spud-sucking famine fleer”
Also relevant, from The Black Donnellys: (just canceled – RIP)
“The Irish have always been the victims of negative stereotypes. I mean, people think we’re all drunks and brawlers. And sometimes, it gets you so mad, all you want to do is get drunk and punch somebody.”
Nippy-headed hos.
Why did God invent whiskey?
To keep the Irish from taking over the world.