I think the Republican presidential debate may be on now (I’m not sure; I don’t really follow politics), but Fred Thompson isn’t in it, so who cares? Anyway, here are some words from Fred Thompson about Castro, Michael Moore, and health care.
BTW, I found out Marvel has some comics free online, and I read an Ultimate Spider-Man (#87) and found out that Peter Parker’s rival Flash Thompson’s real name is Fred Thompson. Apparently he uses the nickname so Fred Thompson doesn’t murder him for using his name in vain.
Archive of entries posted on 3rd May 2007
State of the Frank Report
This is the part of the blog where I write about my day for those interested.
They’re rebuilding the monkey house!
How can this be? I even used hidden speakers and squibs to make them think the place was haunted. Still, there they go rebuilding it.
Thus, the wife and I have been quite busy painting the house and getting it ready to sell. We’re going to move to Texas where there are many laws on the books regulating how close a monkey house can be to residential areas.
Painting is a pain. It’s not the painting so much as the prep work such as the taping and the drop cloths. And then little things are always coming up and needing to be fixed. It seems like we’ll never be done and away from the monkeys.
And then there’s those trips to the hardware store. I was rushing to get to Home Depot before it closed when someone jumped on my hood. “We need to talk!”
Batman! “Like hell we do.” I maneuvered the car to ram into a telephone poll, but he jumped off just before the collision.
Bruised and battered I struggled to get out of the car, but then hand gabbed me and yanked me out. “They’re still investigating you about Aquaman’s disappearance!” Batman yelled at me.
“I don’t have time for this; Home Depot closes in fifteen minutes.” I came at him with an uppercut. He dodged and socked me in the gut. I ignored the pain and took the open shot at his head. He kicked me, knocking me to the ground, but I had what I needed: His grappling gun.
I fired it at a truck that raced by and zipped myself to it, grabbing hold of the back. “Goodbye, Bat… stupid!” I yelled at Batman (I really need to write those sorts of lines ahead of time).
I got to Home Depot and got a new can of orange peel texture spray just before it closed. I then had to call SarahK for a ride back and sent a tow truck for my car the next morning. Stupid Batman. I wonder what he wanted?
Frank Advice for the Republican Presidential Debate
Apparently there is a presidential debate for the Republicans tonight. It’s too early for me to care much, but I think I should be a team player and offer some advice.
FRANK ADVICE FOR THE REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE
* Make it clear that nukes are on the table when dealing with Iran. If another candidate already said that, up the ante by adding, “And the table is made of C4!”
* Promise to cut taxes. If everyone keeps promising to cut even more taxes, say you’ll actually pay people to be Americans by taking money away from the poor and uneducated (the poor and uneducated don’t watch Republican presidential debates).
* You don’t want to appear hateful, so don’t call John Edwards any sort of homosexual slur. In fact, come out and explicitly say, “I’m not going to call John Edwards a faggot.”
* If asked whether you’re worried about Fred Thompson joining the race, try not to urinate uncontrollably while answering the question.
* Great line for whoever uses it first: “If Harry Reid keeps it up, he’s going to need a withdrawal date for my foot from his ass!”
* If you ever need to get the crowd going, just start listing Democrats you think should be executed for treason.
* To get your bona fides on the issue of illegal immigration, strangle a Mexican on stage. You’ll have to be quick about it or you’ll just look like your copying Tom Trancredo.
* If asked whether the war in Iraq can be won, the best answer for that is, “Only a homo would ask that question.” Actually, that’s great response for a lot of questions.
* Republicans want a man of action, so don’t be afraid to break things in controlled fits of rage.
