Thank goodness it’s over. See how low a priority this bleh season was for us? Even the season finale got saved for the next day.
Yeah, it always works well, that “going through the motions of handing stuff over” thing. Nothing ever goes wrong when they do stuff like that. And they never find those tracking devices, right, Berus?
Oh yeah, apologizing to the Russians. That’s a good move. All the strong presidents do that.
CTU’s really good about letting people in custody use cellphones. A lot.
Suh-NAPP! Bill isn’t taking Shrill’s phone calls. And that lasted all of two seconds. It must be love. Aww. But they’re no Tony and Michelle. Who are dead, allegedly. I love how CTU’s all up in Bill’s business. “This subpoena covers your family photo albums, plus all your Playboys. Hand them over. We’re particularly interested in July 1986.”
Nadia (Yassir) is a mole, just like I said all along. Just you watch. “You’re not going off-book on this.” How ’bout I smash a book in your face? He’s an innocent kid being pawned off against his will, not a piece of furniture, and we should be kicking Russia’s pinkytoe for even threatening to pee in our general direction.
That’s kind of crappy of Milo’s brother to say, that Milo wasn’t actually brave. He just did it because he was in love with Nadia (Yassir). Yeah? Well earlier in the day, he had someone to protect out in the field, and he did some pretty cool, brave stuff, so maybe you should just shut your face. Furthermore, SO’S YOUR FACE!
OOH! I’M AWESOME! I totally called that. Right before Doyle opened the component thingy, I said, “Or that could be a bomb. They have no reason to play nice.” Boom. This is why you don’t negotiate with terrorists. Have I mentioned that before?
Has our side done anything right since Jack kicked the guy out of the back of the subway car and made him explode in the tunnel instead of at Union Station?
“I should have listened to you Jack.” “You did what you thought was right.” Is Jack EVER going to say, “You know what? Yeah. You shoulda. And since you didn’t, more people are probably going to die, stupid. You’re a horrible leader. You should quit before you screw up something else. Remember I used to run this place.” Of course, that’s before he was tortured for two years by the Chinese…
Nice. Doyle will be blind in at least one eye. Good job, Yassir (Nadia).
I think Milo’s brother poisoned Chloe by sticking her with something or touching her with something when he hugged her, and that’s why she passed out. Or Nadia did it. She couldn’t be less concerned about her. Oh yeah, there’s option #3. She’s preggers. That would explain why she’s been a complete cranky bore for 23+hours.
BTW, Brother Biscuit has been pretty much the only character I liked this season.
Hey, VPOTT, do you really think the Russians are gonna be happy if they don’t see the circuit board to know for sure it’s destroyed? You’re not thinking clearly.
Nadia (Yassir) to Jack: “I can’t authorize that mission.” You forget he doesn’t work for you.
Evil Granpappy Bauer says that Josh is behaving like a child. Maybe because he is one.
I swear, EGB is gonna tell Josh that he’s his father. Wow, I’m impressed the kid had it in him. Jack: “I promise, you do not want to live with the pain of killing another person.” “Yeah, but I also don’t want to live with the Chinese. They’re communist!”
Jack’s a moron. His dad is so not gonna just die. He should have finished him off. And who wants to bet that Chang doesn’t have the component? Betcha EGB has it.
Total Sunglasses Moment. Suvarov is talking to VPOTT, and they’re on speakerphone, and Suvarov, in a moment of complete melodrama, picks up the receiver on his end of the line. He’s not asking any questions of VPOTT or anything, just saying that he regrets that his country almost killed itself and stuff. He doesn’t ask the people in his office to leave the room, and he doesn’t say to VPOTT, “Hey, could you take me off speaker, please? I want to say a bunch of stuff I don’t mean.” Just takes him off speakerphone on his own end.
Oh, and how about that whole, “We just heard the Chinese saying that they have a sub 10 minutes off your coast.” We wouldn’t know if the Chinese had a sub 10 minutes off our coast? How much do we suck if that happens? And if Russia hears it first, we’re so screwed. Y’all know those guys are totally BFFs, and we’re like the third friend that they both pretend to be friends with but then as soon as we leave the lunch table they’re all talking about how ugly our shoes are.
Wow, Laura Ingraham’s walk-on role was in the season finale. The show should feel honored.
Brother Biscuit is a good guy.
Yes, Chloe is pregnant.
They always say that to Jack. “Jack, I understand you’re angry.” “Audrey’s all I’ve got.” Her? I keep waiting for her pop her eyes open all sudden-like and say, “Jack, we need to talk about our relationship.”
Wow, when the main action was over, there was still a half hour left in the show. We kept waiting for something to happen. It didn’t. Yet we also kept seeing commercials for “Do you want more? Go see the Day 6 Debrief after the season finale!” and every time I would just say, “Actually, no. I don’t want more. I want it to stop.”
I guess they just tied up most of the loose ends, let Jack cry some more, and showed that basically they can take the show in any direction next year (rework, anyone? I vote for SD-6 or APO). One loose end I don’t think they tied up is what they gave China to get Jack back at the beginning of the season. Did I miss that?
At least it’s done for now. Let’s hope for a much more exciting next season. And as I’ve said before, Frank and I are willing to write for the show, as long as we can telecommute from Texas, don’t have to work Sundays or Wednesday nights, and I can still snark it.
Archive of entries posted on 22nd May 2007
Sex Slavery Ring Exploits Illegals
Read about this on Captains Quarters
The women involved all appear to have been illegal immigrants exploited by coyotes for their pimping business:
Maybe they were just doing the.. um.. ‘jobs’ y’know that Americans won’t do.
John and Mitt Square Off. Part I
In My World: Hating Brown People
“I think you Mexicans will find this new amnesty plan to be very generous,” President Bush told the group of Mexicans assembled at the table in front of him. “You just have to pay your fines and back taxes and then you’re all set.”
“Why should we pay your taxes, Gringo?” the head Mexican asked. “We’re Mexican; we don’t pay your taxes. You give us amnesty without back taxes!”
Bush thought about that. “Okay… I guess you don’t need to pay taxes. Just pay the fines and everything will be even-Steven.”
“The fines are too much. We don’t want to pay no fines!”
“Half-fines, then.”
“Why should we pay any fines? You guys tricked us over here! We were happy in Mexico.”
“Well… I guess fines might be harsh, then.”
“You pay us!”
“What?”
“You pay us to apologize for hassling us for crossing into land which is really ours! You do it or we leave!!”
“No no! Don’t leave!” Bush pulled out his wallet. “I have twenty bucks; how’s that?”
The head Mexican snatched the twenty dollar bill. “That will do… for now.”
“So when do they get to vote?” Nancy Pelosi chimed in. “Can they vote tomorrow?”
“There’s not an election tomorrow.”
“Why don’t we give them all the vote and hold an election tomorrow!” Pelosi exclaimed.
“I don’t know about voting,” the head Mexican said. “You aren’t going to make us pay taxes in the future so we can vote, are you?”
“Well… you kinda have to pay taxes to be citizens,” Bush said sheepishly.
“Maybe we don’t want to be citizens. Maybe we want to come here, do whatever we want, and not pay taxes.”
“And vote!” Pelosi shouted. “Don’t forget to vote!” She turned to Bush. “Why don’t we just let all Mexicans vote as part of the compromise?”
“And we want bridges,” the Mexican said. “We hate getting wet crossing over here. Build us bridges!”
“I don’t know if the Republican base will like allowing all Mexicans to come over here and do whatever they want and vote.”
“And the border guards annoying us,” the head Mexican said. “We want you to murder them.”
“I really think my Republican base isn’t going to like us sanctioning the murder of border patrol agents,” Bush said.
“Why not?” Pelosi asked. “It’s because they hate brown people, that’s why. You’re either for murdering border patrol or you hate brown people!”
“You better do it!” the head Mexican threatened. “Or we’ll stop picking your lettuce!”
Bush stood up in shock. “But lettuce in the basis of a garden salad! What would salad be without it!”
“That’s why you better think of what’s more important to you: Us Mexicans or your Republican base!” The Mexicans all got up to leave. “We’re taking some chairs with us. For our next meeting, make sure you know how to speak Spanish.”
The Mexicans grabbed chairs from the meeting table and left the room. “Don’t forget to register to vote!” Pelosi called out to them. “Actually, registering isn’t important; just show up to the polls.” She turned to Bush. “I think this compromise on immigration is turning out very well.”
Bush frowned. “Yeah, but you’re a soulless harpy. I’m more worried about what Republicans are going to think.”
“How has it been going explaining to the Republican base that the reason they have a problem with the immigration bill is because they hate brown people?” Bush asked Tony Snow.
“I’ve been hit in the head with a beer bottle three times so far.” He rubbed his temple. “You know, it hurts more when it doesn’t shatter.”
“Of course I know that!” Bush shouted. “Aren’t they happy that we’re giving them the fence they want to satiate their brown people hatred?”
“They like the fence, but they’re not thrilled about the air conditioned walkways you’re going to build over the fence. This bill really seems to be hurting the last bit of approval rating you have. Most of the Republican Presidential candidates are scoring points off of bashing the plan; Tom Tancredo has gone up three points in the polls vowing that, if Mexicans continue to invade, he’ll nuke Mecca. Also, Jimmy Carter called you the worst president in history.”
“What?!” Bush exclaimed. “Worst out of all the presidents? Himself included?”
Tony nodded. “He said your so bad, he’d almost think that you’re a Jew.”
Bush thought for a moment. “With all the uproar — especially from Republican voters — I’m starting to wonder if we Republican politicians miscalculated on this bill.” He shook his head. “No. The last thing I should do is listen to other people. You stick to the message, Snowman, and tell all the Republicans that the only reason they are angry is because they hate brown people. Tell them to stop worrying since it’s not like this problem will go on forever since eventually all the Mexicans will sneak in here and then illegal immigration will stop for good.” Bush thought for a moment. “Well, we might still have some Guatemalans sneak in, but they’ll have to trek through what will then be the vast wasteland of Mexico, and most of them should die in the journey.” He looked back at Tony. “So tell the angry Republicans that most of the Guatemalans will die. That should make them happy. Oh, but only tell them in Spanish; they all need to start learning that language/”
Tony looked pretty nervous. “Maybe I should focus more on talking up how things are going in Iraq.”
Bush jumped to his feet. “Hey! I have an idea! Maybe we can solve things in Iraq by having an open border there too!”
“Actually, part a big part of the problem is terrorists slipping in through the porous Syrian and Iranian borders.”
“Is that what the Iraqis say?” Bush sat back down. “I think what’s really the problem is that the Iraqis hate brown people.”
H. Rachel Perot
Yes, Frank, I was going to say something about Rachel Lucas being back, but I figured… what’s the point?
Rachel Lucas has been back at least seven times over the course of her blogging “career” and I’m sure that she’ll be back at least a dozen more times.
She’s the H. Ross Perot of the blogophere.. she’s in the race… she’s out of the race… she’s in the race… she’s out of the race.
All that’s missing in the squirrelly bald-headed billionaire with jug ears announcing it all on Larry King.
Yes, I’m hoping that she’s here to stay, but come on – part of the fun with Rachel is counting up the posts before it all comes tumbling down again.
Speaking of which… anybody seen Spacemonkey recently?
A Message… From the Past!
In case I’m still to busy to finish a post for today and no other IMAOer steps up, here a post I made last night and scheduled to post today. Yes, it’s true: Computers have advanced enough to allow a post to made in the past and then transported to the future (it’s called a “scheduled” post). Hello peoples of the future; it is I, past Frank!
I may have the first In My World™ in quite some time up later today (tomorrow for me, past Frank), but I, past Frank, have no idea whether your current Frank have the time to finish it. If not, don’t blame me, past Frank; blame lazy, incompetent future Frank (your current Frank). Anyway, there is plenty of reading over at Eject! Eject! Eject! where Whitler has posted parts one and two of his new essay “You Are Not Alone.” I probably won’t have time to read it tomorrow (today), so tell me if it’s as awesome as always. Not that I’ll probably have time to read your comments because I’m way behind on e-mail (but they will be read eventually! No comment is in vain!).
In super awesome news, Rachel Lucas is back! She first announced at Eject! Eject! Eject! that she now has her site back up at her old URL. If you don’t know who she is, that’s too bad. The current IMAO logo is actually a butchered version of the one she made me back for in October of 2002 when I finally got my own URL. She was gone a long long time, but now she’s back. Hooray!
Well, that’s all the free time I have for today (last night). Maybe, after this new immigration bill, it’s just time to admit we’re all beat and go ahead and hire some illegal Mexicans to finish this painting. What did I need twelve-foot ceilings for? It’s not like I ever planned on playing basketball in here.
Oh yeah; I needed the clearance for katana practice. I gashed the ceiling of the apartment I used to live in pretty bad. I’m sleepy…