Yo. Papa John’s. I don’t know where you get off calling this a large. A large pizza, by definition, has twelve slices. You wanna bring me a large pizza and give me eight slices? What the heck? Whoever came up with the size chart was tripping on Tulips.
Eight slices. Whatever. I do like that online ordering thingy, though. Used to do that all the time in Amarillo, and nobody gives me a long, awkward pause on the other end of the line when I order a pineapple, banana peppers (or jalapenos, depending on my mood), and mushroom pizza.
I will love Pauler forever for tripping on Tulips last night. Probably my favorite moment of the season.
Ryan says it’s the night we’ve all been waiting for. Amen, broothah. Amen. Oh yeah! Can’t wait for LOST. I hope Jack and Sayid get in a brawl, and Sayid buries Jack up to his head in the sand so he gets a nasty sunburn and can’t try to become self-appointed king of the island again until after Sayid has taken care of The Others, Iraqi-style.
Oh, on the amen front, I was trying to say that we’re all just ready for it to be over. But y’all probably picked that up from the title of the post, right? Right.
So will it be the beatboxer from Seattle or the sweetheart from Arizona? They couldn’t come up with something better for Jordin than “sweetheart”? Like “that chick with pipes who can totally sing the skin off a chicken”?
That main backup singer girl (the one in the middle) is wearing a corset for a shirt. No lie. She’s the one that always seems to be in charge. Teri Hatcher is in the audience, aren’t you happy? There’s Jeff Foxworthy, too!
Blake’s cheers in the audience are louder than Jordin’s. Dun dun dunnnnnnnn. Randy is wearing a black suit with some kind of Liberace lace on the cuffs and lapels and matching tie. Pauler is wearing a nice cleavage formaly dress with long hair and equally long earrings (don’t those things hurt? and when did giant earrings reprise?). Simon is wearing last night’s Super Big Finale Two Hour Special White Pressed Shirt and Black Jacket I’m British and Dashing Ensemble. You know the one. In the freeze-frame, Pauler doesn’t look like she tripped on Tulips today, and I hope I’m wrong. Last night, she was my GIRL!
Randy thinks it’s gonna be a hot finale. Hot, baby! And he asks Ryan to pick the winner, and Ryan says no, because then the loser won’t come on E! and his radio show. He didn’t say that stuff, but y’all know that’s what he’s thinking. Pauler feels excellent, and Ryan says… drumroll… “Simon, you already look bored.” “Well, sweetheart, it’s because I’m listening to your pretty mouth. Mwah. See you later.” “No, you’re gay!”
Ry-ry says it’s been exhausting. Blake got fitted by some designer I’ve never heard of, and Jordin got fitted by that Badgley guy anyone who’s ever read People’s Oscar recap issue has heard of for sure. And now Jordin and Blake are singing “I Saw Her Standing There” and holding hands and everything. Blake’s acting like he’s into it and everything. They even do a little peck on the cheek thing at the end. Dude, she’s 17, and you’re way older! But I guess that’s legal, right?
Oh come on. I’m just kidding.
And now, they’re tuning into Gwen Stefani, who is on tour, and she is going to sing a song for us remotely. It’s called “Four in the Morning.” Oh my. She is wearing…
Archive of entries posted on 23rd May 2007
He Loves His Pirate Booty
John Edwards has claim to part of a $500 million sunken pirate treasure. Thus comes the obvious question: What’s John Edwards’ pirate name?
Silky Beard the Pirate?
Captain Fabulous?
Long John Edwards?
It’s too bad I don’t think he has much of a chance in the primary. With the Pink Sapphire beauty treatments and his managing hedge funds to learn about poverty, the guy is pure comedy gold.
Only 2% Murdered the Poll-Takers!
Ace has a great round-up of headlines trying to spin into a positive a poll that showed 26% of young Muslims in America think suicide bombing is justifiable. Only one paper he found put the actual news in the headline, and I bet you won’t guess which.
(hat tip to Hot Air which has a great screencap of FOX News on the subject)
[Sleep Well Tonight America, Nearly Three Quarters of Muslims Polled Don’t Want to Kill You, Family, Etc – spacemonkey]
Who Should Be More Surprised
Right now, the bases of both parties feel a bit betrayed: the Republicans by the amnesty bill and the Democrats by the removal of deadlines from the troop funding bill. My question is: Who should feel more surprised?
To me, that the Democrats would eventually cave on the troop funding bill was inevitable because Bush has never backed down on Iraq and the Democrats are extremely sensitive to being labeled anti-military (because they are). A number of Democrats — apparently not comprehending the rules behind negotiations — early on said they would back down in the end. Should we have expected more from the Republican Senators about focusing on enforcement over amnesty, though?
I guess I never knew how many Republican Senators don’t take border issues very seriously. They had a panel the other day on FOX News where every one of them were trying to explain that the reason people are against the amnesty bill is because they hate brown people. Fred Barnes compared the opposition to it to the opposition early last century to Italians, because that’s exactly the same with all the illegal Italians flooding over the U.S./Italy border. To these people, this is all about that we have a bunch of unskilled jobs, and the only way to fill them is the Mexicans. In fact, filling these jobs is so important that the Senators voted for cloture on the bill before even being able to read it.
Anyway, both party bases are upset right now. Maybe we should group hug.
Daily Fred Thompson Fact
American Idol Season Yawn – “Top” Two, or actually a better title for this would just be American Idol Season Yawn: Finale Eve
So. Finale Eve. I can’t say I’m bummed about the result of DWTS, because if I were giving a cumulative winner mirror ball trophy, I’d give it to Apolo and Julianne by a sequin. But based on last night and tonight, especially based on the freestyle, come on. Definitely Joey & Kym. By a Padawan braid. Anyway, well done all of them, but what was up with Emmitt (yay and sigh) saying that the mirror ball trophy can be improved upon? I mean, I guess they could put the words in bright red sequins, but I think it’s shiny. Oh! Speaking of that! My cousin Kerri had her baby Sunday night, I think, and she named her Kaylee! How shiny is that?! Though I guess that means we’re stuck with Inara or Zoe. River’s out. I mean, come on. Geographical features? Oh crap. Frank just said that River would be a nice name. “Hi, I’m River Styx Fleming. Would you like to buy my artwork? I made it out of pine needles and moss.” Seriously, he is not allowed to name our babies. No no. The only geographical feature I will consider is K2.
Oh yeah. American Idol, is it? Let’s to it, then. Ryan says it’s 100,000 down, two to go. 100,000 exactly, Ryan? Are your records that good? I want an audit. One guy, one girl.
This.