WHO Urges Terrorist Ban At Work

GENEVA (Reuters) – Following the World Health Organization’s recent call for a world-wide ban on public smoking, the WHO now also wants a global ban on terrorists at work and in enclosed public places.
The United Nations agency said a ban would help limit non-terrorists’ exposure to high explosives, which – though not nearly as dangerous as the heart disease and respiratory illnesses caused by second-hand smoke – can still cause injury through concussive organ damage and blood loss from high-velocity shrapnel penetration.
“The evidence is clear, there is no safe level of exposure to ball-bearings propelled by C4,” said WHO Director-General Margaret Chan in a statement ahead of World No Terrorists Day which will be observed on Thursday, May 31st for the first time.
“Many countries have already taken action. Iran, for example, makes people go all to way to Iraq before allowing them to blow themselves up. I urge all countries that have not yet done so to take this immediate and important step to protect the health of their citizens,” she said.

“This ban violates my Detonative Human Rights!”

 A number of EU countries, including France, Spain, Ireland and Portugal are among those to have introduced such bans. Islamic residents in these countries, however, consider these bans to be unfair, if not downright racist. “It’s my body” said one protester, “I should be able to scatter its parts anywhere I want. So what if a few Jews or Infidels get in the way? At least I’m not blowing cigarette smoke at them.”
The Geneva-based agency said its recommendation was based on three studies on terrorists, two in the United States and one by the International Agency for Research on Persons of Explosion.
“By July 1, 240 million people worldwide will be protected by terrorist-free legislation,” said Wayne Kao of the International Union Against Frustrated Muslim Men Compensating for Puny and Inadequately Functioning Genitalia, which supports a terrorist-free world.
“Unfortunately, that number is less than 4 percent of the world population,” Kao told a news conference, “Well… actually more like zero percent, since murder is already illegal and passing another law ain’t gonna do jack.”
The WHO said some 200,000 civilians die each year due to exposure to terrorist explosive devices at work, while around 700 million children – around half the world’s total – breathe air polluted by flying ball-bearings, poison-coated fishhooks, and other bomb vest enhancing materials, particularly while minding their own business in shops or restaurants.
The agency says that Islam is the leading cause of preventable deaths worldwide. The number of murderous Mohammedeans is rising rapidly in developing countries.
Armando Peruga, head of WHO’s Terrorist-Free Initiative, told reporters, “remove the pollutant — terrorists — by implementing 100 percent splodey-dope-free environments. Stern looks and designated exploding areas do not reduce exposure to a safe level of risk. It’s time to use to awesome power of legislation! NOTHING can stand against its fearsome might!”
Member countries of an international treaty against terrorism, the 2003 WHO-backed Framework Convention on Crazy Muslim Control, are due to discuss guidelines on exposure to second-hand shrapnel at a meeting in Bangkok starting on June 30.

IMAO Exclusive: The White House’s and WSJ’s Immigration Bill FAQ

Due to my numerous contacts, I’ve received the FAQ the White House is going to soon put out to answer people’s concerns about the immigration bill. It was written with help from the editorial staff at the Wall Street Journal. Here it is:
IMMIGRATION BILL FAQ
Q. I’m concerned that the immigration bill focuses more on giving illegal immigrants amnesty than border protection. Does the President share these concerns?
A. The President doesn’t hate brown people.
Q. This isn’t a racial issue. Many people think this bill will only encourage more illegal immigration and leave our borders open and dangerous. What are the answer to these charges?
A. To answer your underlying question, I’m afraid the the President is against your proposal to commit genocide against Hispanics.
Q. This isn’t about Hispanics! This is about our laws being respected and our national security!
A. Unfortunately, America has had a long history of closed-minded bigots like you who hate all immigrants and want to keep the nation white and pure. To answer what we can only assume will be your next question, no, jackboots aren’t tax deductible, but have fun in your neo-Nazi march anyway.
Q. I’m not against immigrants! Why can’t you people understand there is a difference between legal and illegal immigration?! I’m only objecting to the illegal ones!
A. Calm down. It’s this frothing at the mouth anger that causes your irrational views on immigration. To answer your other concerns, Hispanics actually have excellent hygiene, are not lazy, and aren’t all criminals. Also, there has been no genetic evidence that Hispanics are inferior to the white man. I’d be careful about believing just any pamphlet handed out at your KKK meetings.
Q. With President Bush already having shaky support, do you think it’s wise to label people with legitimate concerns about illegal immigration “racists”?
A. Did anyone ever tell you have many blatantly homosexual tendencies?
Q. That’s it. I’m leaving the Republican Party.
A. And go where? The Green Party? Yeah, you have fun with that you brown-people hating, Nazi homo. Thanks for the questions!

A Frank Amnesty Plan

Much of what makes Americans so mad about the amnesty proposals is the idea that people can come here, crap all over our laws, and get no punishment for it. Can we be taken seriously as a country with such an attitude? How long would it be until Canada starts stealing our silverware on its visits here? If people disobey us, the greatest nation on earth, there must always be consequences.
Always.
On the other hand, most illegal immigrants just came here for a better life. They had the horrible misfortune of being born in the dirt-poor and corrupt Mexico and wanted to come to America — like any rational person. If someone truly wants to become an American, I would like to give him or her the opportunity. When immigration works best is when people have to work hard to be Americans and thus appreciate American values even more than those of us who were given our place here simply through birth. So, I’m quite happy with the illegal immigrants who came here from Mexico eventually becoming citizens… but as punishment for their law-breaking, they’ll have to do a bit more than those who took the legal path.
Now, some have put the punishment as fines and paying back-taxes, but that serves no point. The Mexicans came here because they’re poor, so any fine is going to be a high hurdle. Also, what good do those fines do us? The money is just going to go to more wasteful spending on turnip subsides and health care for old people (they’re of no more use to us; why keep them alive?). If the Mexicans here illegally want to become citizens, let’s have them do something useful for all Americans while simultaneous proving their zeal for American ideals. Let’s have them…

Continue reading ‘A Frank Amnesty Plan’ »

Daily Fred Thompson Fact

With Fred Thompson departing from Law & Order, it’s now being renamed The Cops and Lawyers Fun Hour.