Much of what makes Americans so mad about the amnesty proposals is the idea that people can come here, crap all over our laws, and get no punishment for it. Can we be taken seriously as a country with such an attitude? How long would it be until Canada starts stealing our silverware on its visits here? If people disobey us, the greatest nation on earth, there must always be consequences.
Always.
On the other hand, most illegal immigrants just came here for a better life. They had the horrible misfortune of being born in the dirt-poor and corrupt Mexico and wanted to come to America — like any rational person. If someone truly wants to become an American, I would like to give him or her the opportunity. When immigration works best is when people have to work hard to be Americans and thus appreciate American values even more than those of us who were given our place here simply through birth. So, I’m quite happy with the illegal immigrants who came here from Mexico eventually becoming citizens… but as punishment for their law-breaking, they’ll have to do a bit more than those who took the legal path.
Now, some have put the punishment as fines and paying back-taxes, but that serves no point. The Mexicans came here because they’re poor, so any fine is going to be a high hurdle. Also, what good do those fines do us? The money is just going to go to more wasteful spending on turnip subsides and health care for old people (they’re of no more use to us; why keep them alive?). If the Mexicans here illegally want to become citizens, let’s have them do something useful for all Americans while simultaneous proving their zeal for American ideals. Let’s have them…
DESTROY MEXICO!
We already have tons of Mexicans in America, so there’s really no reason to keep Mexico around. In fact, one could easily argue that Mexico is detrimental to the U.S.A…. or at least that it brings down the property values for the North American continent. So let’s task the illegal Mexicans with destroying Mexico. I, like many Americans, will even donate guns to the effort as it would solve a number of problems:
1. Allows Mexicans to sever ties with their former country and show loyalty to the U.S.
2. Act as the payment for breaking U.S. laws in becoming illegal immigrants
3. End all future illegal immigration from Mexico
If the Mexicans we have here will go and slaughter their former country men, raze the villages of their former countries, I would punch anyone in the face who would doubt their loyalty to America. Once Mexico is thoroughly destroyed and turned to nothing but rubble and corpses, all the survivors of the assault should be welcomed back with open arms. We will say to them, “Yes, Pedro, you have done what we Americans would not do ourselves: Destroy the annoyance that was Mexico. Through your blood and sweat, you have proven your right to the title of American. Now finish cutting my lawn.”
Now that’s compassionate conservatism!
Once Mexico is thoroughly destroyed and turned to nothing but rubble and corpses
Wow, whodathunk that Al Gore and FrnakJ were on the same team.
(are => our)
Frank, your compassion is like the limitless wisdom of Fred Thompson. It flows without end, shaming us with its capacity for pure goodness.
After the recent spate of posts (mostly by your hard-working and talented minions Harvey and SarahK) which were seemingly intended to be humorous, this serious work is a breath of fresh air. I have been looking forward to such intellectually rigorous material, and you have not disappointed. Keep up the good work, because America needs your words of kindness and reconciliation.
Perhaps the Mexicannon™ could be altered to fire only those not loyal to America, such as Mexican slave traders, drug couriers, and other liberals?
Good plan. I’m on board.
150 years ago, crossing the ocean to come to America was a dangerous affair. People died on the journey, which took weeks. Often they didn’t even know where they were going to land. They demonstrated, through their perserverance and dedication to getting here, that they deserved to be here. And almost universally, they assimilated, because they were the kind of people who deserved to be Americans.
Consequently? I say build a wall (not a fence), 50 feet high, patrolled by policemen in black riot gear, helicopters, and mined like Cambodia in 1970. Imagine the wall in “Escape From New York,” only thousands of miles long.
Now…anyone who actually manages to GET OVER that wall? They’re welcome to stay, because they showed the kind of courage it takes to be a true American. As soon as they make it past the wall, whammo, swear ’em in as citizens. They deserve it.
Those who don’t have what it takes to be Americans will never get over the wall, and a lot of them will be blown to smithereens by the mines or destroyed by rocket fire from helicoptors or gunned down by Donald Pleasance while he screams “You’re the Duke! You’re A #1!”
Once again, Frank, you have nailed the issue. Unfortunately, our government is not so succinct. A few modifications to their plans would be effective though.
1.Remove automatic citizenship, unless both parents are provably citizens.
2. Citizenship applications must be successfully completed within three years (of passing the amnesty.
3. To be eligible for Social Security requires no modifications, i.e. Citizenship for the card, and minimum ten years of payments into that account.
3. Anyone failing to register during the period (#2) can never apply.
4. Build the entire fence.
4. Enforce the border.
5. Blow off the rest.
Frank, I’ve got some guns for the cause … but how do we modify them to only work when shooting Mexicans?
Since we’d arming known criminals, I’d be a little worried that Pedro would choose to shoot unarmed Americans instead of armed Mexicans …
I think you’re a bit late on destroying Mexico. It’s already been destroyed; that’s why so many Mexicans want to come here.
“Sure, opponents of the President and Ted Kennedy’s bill can pick it apart and always find one little thing to criticize and”–well after having the POTUS kick his loyal conservative base in the balls a couple of days ago, we’ve been spoilin’ for a fight and I think you may be onto something, Frank–or you’re on something–either way Mexico get’s kicked in the balls this time and that’s what’s important! Excellent thinking, finally! I have to go wash my car at a car wash full of Mexicans and I’m sure they are all legal–here in Minneapolis–Minnesota–r-i-g-h-t!!!
Frank, you forgot all that sweet, sweet oil just rotting in the ground down there. Once we send the Mexicans down there to conquer Mexico, it’s all ours, baby!!!
Lemme get this straight: you want to ARM 12 million illegal immigrants?