GENEVA (Reuters) – Following the World Health Organization’s recent call for a world-wide ban on public smoking, the WHO now also wants a global ban on terrorists at work and in enclosed public places.
The United Nations agency said a ban would help limit non-terrorists’ exposure to high explosives, which – though not nearly as dangerous as the heart disease and respiratory illnesses caused by second-hand smoke – can still cause injury through concussive organ damage and blood loss from high-velocity shrapnel penetration.
“The evidence is clear, there is no safe level of exposure to ball-bearings propelled by C4,” said WHO Director-General Margaret Chan in a statement ahead of World No Terrorists Day which will be observed on Thursday, May 31st for the first time.
“Many countries have already taken action. Iran, for example, makes people go all to way to Iraq before allowing them to blow themselves up. I urge all countries that have not yet done so to take this immediate and important step to protect the health of their citizens,” she said.
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A number of EU countries, including France, Spain, Ireland and Portugal are among those to have introduced such bans. Islamic residents in these countries, however, consider these bans to be unfair, if not downright racist. “It’s my body” said one protester, “I should be able to scatter its parts anywhere I want. So what if a few Jews or Infidels get in the way? At least I’m not blowing cigarette smoke at them.”
The Geneva-based agency said its recommendation was based on three studies on terrorists, two in the United States and one by the International Agency for Research on Persons of Explosion.
“By July 1, 240 million people worldwide will be protected by terrorist-free legislation,” said Wayne Kao of the International Union Against Frustrated Muslim Men Compensating for Puny and Inadequately Functioning Genitalia, which supports a terrorist-free world.
“Unfortunately, that number is less than 4 percent of the world population,” Kao told a news conference, “Well… actually more like zero percent, since murder is already illegal and passing another law ain’t gonna do jack.”
The WHO said some 200,000 civilians die each year due to exposure to terrorist explosive devices at work, while around 700 million children – around half the world’s total – breathe air polluted by flying ball-bearings, poison-coated fishhooks, and other bomb vest enhancing materials, particularly while minding their own business in shops or restaurants.
The agency says that Islam is the leading cause of preventable deaths worldwide. The number of murderous Mohammedeans is rising rapidly in developing countries.
Armando Peruga, head of WHO’s Terrorist-Free Initiative, told reporters, “remove the pollutant — terrorists — by implementing 100 percent splodey-dope-free environments. Stern looks and designated exploding areas do not reduce exposure to a safe level of risk. It’s time to use to awesome power of legislation! NOTHING can stand against its fearsome might!”
Member countries of an international treaty against terrorism, the 2003 WHO-backed Framework Convention on Crazy Muslim Control, are due to discuss guidelines on exposure to second-hand shrapnel at a meeting in Bangkok starting on June 30.
I swear I thought you were talking about the band. That would be much more interesting.
Lets hope Terrorist bans may work almost as well as gun bans in schools.
There is a lot of truthiness to what you say.
That’s good stuff amigo.
While I agree with the premise that “persons of explosion” are actually hazardous to their non-exploding co-workers, is this problem really on par with the lethal death trap that is a smoke-filled workplace?
Now a cigarette smoking exploder, I could support banning that.
What is the legal age of self-detonation anyway? I think we need to decide that first.
This is an outrage. Now they’re banning terrorism in the workplace, and then what? Forcing us to pay children, give them shoes, and the like? I didn’t bring them up here out of the Mexico City dump just to waste my profits on a bunch of shoes!
These seem like sensible measures to me. Sure some people will be inconvenienced by the ban, but it’s for the common good.
Does this ban apply to the new smoke-free indoor self detonation devices currently developed by Diebold that have been the subject of so much speculation in “Durka Durka Boom” magazine?
I am glad Harvey delivered this news item, because the MSM seem to be ignoring it. Not a word, not even a quick scroll-by at the bottom of the screen, like when some starlet gets arrested. Right-wing talk radio? Crickets. It’s like a conspiracy!
I really think there ought to be tougher penalties for terrorism, especially suicide bombing. They’ll think twice about blowing themselves up when they hear about our mandatory community service terms.
Or is that torture now?
I’m glad to see that in addition to the primary health consideration for shrapnel, the second hand shrapnel issue is also being addressed. I don’t think Iran properly assessed the implications of this health hazard.
A fatwa on them for not being totally honest.
In other words, it’s the muslim population explosion.
I cried laughing at this….
A taliban ban?
Set to the tune of the CandyMan Can..
Why not ban the U.N. in the U.S. too?
where did you get the “200 million” and “700 million” figures? Barack Obama?
…and these self-blower-uppers raise the universal health care costs to everybody.
“The evidence is clear, there is no safe level of exposure to ball-bearings propelled by C4,”
My whole department laughed so hard at this that our neighboring department asked us to keep it down. Well done!