Reader Sir Andrew of GOPedia has made a website to collect all the Fred Thompson facts. He’s also set it up to collect user submitted Fred Thompson facts (since I’m too busy for such things).
Archive of entries posted on 14th June 2007
Frank Advice for Dealing with Bloggers
It’s been that the GOP now has tips for Republican politicians when dealing with bloggers. I never understand why they write this stuff without talking with me first. Anyway, here are some really good tips for dealing with bloggers I know from experience:
FRANK TIPS FOR REPUBLICAN POLITICIANS DEALING WITH BLOGGERS
* Don’t make sudden movements; this could startle bloggers and cause them post about how you’re over-hyped.
* An easy way to gain the trust of bloggers is to cat-blog, i.e., post pictures of cats. If you don’t own a cat because you’re a heterosexual male, just pretend you own one and grab some pictures from CatsThatLookLikeHitler.com.
* If having a meet and greet with bloggers, make sure to have it at night; bloggers are scared of sunlight.
* If while at a campaign event you smell something odd, vaguely familiar, but extremely disturbing but you can’t quite put finger on exactly what it is, that means a blogger from the DailyKos is there. Be careful; they bite!
* Be friendly with the top bloggers, but don’t let Glenn Reynolds near your puppy if he looks thirsty.
* Any time news breaks, first thing to do is to turn to the blogs so you know what the reactionaries are thinking.
* You can use YouTube to help get your message out, but considering what get the most views there it will help if you exercise some mad dance skills while giving your speech… or at least hit someone in the groin in a hilarious manner.
* Though it may seem like an economically sound plan, never mention the idea of replacing right wing bloggers with underpaid Mexicans.
* Though bloggers may seem different from you and your politician friends, you should at least be able to relate because of your shared inflated sense of self-importance.
(hat tip Conservative Grapevine)
I Have This Idea…
Using Their Crazy Against Them
When we are fighting an enemy who only wants to kill us because of their crazy beliefs, shouldn’t we use those crazy beliefs against them?
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Yeah, I can see you already rolling your eyes and saying, “This isn’t going to be about grinding up Muslim terrorists and feeding them to pigs again, is it?”
Well, yes, that is what this is about, and I’m going to keep repeating it until people listen!
Yes, I know, I get called a “heartless conservative” every time I bring this up since I don’t respect other cultures and I laugh when poor people get hurt (it’s funny because they don’t have health insurance), but it’s completely ludicrous we should have respect for the beliefs of those trying to kill us. If the same beliefs they use to justify trying to kill us also have something about pigs and damnation, shouldn’t we go for it? That’s why we should make it public knowledge that any terrorists we kill will get fed to pigs.
Some are going to worry that will offend the good Muslims, but shouldn’t the good Muslims have disowned the terrorists and be demanding we feed them to pigs for dragging the good name of their faith through the mud?
Others are going to worry about the health risks of grinding up people and feeding them to pigs. The simple solution to that is to have Mexicans do it. That’s what they’re here for: to do the jobs we don’t want to do.
That last concern I can think of is that how can we be sure everyone killed on the battlefield deserves the eternal damnation or whatever they’ll get from being fed to pigs. I have a little secret about that: God doesn’t actually care if your dead body gets ate by pigs or whatever; that’s just a silly belief they made up.
If we’re serious about a war on terror, than let’s use what’s available — including their own idiotic beliefs. One of these days someone needs to read the Qu’ran and see if there’s anything else useful in there.
IMAO Condensed: Conspiracy Theories
Fred Thompson “On Board” With Edwards’ “Marshall Corps”
RICHMOND (AP) – In response to John Edwards’ plan to “create a ‘Marshall Corps’ modelled on the military Reserves, of up to 10,000 expert professionals who will help stabilize weak societies,” presidential candidate-in-waiting Fred Thompson released a statement saying that he’s “on board” with Edwards’ vision.
Excited by the possibilities of the program, former Senator Thompson said that he’d like see the concept taken to the next level as soon as possible. The full statement was posted at the politician-turned-actor-turning-politician’s blog, as follows:
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“I am completely on board with John Edwards’ ‘Marshall Corps’ idea of sending bankers, political scientists, and civil engineers into unstable countries to prevent terrorism from taking root. However, I don’t think it goes far enough. It should be open to members of ALL civilian occupations, not just a few.”
“Here’s how I picture it – after joining, the courageous volunteers would shave their heads, spend a few months receiving combat & weapons training, then be deployed to unstable countries to reach out to those who are at risk of seduction by violent extremism. For maximum effectiveness, this reaching out should be done mostly with bullets, grenades, rockets, and other high-velocity/high-explosive projectiles.”
“I would call this expanded version of Edwards’ ‘Marshall Corps’ the ‘Massively Armed Response to Islamic Nutjob Extremists’ or ‘MARINE’ Corps.”
“If this program proved successful – which I have no doubt that it would – it could be augmented with:
* An off-shore outreach program: Nautical Assaults from Vengeful Yankees
* A complementary land-based group: Annihilating Radical Muslims – Yippee!
* And even a ‘friendly skies’ organization: Attacking Islamic Radicals by Firing Ordnance and Repeatedly Causing Extermination”
“I can guarantee that if these programs are implemented as I’ve discussed, the Western ideals of peace, democracy, and civilization will be joyously embraced throughout the world.”
“And if they aren’t… well, then let’s just say there’s plenty more outreach where that came from.”