It’s been that the GOP now has tips for Republican politicians when dealing with bloggers. I never understand why they write this stuff without talking with me first. Anyway, here are some really good tips for dealing with bloggers I know from experience:
FRANK TIPS FOR REPUBLICAN POLITICIANS DEALING WITH BLOGGERS
* Don’t make sudden movements; this could startle bloggers and cause them post about how you’re over-hyped.
* An easy way to gain the trust of bloggers is to cat-blog, i.e., post pictures of cats. If you don’t own a cat because you’re a heterosexual male, just pretend you own one and grab some pictures from CatsThatLookLikeHitler.com.
* If having a meet and greet with bloggers, make sure to have it at night; bloggers are scared of sunlight.
* If while at a campaign event you smell something odd, vaguely familiar, but extremely disturbing but you can’t quite put finger on exactly what it is, that means a blogger from the DailyKos is there. Be careful; they bite!
* Be friendly with the top bloggers, but don’t let Glenn Reynolds near your puppy if he looks thirsty.
* Any time news breaks, first thing to do is to turn to the blogs so you know what the reactionaries are thinking.
* You can use YouTube to help get your message out, but considering what get the most views there it will help if you exercise some mad dance skills while giving your speech… or at least hit someone in the groin in a hilarious manner.
* Though it may seem like an economically sound plan, never mention the idea of replacing right wing bloggers with underpaid Mexicans.
* Though bloggers may seem different from you and your politician friends, you should at least be able to relate because of your shared inflated sense of self-importance.
(hat tip Conservative Grapevine)
Don’t forget to have them add a signature line to all their communcation exchanges, Ex:
Jayne Cobb: “Shepard Book once told me, ‘If you can’t do something smart, do something RIGHT!'”
The Grinch: “If you so much as utter one syllable, I’LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you want to fax me, press the star key.”
I’ve always thought the word blog in and of itself was rather gay. Couple that fact with the other, that most bloggers are just people that NEED to be whiney and bitchy, and you get… well.. blogs.
Now an electronic manifesto dedicated to the slaughter of Aquaman and fealty to Fred Thompson… THAT’S got a nice heterosexual ring to it.
Actually, I would have described the odor emanating from both Bloggers of The Daily Kos and DemoCRAPic Underground as pretty rank…