A Barbara Ehrenreich at HuffPo argues that, instead of fining illegal immigrants, we should pay them. She then sums up illegal immigration thusly:
If someone breaks into my property for the purpose of trashing and looting, I would be hell-bent on restitution. But if they break in for the purpose of cleaning it — scrubbing the bathroom, mowing the lawn — then, in my way of thinking anyway, the debt goes in the other direction.
So illegal immigration is like someone breaking into your house to clean it. Yes, you come home, you are shocked to find the door open, but once you get inside all you can find is the living room vacuumed and — as far as you can tell — nothing is stolen. And the kids seem fine. How could anyone have any other feeling in that situation than gratitude?
Lets try and come up with some even more disturbing metaphors for illegal immigration.
ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION IS LIKE…
…someone stole your baby right out of her stroller, and after twenty minutes of frantically searching for her, you find her back in her stroller with her diaper changed.
…someone messed with your food while you weren’t looking and afterwards its strangely delicious.
…you’re savagely beaten in an alley, and it fixes your bum knee.
…someone robs you at gunpoint in front of your crying wife and kids. The next day, you get a letter saying an account as been opened in your name with your money invested in a hot mutual fund.
…someone breaks into your home and puts a hidden camera in your shower. He then uses it to leave you an anonymous letter saying you have a mole that you should get checked.
…someone raped your wife, and then she gives birth to a genius.
…you’re suddenly pulled into a van and a hood is thrown over your head. No one says a word to you no matter how much you scream, “Who are you? Why are you doing this to me?” Eventually, you feel yourself being pulled from the van, ushered through a tight hallway, and then thrown to the floor. When you finally get your hood off, you find you’re in a small, dimly-lit cell with no windows. Once a day, you’re given bread and water through a slot on the metal door… or at least you think once a day. You’ve lost all track of time. Weeks go by of you wallowing in complete isolation until finally the door opens. There stands a masked man pointing a gun at you. At last! Sweet death! you think to yourself. When the gun fires, you feel a sting in your shoulder and turn to see your were shot with a tranquilizer dart. Everything goes black. After a dreamless sleep, your eyes open to see you’re lying on the doorstep of your own home. Though every muscle in your body aches, you struggle to your feet and enter your home for what seems like the first time in years. You stumble inside, and it’s as you remember. You can hardly believe it; the nightmare is finally over. Before you collapse to the floor crying, you notice some papers on the kitchen table. At first, the papers look like an odd mix of numbers and letters that your addled mind can’t make sense of. Slowly, you begin to comprehend the truth: the people who kidnapped you — who robbed you of your sanity and your humanity — did your taxes.
Who wouldn’t be grateful in these situations?
Yeah, thinking is hard…
Well, I’m off to give that Mexican gang what stole the rims off my car some money for all the hard work it took. After all, they saved me lots of Gas-money. I’m so grateful and open-minded!
why everything three times? Krunk confused…
eh? now just one, was three…
Krunk give up, no post anymore…
Not only would I be grateful in all those situations, I’m also grateful that I have Barbara Ehrenreich and her ilk to do my thinking for me.
I have no idea who this Ehrenreich dingbat is, but I’ll wager she doesn’t live anywhere near a place overrun by illegals. Illegals may be cleaning her house (and probably without pay), but from what I’ve seen, ain’t no cleaning going on at ‘home’
Barbara Ehrenreich is the idiot who wrote Nickel and Dimed, a book with such huge holes in it’s logic that I could drive a semi through them. I had to read it for a class my freshmen year and I wanted to throw it across the room.
Well, when they clean my house we’ll talk.
Although….. if the amnesty bill has an amendment whereby each and every one of the 12-50 million illegals have to clean our houses every week, free of charge of course and without stealing our stuff, that might be doable.
ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION IS LIKE:
Drinking a half bottle of tequila because Rosie O’Donnell is upstairs waiting for you to show her what a cunning linguist you are, but when you get up there, she’s smoking a cigarette and taking Spanish lessons from some Chicana carpet cleaner. Bullet dodged!
Sorry Frank, Barbara is right on this one. It’s exactly like If someone breaks into my property for the purpose of cleaning it — scrubbing the bathroom, mowing the lawn… then tells you it’s their house, that they were there first gringo, steals your identity, cooks up some crank in your kitchen, takes a dump on your lawn, demands that you pay for their health care, demands Social Security for wages they can’t prove they earned, blows their nose in your Chalupa, moves 28 members of their immediate family in the shed out back, kills your daughter while driving drunk in a car with stolen license plates, and refuses to learn English. See?…it’s uncanny exactly how right Barbara Ehrenreich get’s it…for a feakin’ libtard whose only experience with illegals is as her source of slave labor…whom she feels guilty about not paying…sort of…
So, she says that as long as they pay her, they can do whatthey like.
Are you sure she isn’t a Cheap Hooker?
Your plane crashes on a mysterious island that you can never escape from… Buy Hey! You’re no longer crippled!
FrankJ – That’s exactly how my taxes get done every year.
That last one was awfully specific! ‘Fess up, “Frank”! Who REALLY writes this blog?
Yeah, Just like when you get sucked into a UFO and they perform all kinds of tests and anal probes but then when they send you back, they erase all of it from your memory and make you think you were able to catch a nice nap during the middle of the day. Just like that.
Maybe it would be like someone hacking into your blog and fixing the title of this article…
[Frank J.: Titles don’t go through as rigorous and editing processes as the near perfect blog posts do.]
Or it’s like you need a new roof. You contract with a guy that “guarantees” a great job. You’ll save $100. He shows up with 10 illegals. They break siding getting the shingles off. They use longer nails (quicker) that go thru the exposed roof deck. They do a half assed job of clean up. The guy wants’ $200 more because of the “problems” and says he’ll sue and attach a mechanics lien against your home. Roofer guy pays his illegals. 5 of them send some of your money to Mexico. Then they get drunk and run over a pedestrian at 4 in the morning. The other 5 take their money home and give it to their kids momma. They have about 6 kids each. The 5 dads then go get drunk. Momma goes to the ER cuz babies 3,4 and 5 have the sniffles. They all get rent assistance, food stamps, free healthcare and “counseling”. Your taxes go up $400 to pay your “share”. But it saved the roofer guy $1000.
Don’t you feel better now?
Frank, evidently your comments on comments don’t go through such a rigorous editing process, either.
[Frank J.: It’s not in the budget to proofread comments on comments.]
I think this works better if used from another viewpoint:
If a liberal is kidnapped, they’d be angry, But! If said liberal was deported to a communist “utopia”, it would make everything OK.
Sounds like Barbara is just letting out a circuitous cry for help.
Wow, isn’t this a liberal fantasy. That someone would break into a house, clean it, with no expectation of a reward?
Except there is an expectation. They expect payment, social security, health care, etc. for doing something you wouldn’t have paid them to do in the first place.
Wouldn’t it be more like those kids in Tiajuana who, unsolicited, spray your car windows when you are at a stop sign and demand you pay them for the service? Two miles into the window washing guantlet you’re $20 poorer, and your car starts smelling a little funny after the window washer with the yellow cleaning fluid. But your car windows have never been cleaner, have they? Those chamacos not only earned their wage, they deserve a full benefits package!
Somebody broke into my house and redecorated it! It sure is tough livin’ on the gay side of town.
I would like to see the statistics on how often burglers break in to a residence only to clean someone’s house. I’m sure it happens all the time, but I want to see the numbers.