Recently, the Alabama’s Governor Bob Riley signed a resolution apologizing for slavery.
Of course, my first reaction was “That’s retarded! The slave-owners responsible are just as dead as the slaves who were victimized. No one alive has the moral authority to apologize, and no one alive has the moral authority to accept.”
On the other hand, perhaps I should be more open-minded and accepting of the concept of collective racial guilt. With that in mind, here’s a list of things that I think black people should apologize for:
- MC Hammer’s pants
- Words ending in “izzle”.
- Except “drizzle”. That one’s actually useful.
- OJ, but just the post-football career stuff.
- Tawana Brawley
- Urkel
- That thing Eddie Murphy said about my mom.
- I know he was just kidding, but that was HARSH!
- Using the name of a delicious chocolate sandwich cookie as a derogatory epithet.
- Every Spike Lee movie.
- “Who Let the Dogs Out”.
- Circling your fist in the air while going “WOO! WOO! WOO!”
- Seriously, guys, how hard is it to just clap your hands? I thought you people had rhythm.
I’d like to get an apology for Michael Jackson, too, but he did most of his bad stuff after he became white, so I guess I need to apologize on that one.
Sorry.
the anal retinive here would like to know if you are referring to oreos or ho-hos when you mentioned “a delicious snack cookie?”
now the anal rentinive one here tells me I have misspelled anal rententive. picky. picky. picky.
Since the slave states were all run by DemocRats, I think Howard “The screamer” Dean should personally apologize to the black community. And, I think the black community should thank the Republican party since it was that party which freed them.
I like Spike, and this (anglo) nerd thinks that Urkel rocks, so you’re on your own on those two.
I thought Spike Lee WAS Urkel
Malt liquor?
You forgot rap. How could you not ask blacks to apologize for rap? Yeah, I know there are white rappers and whites who like rap, but face it, it’s a black thing.
You also forgot Oprah. We have a huge apology coming for Oprah.
I get two waivers for sparing Urkel and Spike; so I’ll spend them on:
1. Harry Belafonte (I got a banana for you to tally)
2. Durham, NC. ‘Nuff said. :^)
Hahahahaha. This had me laughing aloud.
And ‘swizzle’…we need swizzle.
Don’t forget ‘fizzle’. That is how we will describe the democrats run for the white house in ’08. “When placed up against Fred Thompson, the (cookie cutter leftist cook candidate) seems to fizzle.”
Urkel gets canceled out by Carl Winslow. That guy was cool… and he was in Die Hard and a short appearance in Die Hard 2. Fred was in Die Hard 2.
If we all have to start apologizing for all the dumb stuff our “people” have done throughout the centuries, we’ll be here all night, the next day, and the next night for about the next seven millenia.
Let’s say I’m a white female over the age of 50. Does that mean I have to apologize for Hanoi Jane, Hillary, Susan Sarandon or any of the other Left wing bimbos polluting our country?
I had absolutely nothing to do with making them, I don’t support them, nor do I pay any attention to anything they say. Same with the whole slavery issue. Wasn’t there, didn’t do it, not responsible.
If you want to dig up a bunch of dead white people and try to sqeeze apologies out of them. Be my guest. Let me know how that works for you.
Um, bob&joyce, “anal-retentive” should be hyphenated. I looked it up in Webster’s once upon a time
I’d like to apologize in advance for crushing Mexico under the heel of my capitalist jackboot.
Also, I feel burdened with guilt over instituting rule by decree. You’re forcing me into it, though.
Thank you John in CA. Now dear husband cannot use it in Scrabble ! He bingo-ed four times the other night which, as you know, gave him an extra fifty points. He even lets me have 14 tiles and use the dictionary, and he beats me laying down all seven of his tiles in a word. Wait ’til I tell him that he can spell anal and retentive, but not both, as hyphens are not allowed in Scrabble. Thank you, John, you made my day !
How about they apologize for
Al sharpton
Jesse kackson
etc
etc
I, and my ancestors had nothing to do with slavery!
So when do I get an apology/money for:
1. The rever-ENDS F, J, and R.
2. The congressional black caucus.
3. Having to pay taxes for the MLK (AKA James Earl Ray day) Holiday, honoring a guy who got wasted leaving a motel room after spending some time with 2 white hookers. Great example that one! Also note in scene photos who’s standing on the balcony pointing at the shooter, none other than Rever-END J, probably waiting for sloppy-seconds.
4. The new growing muslim (the artificial religion of piece!) population in this country being recruited in prisons. I’m sure to get together to promote equality and harmony! I call BULLSHIT! Try criminal conspiracy for starters!
5. Several riots over the years.
6. O.J., Football Williams, Tookie (The nobel Piece prize nominee, finally now deceased!), Rodney King, Marion Barry, Willie Brown, and way too many to list here.
7. The crips, the bloods. Fine peer youth organizations!
8. Afirmative action.
9. Busing.
10. The higher incarceration rate/over-crowded jails.
11. Huge welfare dependence.
12. The shame that honest hardworking blacks have to endure by being associated with you, just by skin color! Wonderful legacy your leaving for them to overcome!
I guess this makes me a racist huh? STFW! Lets just ignore the facts, and you cowards can hide behind that word! It’s what you’ve been taught to do! It’s the easy path!
Arsenio Hall is directly responsible for what I call the “ape bark” (circling the fist going “woo-woo-woo” with as deep a voice as possible). He must be punished with a lengthy sentence of mandatory daily attendance at the Grand Ole Opry.
Oh, come on guys. Just put your hands in the air & wave ’em like you just don’t care.
I think the black community ought to apologize for Bill Clinton, our first black preznit. Or should he apologize to them for having the audacity to continue to refer to himself as such? I’m confused.
I believe the African American populace needs to apologize to themselves for fostering tired steroetypes about themselves when they make social heroes out of R & B stars like the 50 cents of today and the Eazy E’s of yesterday, but refer to people like Condi Rice, J. Kenneth Blackwell & Colin Powell as house negroes & “tyrants” (Harry Belafonte said that).
Michael Jackson is proof that America is the greatest country in the world. Where else could a poor, black boy grow up to be a rich, white woman?
Moonbunny has asked me to tell you all that ho-ho’s are not cookies, they’re snackie cakes.
The idea that people who have never supported slavery should apologize for it just because they happen to be of the same race is like having all the high school seniors in America apologize to all the high school freshmen in America for all the wedgies, swirlies, and wet willies they’ve suffered over the years.
Somebody should apologize to me because I made a sandwich out of donkey loaf instead of patent.
Stupid.
I will gladly pay reparations for slavery when every black pays reparations for ONE year’s worth of black on white crime…
I apologize for sacking Troy.
Oh Yah, I apologize for Eve!
Seriously, who is responsible for/who is going to apologize for “whiggers?”
Talk about a lunatic-fringe group!
Maybe “both sides” need to take responsibility, and end this abomination NOW!
Seriously, right or wrong aside, slavery at one time in our history was legal. Slaveholders had millions of dollars worth of legally held property removed with no compensation whatsoever. So who is owed an apology? How about reparations?
As a result of slavery we have a huge population of welfare dependents. Personally, I think the remains of all slave-importers/holders should be dug-up annually and friggin shot! Dumb bastards started all this crap!
When will Irish apologize for Sinead O’Connor, the Kennedy clan and the idea of green beer once a year? Now there’s a serious case for apologies!
Forget that; who’s going to apologize for the Irish in general?!?