Archive of entries posted on 8th January 2008
Ronin Profile: Texaspartan
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Let’s meet some more IMAO readers. Today, it’s Texaspartan.
What’s the story behind your name? I live in Texas and I have a deep appreciation for the Spartan way of thinking. The only difference between Thermopylae and The Alamo is that The Alamo didn’t send any messengers
Where do you live? I live in Lubbock… the high ground of Texas. It is also known as “God’s Country. God made it, no one wanted it and God still has it”
How old are you? 37 and a few months, but my wife says I don’t act it. Probably because I can quote the movie “Army of Darkness” verbatim.
Tell us briefly about yourself. Husband, father and dog owner. I like hunting and reading books about martial arts. I try not to watch a lot of TV, mainly because there isn’t much worth watching. I did write a TV pilot and about eight episodes, but no one picked it up. Maybe that is why I don’t think there is much out there worth watching.
How long have you been reading IMAO? About a year. I didn’t mark the date on my calendar so I may have missed the anniversary. Sorry.
What’s your favorite IMAO post? Lolterizt. Them guys is funny!!!!
If you were to describe IMAO in three words, what would those be? Tasteful yet unrefined.
What’s your favorite political issue? Illegal immigration and gun owner’s rights. I am all in favor of taking the best that other countries can offer and letting them work for a home and happiness here as long as they do it legally. If you come in unannounced and uninvited you just might get shot, just like someone breaking into a home, which of course leads to the rights of gun owners. See how it makes a nice little circle?
Do you have a website? If so, please tell us briefly about it. Nope. I don’t have enough time in the day to spend with my wife and kids so I give them all the time I’ve got.
What state should be first in the Republican presidential primary and why? Texas (knew that was coming didn’t you). Other than Austin, most of the people here are fairly conservative in their mind set. If you really wanted to get the best and most conservative candidate we would be pretty good at weeding out the pretenders. GO FRED!!!
If you commented in the last post asking for entrants, you’re still in the running. Thanks to everyone who has participated thus far; just because you may not think you’re interesting doesn’t mean we won’t enjoy your story.
Tonight: New Hampshire
Well, I guess on the Republican side I’m rooting for McCain because strategically that may be better for Fred Thompson (though I’m not sure). As for the Democrats, I am starting to think that Obama could run away with the election based on his charisma alone (which only Huckabee might be able to match). A Huckabee/Obama race would be interesting, as it would be all about who talks purtier and who is least naive on foreign policy. It would also mark that America has surrendered on being serious about international threats.
Anyway, keep in mind that independents can vote in the New Hampshire primaries, and there are no one dumber than independents.
UPDATE:
Yeah, looks like McCain winning tonight is the key to Fred Thompson making his stand and winning South Carolina. Go Maverick!
UPDATE 2:
Well, it’s a big day for McCain. My thoughts on what this means tomorrow (after I think them).
Oh Noes!!11!!
Now Ron Paul has no chance of being elected president. What’s next? Someone finding a scandal about Kucinich and ruining his chances too?
Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact
John Edwards believes in the conspiracy theory that Big Hairspray is paying millions to keep the uncloggable spray nozzle off the market.In My World: Just Let It Out
Hillary Clinton sat in a coffee shop with a a group of supporters in New Hampshire. “Isn’t this nice: Meeting with regular folks. That’s my favorite part of campaigning.”
One man looked at her unconvinced. “Then why do look ready to claw your own face?”
Hillary’s smile started fading. “It’s just…” She paused to collect herself. “I…” Here’s eyes started misting. “I just…” She began crying. “This campaigning had been so… sob… hard on me.”
“I’m sorry,” the man said. “I didn’t mean it. Please stop crying.”
Tears were streaming down her face. “Everyone… sob… has been… sob… so mean to me.”
“Well, we all like you here,” one person said. “Don’t we?” Everyone in the coffee shop agreed. “So there’s no reason to cry.”
“People just think… sob… the worst of me… sob… because all I ever wanted… sob… is unlimited power.”
“No no. We know that’s natural for a woman to want. Please stop crying.”
“It’s just that all… sob… the anger against me… sob… is hard to take… sob… I keep praying… sob… to a higher power… sob… for it to stop… sob… but it never lets up… sob… and I’m beginning to wonder… sob… if there really is a Satan.”
A woman nearby patted her on the back. “There is and he’s listening to you. It’s all going to be okay.”
“People seem to think… sob… I’m some naive liberal… sob… they thought… sob… I was going to accidentally screw up… sob… healthcare in America… sob… with my plan… sob… but really… sob… I was going to destroy it on purpose… sob… to spread suffering.”
“We know that,” a man told her. “We know you’re devious and not naive.”
“And I’ve worked… sob… so hard… sob… to be president… sob… my whole life… sob… and now that’s going to be… sob… taken away from me… sob… by a colored man… sob… with the name of homicidal dictator.”
“No! That’s not going to happen,” another woman assured her. “The country is still racist; they’ll never vote for Obama.”
The waiter came by the table. “Um… Can I get you something Senator Clinton?”
She tried to wipe away her tears. “I’d like… sob… a caramel… sob… macchiato.”
“Oh, um… I’m afraid we’re out of caramel.”
Hillary started crying even louder.
“Is there anything else I can get you?” he asked in a panic. “Anything at all?”
“What I really like… sob… but most places don’t have it… sob… is the blood… sob… of a new born baby.”
“There’s a hospital just a block away and I know where the nursery is. Just please stop crying and I’ll be back in a minute.” The waiter ran out the door.
“I think I better… sob… leave and get… sob… a handle on myself.” She stood up and began to slowly walk away from the table.
Bill O’Reilly ran over and knocked her down to the floor. “Stop blocking my shot of Obama!”
“I’m… sob… sorry.”
“Shut up and stop the crying! You’re messing up the recording of me shouting at people!”
Hillary crawled away into the corner and just sat there crying.
“Is there anything we can do to cheer you up?” one woman asked.
“You could… sob… tell me… sob… a joke.”
“Well… um… what’s black and white and red all over?”
“I don’t… sob… know.”
“A penguin with a sunburn.”
Hillary stopped crying, and soon a cackle began to form inside her and grow until she cackled so loud that small children five counties over began crying for no reason.
The patrons of the coffee shop stood back in fear. “Are you sure you’re done crying?”
lolterizt! Part 29
Once again, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.
[Hat tip to Seawitch for the pic]
From Tom:
Two from cyberjacques:
Two from Erik Wit:
PRODUCTION NOTE: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
Send your submissions to lolterizt-at-gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.