Listen to this audio of a Ron Paul supporter calling into the Gunny Bob radio show. (hat tip Hot Air)
And then there is this video of a Ron Paul supporter and his sign:
I think these people would be better off playing dungeons and dragons in their basement and pretending to save the world there.
But are we sure there are actual Ron Paul supporters and this all isn’t some huge performance art? It’s easier to buy both of these pieces as parody rather than actual people. Do you think these people will disappear after the election, because at some point I’ll actually start missing them.
Archive of entries posted on 23rd January 2008
Mystery Solved
Ya know why Muslims are – by and large – vicious, murdering thugs?
Because if your Imam catchings you being peaceful, you get shipped off to Canada.
Mormony Mo’ Problems
Reader submission . . .
capitalist b in da house!
if you send me copies of your politically related photoshops, I’ll be happy to post them and give you full credit — i rarely read comments, so make sure you e-mail me, or i probably won’t see it — also, i’ve found that photoshops of frank in various stages of undress are highly sought after by the imao readership
Yo, yo, yo — moman in da house . . .
Mitt Romney’s Detroit Economic Club Address
Monday, Jan 14, 2008
Remarks As Delivered
“Thank youz. It’s pimp-tight ta be back here wiff ya’ll. t’s pimp-tight ta be back in Motown. You know, somehow everything just seems right here. In da winter, o’ course, da skies iz cloudy all day. Most o’ da cars ya see on da roads iz made here in da pimp-tight old U-S-of A. Word. People know dat pop iz not youz baby’s daddy, it’s uh soft drink!
“One o’ muh mother f#ckin favorite stories, an’ ya may gots heard dis here cuz dey told it mo’ than once, wuz about muh Pop’s visit ta Mt. Pleasant, Michigan, on da 4th o’ July. He got up an’ spoke ‘bfoe da hood. He said, ‘It sure iz great representin up in dis here da Mt. Clement hood.’ There wuz dis here fruckis in da audience an’ muh mother f#ckin moms leaned forward an’ said, ‘George, it’s Pleasant, Pleasant!’ He said, ‘Yeah, it sure iz pleasant here in Mt. Clement.’ Stupid mo-fo.
“Now I gotsta ta tell ya, if I’m elected as President o’ dis here great land, I will not need uh compass ta tell me where Michigan iz. And I won’t need ta be briefed on what’s going on in da veehicle industry or what’s happening ta Michigan’s economy. You see, I’ve got Michigan in muh mother f#ckin DNA. I’ve goddit in muh mother f#ckin heart an’ I’ve got cars in muh mother f#ckin bloodstream. I be gansta and ready to roll up on dat recessions azz.
“When I wuz living here, representin’ with my homies, Michigan wuz da pride o’ da land an’ really da envy o’ da peeps in da entire world. Detroit wuz da Motor City ta everybody in da world. And perhaps da biggest day o’ da year fo’ me wuz being able ta jet ta da Detroit Auto Show. This wuz really sumfin. My Pops made Ramblers. And we’s wuz escorted from da hotel wiff uh po-po escort, motorcycles, awfully tight, even though we’s was rollin’ dirty.
“But uh lot has changed since then, as you allz know, an’ not all o’ it iz pimp-tight. Unemployment, now ya know deez numbers, unemployment at 7.4% iz in da basement o’ da entire country. A state agency just dis here week forecast dat next year it’s going ta jet ta 8.2% an’ afta dat 8.7% da year afta. Sheet.
“And da queshun iz, what has the Man in Washington done wiff dis here recession, what has whitey done ta he`p? The answer iz not very much at all. Fo’ sho’. I don’ know about da Washington politicians, but I can tell ya this: if I be President, I will not rest until Michigan is stone cold chillin! I be all gangsta up in whitey’s grillz and put a cap up his azz if he don’t mind.
“We’re going to show whitey our pimp hand and gets uh President who will actually take action ta do sumfin about dem. If I’m President o’ dis here country, I will roll up muh mother f#ckin sleeves in da first 100 days I’m in office, an’ I will bring together industry, labor, Congressional an’ state leaders an’ together we’s will develop uh plan ta rebuild America’s automotive leadership. It will be uh plan dat werkz fo’ sho. .
“The pessimist says dat da hundreds o’ thousands o’ jobs dat gots been lost, gots been lost forever. Well, da pessimists iz wrong. The industry an’ all its jobs do not gots ta be lost. And I be one pimp who will werk ta transform da industry an’ save those mother f#ckin’ jobs.
“Now, afta dis here speech, I be going ta do wiff muh boy Tagg, who’s chillin’ right dere, what muh motehr f#ckin Dad did wiff me 50 years ago. We’re going ta jet ta da International Auto Show where I will show him da bomb good time, and git wit some shortys. And da next tyme I visit da Auto Show here in Detroit, I hope it will be as da President o’ da United States. Thank ya so much, and peace out my bruthas!”
Daily John Edwards Fabulous Fact
John Edwards knows that “sucking a golf ball through a garden hose” isn’t a metaphor, it’s a talent.Hillary Suggests Strengthening Civil Rights Legacy in MLK Day Remarks
Columbia, SC (AP) – At an event commemorating MLK Day, held on the steps of a statehouse in front of which the Confederate Flag still flies, Clinton spoke about King’s legacy and the need to continue the struggle to fulfill his dream.
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“Dr. King was a great man,” said Clinton, “and was only made greater by his death. So the obvious conclusion is African-Americans need more martyrs and white people need to do their part by shooting as many civil rights workers as possible.”
“You can tell what’s meaningful to a people by what they’re willing to die for,” observed Clinton. “And for today’s African-American community, it’s apparently obscenely-lyriced rap music. While I can appreciate that legacy, too – being the OG beeyotch ho’ that I am – these murders are usually black-on-black. This fails to leverage the white guilt that is what Dr. King’s legacy is all about. Jesse Jackson needs to step up and take a bullet if Dr. King’s work is to have any meaning.”
“And if Obama wants to prove his civil rights street cred, I think he knows what he needs to do, too.”
Her husband Bill agreed. “Listening to today’s Civil Rights leaders drone on and on about Dr. King today, I nodded off half a dozen times. If used dishwater could talk, it would sound a lot like these guys. They just suck. And everybody knows it. If they were any good, some white guy would’ve gunned ’em down YEARS ago.”
When Hillary was asked by reporters what she would die for, her answer was both evasive and enlightening:
“Whoa! Hey! Let’s not talk crazy, now! Fact is, women make crappy martyrs. Heck, it’s barely been a month, and no one even remembers that Benzidrene Bluto from Pakistan any more. No, a woman’s proper role is the grieving widow of the martyr. Really cranks up the guilt quotient. Coretta rode that one-trick pony for almost 40 years. Personally, I plan to ride it to the White House.”
After one reporter observed that she wasn’t a widow, Mrs. Clinton merely responded with a wink and the cryptic comment “It’s called SUPER Tuesday for a reason.”
Frank Discussions: Jonah Goldberg
Jonah Goldberg’s finally finished and released his book Liberal Fascism: The Secret History of the American Left, From Mussolini to the Politics of Meaning. People seem to love Liberal Fascism (Goldberg has a whole blog to keep track of reactions; apparently some liberals are hostile to it) as its been selling out everywhere and even Amazon.com ran out of stock. Actually, it’s kinda pointless telling you about it since you can’t buy it. Still, I decided to interview Jonah Goldberg to see if I could get a free copy out of the deal (I’m still waiting).
Q. You seem to be doing a great service to liberals by pointing out their fascistic tendencies. I know if I were doing fascist things, I’d like someone to point it out so I could stop. How grateful have liberals been thus far?
I’ve been told that in some cultures, huge piles of dog feces wrapped in burning brown paper and comments on the promiscuity of relatives on your matrilineal line are considered enormous compliments. So by that standard, things are great!
Unfortunately, we don’t live in one of those cultures.
Q. One great way to stop liberals from being fascists would be to round them up into camps. What should be the activities at these camps? Wallet-making? Canoeing? Something else?
I don’t want to send anyone to camps, just for the record. But at Camp Kenwood, when I was a lad, we had a grand time playing water polo with a watermelon slathered in lard. For what that’s worth.
Q. Some people may find it surprising to call liberals fascists, especially anyone who has never been on a college campus, since liberals just want to help the poor. Why do you hate the poor? Is it their smell?
Poor people don’t buy books as much as rich people, so obviously they matter less.
By the way, you smell poor.
Q. What exactly is so bad about fascism anyway?
I see where you’re going here. I think it was Lenny on the Simpsons who said, “Sure, the Germans made some mistakes, but that’s why pencils have erasers.”
Fascism is bad in all the ways socialism can be bad. Why? Because fascism is a kind of socialism.
Q. You point out that liberals are like the Nazis because they’re for organic farming and social programs, and so were the Nazis. Well, the Nazis also wore hats, so does that make anyone who wears a hat a Nazi? (Please say yes, because my wife keeps telling me to wear a hat when I leave the house, but I don’t want to.)
No, actually this is what a lot of my critics keep saying I say. It’s not in fact what I say. The point about the organic food stuff is that many on the left use the same arguments to defend organic food that Nazis did. They blather on about how we’re all interconnected, about how capitalism makes you sick, about how the organic “holistic” lifestyle is an antidote to the alienating, deracinating pressures of modernity. They link socialized medicine to personal lifestyles, arguing that the state has every right to intervene in what you eat and how you live, because the state is picking up the tab (In Canada fat people can’t get all sorts of surgeries because the state doesn’t think they deserve them). I don’t say liberals are Nazis because they both like organic food. But I do think that if we’re going to have a permanent Fascism Watch we might as well ponder the implications of such similarities. “Public health initiatives were pursued not just in spite of fascism, but also in consequence of fascism,” Robert Procter argues in his path-breaking book, The Nazi War on Cancer. The National Socialist “campaign against tobacco and the ‘whole-grain bread operation’ are, in some sense, as fascist as the yellow stars and the death camps.”
And tell your wife if you wear a hat, you’re worse than Hitler.
Q. I noticed in your recent TV appearance you have a goatee. How do we know you’re not Jonah Goldberg’s evil twin out to defame him and his talking couch?
I’m going to cut off your head and sht down your neck.
Q. Which presidential candidate is the most fascist?
I don’t know, but Hillary Clinton wrote the most fascistic book of any of the candidates, remaining. Although I would have said Bill Richardson because he once wrote a book called “Nazi Supermen Are My Heroes” but it was in Spanish so few people read it. Also, despite the title, most of the book was about how he doesn’t like negative campaigning.
Q. According to Amazon.com, your book is 496 pages and 1.6 pounds. If I saw a liberal three yards away who looked to be about five foot nine, and I were to throw the book with a momentum of 5 Ns at a release height of six feet, what angle would I have to throw the book at to hit the liberal directly on top of his head? Ignore wind resistance. Show your work.
No one told me there’d be math on this!
[It’s actually a kinetics physics problem. Strange he knows so little about his own book. -Ed.]
Q. Would you support a tactical nuclear strike against the moon to fight fascism?
You well know my greatest concern is the threat posed by Volcanoes. The moon will have to wait. Perhaps we should have a sort of Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact with the moon until we’re prepared to strike.
Q. Tell us briefly why we should buy your book. You can’t use the letter ‘e’.
First, it aids in stopping folks from Visa coming to my pad and taking my stuff willy-nilly. Also, you would gain wisdom. This is hard. I miss that thing prior to F and following D.
Q. Your interview on the Daily Show was quite edited. What happened in the cut parts? Did you strike Jon Stewart? How hard? Did it do any good?
We played tonsil hockey for about three minutes. Then he told me every single word in my book was dead-on accurate. Then he said, “but of course we’ll cut that out! Hah ha ha ha!”
Q. Since conservatives like me fear change, were you branded as a witch or a communist for starting National Review Online?
Some branded me witch, others Communist. Which is funny because I am in fact both. I attend meetings where the first half are conducted Politburo style (How many bushels of wheat did we produce this week? Have the canned hams been sent to my dacha? Etc). Then in the second half we spark up a big cauldron of eye of newt stew and put hexes on carnival workers and people named Todd.
Q. The Corner is a very popular blog, but does anybody have any idea how many people are allowed to post on it and who those people are?
There are actually only three of us, we just keeping making up new names. Mark Steyn is actually an intern from Loyola. That guy you sometimes see out in public is an actor. You may know him from such films as “Kris Kringle Killed My Dog,” “Show Tunes Versus Demography: What Price Freedom?”, or “Knocked-Up.”
Q. And how many blogs does NRO now have? Is anyone actually expected to read all of those?
Yes. You will be quizzed later. How many? I don’t know. Fewer than grains of sand on a beach, more than the number of natural teeth in Joe Biden’s head.
Q. The people at the Daily Kos seem to hate you, but it’s also well known they like eating their own feces. How could you be worse than the taste of feces?
That’s a question you will have to ask the corprophagics at Daily Kos. Apparently they can develop a taste for anything – anything but me.
Q. According to Wikipedia, your youth was spent robbing liquor stores until you saw an episode of Star Trek that made you reevaluate your life. What episode was it?
How does Wikipedia get everything so, so right? It was “A Piece of the Action” because until I saw that I had no idea Vic Tayback was so versatile. I mean I knew he was drop-dead sexy. But the man had chops. And once I saw that, I knew that there was more for me than boosting Korean-owned liquor stores and huffing Miracle Whip.
Q. In one of your syndicated columns, you used some Fred Thompson Facts. On average, how much of your columns is stolen from bloggers?
Stolen? Dude you paid me to do that.
Q. What blogs, if any, do you read? (say you only read IMAO)
The Only Blog I Read is IMAO.
[Finally someone who can follow instructions. Buy his book! -Ed.]
Q. In closing, do you have a message for our nation’s youth?
Text message while driving, don’t go to sleep until you make it to the next level on your gameboxcube thing, condoms are for losers, only users lose drugs, always ask yourself “What would Britney Spears Do?” get all of your news from IMAO.
What Should We Do Now?
We are a small and shunned minority, we conservatives who paid attention to politics and the facts about each of the candidates. Now that Fred Thompson is gone, what is left for us to do.
I see three options.
1. Throw Our Unenthusiastic Support Behind Romney. He’s conservativey, and thus the default choice for those of us who actually care about conservatism. And while he won’t punch hippies, he probably would have them forcefully ejected from his office building by security (while doing his best to avoid a scene). It’s just that getting enthusiastic for him is like getting all excited about a scoop of vanilla ice cream. I don’t know what Hugh Hewitt is taking, but I’d wish he’d share it.
2. Get Hot for Obama. He is charismatic. Why can’t we take the blue pill, forget all his political positions and incompetence, and catch Obama fever? How much could he screw up in four years anyway? And if he is elected the first black president, won’t you feel racist for not voting for him? How will you explain that to your grandchildren — especially if they’re black? They’ll call you “Grandpa Byrd” or something equally derogatory.
3. Become Grizzled Loners. Society doesn’t reject us; we reject society! Let’s stock up on ammo and canned food and withdraw from the civilized world. And let’s be extremely gruff to anyone who comes near us. Of course, the hard exterior will be there only to conceal the hurt inside.
I think that’s all the possibilities, so what do you think?
freed tompson lewzer!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
der no freed tompson too save u! ur eyeballs r as gud as poo! u all lewzers!
murrica say it no lik dum stoopid heelbilly neocon jues lik u an freed tompson. murrica hate freed tompson beecause dey no der beter choice of ron paul. he weel keel all u dum stupid heelbilly neocon jues. he weel also keel all utter jues.
ur eyeballs weel be so tastee! i cannot wait! ron paul weel sav murrica! ron paul weel eet ur eyeballs an turn dem into poo!
an no wut wee do wit dat poo?
THROW IT AT U!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHH!!!
jus wait til november! mee an all my monkey freends weel elect ron paul! hav fun seeing until den!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!