Man has always looked to the stars and wondered, “Can you set a ninja on fire?” It seems an impossibility since a ninja is too quick to be exposed to open flame.
But I have a plan.
The obvious way to set a ninja on fire would be to hit him with a Molotov cocktail, but as soon as you lit the rag on it the ninja would be alerted and disappear into the shadows. I intend to devise some sort of Molotov cocktail-like device that uses a chemical reaction to catch fire on impact. Them I will sneak up behind a ninja and throw it at him. You may think I can’t sneak up on a ninja, but you underestimate me.
People will know I’m a leader because I set a ninja on fire.
Frank J. ‘XX for Some Office
“He set a ninja on fire.”
Also, it’s a well known fact that they can’t catch you if you set yourself on fire. You know… just in case a bunch of ninjas are after you for catching the first one on fire. I’m sure you’d win any given election if you’re still alive at the end of all that.
Augh! I was planning that reference for half an hour, and you beat me to posting it by a minute!
Ah man, I completely forgot about dr mcninja
YES! Whorse loving Fred Thompson is out! It’s official. This is some truly wonderful news! A joyous day! A fantastic day!
HOORAY!
HOORAY!
HOORAY!
HOORAY!
Eat it Limbaugh poopheads! A tremendous HA HA on you!
YES! Whorse loving JOY! is finally out of the closet! It’s official! Here comes the mantrain, baby! Woo-Woo!
You need a campaign manager. Never give away your plan before elected. Now someone is gonna steal your idea and do something about those ninjas.
Dear Frank J.,
Since you are so great that you can set a ninja on fire, could you please also do us all a great favor. You know the EASY button that Staples has – could you put one of those on your website with the word “FIRE” on it, so that we can push it every time some piece of poop posts an offensive or brainless comment here. Then we will gladly watch how each troll goes up in flames and screams in pain.
Thank you and best regards,
Mykidsmommy
I think we need to get a category-tag running for Frank’s policies, so that we can seem them all listed. It would allow us to see your entire platform in one convenient location.
Sweet.
Ummm…
You DO realize that the very act of throwing the bottle at the ninja creates a pressure wave in the air that a true ninja can easily detect in plenty of time to avoid the impact.
Most likely, they will simply catch it nimbly and toss it back at you.
Ninjas? Shouldn’t you be concentrating on the monkey menace? I’ve seen plenty of monkeys trolling around here, but I haven’t seen one ninja!
Heh, make me the third person to reference Dr. McNinja. I was thinking of him as I read this.
If you don’t already read the strip, Frank J., you really should. It’s hilarious and chock full of ninja-y goodness.
Im sure Fred Thompson could sneak up on a ninja, if he could stay awake long enough to do it.
As we speak mutant ninja monkeys are plotting my demise.
How much rum do you put in them cocktails you keep talking about? Ain’t no good without some rum in it.
Too much rum already. Misspelled my name in that last post.
Damn monkey thumbs.
you can make a modified Molotov cocktail called a chemical fire bomb without the use of a rag. you fill the bottle 2/3 with gas and 1/3 with sulfuric acid. When you cap the bottle make sure to use glass to insulate the acid from the cap. Then you take sugar and water and cook in the same manner in which you make rock candy. while the sugar and water is still in its liquid state, you soak paper towels in the sugar and water mixture. When the paper towels dry, you cut them into strips and tape the strips to the side of the bottle’s containing the gas-acid mixture. Before releasing the bomb, you shake the bottle thoroughly mixing the acid and gas inside the bottle then throw your weapon. When the glass bottle breaks on impact, the sugar and acid mix causing combustion and igniting the gasoline.
Texaspartan – if you use a Coke bottle with rum, you have a cocktail suitable for “attacking conservatives,” but not “mutant ninja monkeys.”
is a ninja that can be snuck up on really a ninja? i suspect it is just a guy in silk pajamas
Just sic Charles Bronson on them. He’ll kill them like the roaches that they are.
Actually chow there is an “easier” way. The Finns (they invented the molotov cocktail during the Winter War) used the orginal recipe of 1/2 coal tar, then 1/4 gasoline and 1/4 kerosene . What the Finns realized was that the coal tar they were using was very rich in ammonium which reacts violently (read: awesomely) when combined with sulfric acid. So the Finns then began adding a smallish glass capulse of sulfric acid to their firebombs and then sealing the bottle. Upon impact the capulse would break and combine the coal tar to ignite. (See the Winter War Chapter John Mosier’s Blitzkrieg Myth)
To answer Frank’s question simply offer the ninja a pre-battle drink of sake and when he reaches for it fling it at him. Then run, real fast.
Frank — or better yet, look up Nitrogen tri-iodide on wikipedia. Even Ninjas can’t hover in mid-air forever. Contact explosives rule!
Yes you can light a ninja on fire.
The question is how does the ninja turn your attack against you?
dang warlord. You mean to tell me I have been burning myself up needlessly all these years?
Since your post seems to predicate the possible grievous bodily harm to some unsuspecting ninja, somewhere, based solely upon negative stereotypes such as it isn’t easy to sneak up on a ninja, they wear dark clothes, etc., my conscience requires I report you to the Canadian Human RIghts Commission for hate speech violations.
GOOD DAY, sir!
Your idea has sound chemistry, chow, but I just thought the coal tar thing would be less labor intensive.