WASHINGTON (AP) – After Barack Obama’s stunning upset win in the Iowa caucases, Hillary Clinton announced that she will star in a new reality TV show in an effort to do better in the New Hampshire primaries.
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“I got the idea after reading that attendance is up after the tiger attack at the San Francisco zoo,” said Hillary. “I think that by tying together two of America’s favorite things – politics and animal maulings – I’ll be able to show America that I’m in touch with what’s important.”
The new show, called “The Lady or the Tiger?”, will feature New Hampshire voters in a room where they will cast their votes in the Democratic primaries. If they vote for Hillary, nothing will happen and they can leave the room unharmed. If they vote for anyone else, a hungry tiger will charge into the room and disembowel them live on national TV.
Clinton campaign spokesperson Mo Elleithee is enthusiastic about the new project. “Although some people will claim that this is just a cheap rip-off of the ‘Huckabee or Hyenas?’ show that the Republicans used with great success in Iowa, the truth is Hillary’s been planning this for years. It has it origins in the incident where she hit Bill in the face with their cat, Socks, after hearing about Monica Lewinsky. The basic premise of punishing people’s poor decision-making skills with angry felines remains the same, just with more cat and splattering body parts. Besides, this will give those people who keep saying ‘I’d rather die than vote for Hillary’ a chance to prove themselves.”
Middle-ground also-ran John Edwards was dismissive of Clinton’s plan, calling it “cheap circus theatrics”.
“This is negative campaigning at it’s worst,” said Edwards, “and is just a sleazy attempt to distract America from the fact that only I have the pretty, pretty hair necessary to solve this country’s problems.”
Clinton responded that Edwards’s comment was just “sour grapes” because his own reality show, “The Faggot or the Ferrets?” only garnered him a weak second-place showing in Iowa.
“Release the Tiger”
“poor decision making” by males has typically been punished by the removal of the feline by the female whether blaitently or simply because the male had the self-preserving foresight not to make such a request…
(Ok. That’s bad. Guess I’d better remove my name from this comment…)
Nice literary reference, Harvey.
Just to be clear, I’ll take the tiger right off the bat.
Hey! Lay off ferrets. They are little bundles of attitude and no self-respecting ferret would associate with silky pony!
Except perhaps to steal his compact (SHINY!!) and taunt him with it.
I’m guessing that Silky would have his own designs on the poor ferret who would end up stuffed up Silky’s ass as part of a sick “man-love” ritual…
John’s “The Faggot or the Ferrets?” contest reminds me of his “two Americas” thesis. Both live where the sun don’t shine.
My friend said that a good idea for a reality tv show would be to put a camera in the Clinton house and call the show “Despot Housewives”.