Fun Trivia

What’s another name for the Ku Klux Klan?

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A Story, Bit by Bit
Hellbender: Chapter 8 – More Than Pathetic

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“It’s pretty plain looking.” Bryce stared down at the metal cube. “I would expect something important to the Trans to be quite garish.”
“I could put stencils of bunnies on it,” Lulu suggested.
“So what is it?” Charlene nudged it with her foot.
“It’s the bunny cube… or at least it will be when I’m done with it.”
“I just hope who were selling the arms to will know what it is and pay us accordingly,” Bryce said. “She’s a disciple of Dammon… quite important.”
“And when you play dice with it, you always win… because you always roll bunnies!”
“So we’re just going to waltz in, hold up the cube, and say, ‘Do you know what this is and want to pay us for it?’?” Charlene asked.
Bryce chuckled. “We’re not going to do that, Charlene. For one thing, I’m not holding it up because that thing is weird and I’m not touching it.”
“Everyone wins with the bunny cube!”
“It has a key in it.” Doug finally pulled himself off the floor on which he was sleeping of the small, abandoned apartment.
Charlene gave him a dirty look. “Great job keeping guard last night, by the way.”
“I was sleepy! Anyway, I saw the Devil again and he said there’s a key in there.”
Charlene looked confused. “You saw who?”
“Apparently Doug is being visited in his sleep by the personification of evil from biblical mythology,” Bryce explained.
Charlene turned to Doug. “You haven’t been reading that crap, have you?”
“What crap?” Doug realized he could have just said, “No,” since he couldn’t even remember the last time he read anything.
“Religious mythology, because you’re just the kind of idiot that would fall for that sort of thing.”
That stung a bit, but Doug felt there was some truth to it. “I didn’t read anything. I just had some stupid dreams. Forget it.”
Charlene sat on the room’s one bed. She had taken off her uniform’s jacket, but still looked quite military in the pants and tank top. “So are there any plans to get at least a change of clothes, or is a truck full of weaponry hidden in the desert pretty much all we have right now?”
“I keep telling you not to worry.” Bryce checked his tie in the room’s one dingy mirror. “Hey, what ever happened to my suit jacket?”
“I’m afraid I misplaced during one of the gunfights.” Charlene checked the chamber of a pistol. “So what are we doing now?”
“I have some funds tucked away.” Bryce tried to fix his hair with a comb. “I’ll need a new suit, and Lulu can get you some new clothes while we’re out.”
Lulu was busy working at something on the ground. “Children sizes are hard to find these days.”
“Lulu, if you get me something idiotic, i.e., something you would wear, I will hurt you. Do you understand that?”
Lulu didn’t look up from her work. “Blah blah blah.”
“This will all be sorted out soon,” Bryce said. “As soon as we’re ready, we’ll be meeting up with a friend of mine who should be able to get us in to see Colette, Dammon’s head honcho here. We’ll sell the arms to her and have plenty of money until we get our next job. We have a new life; be happy.”
Charlene did not look ready to be happy. “You understand that if people hire us as mercenaries, they’ll actually be expecting us to do those jobs. You’re not going to be able to BS your way through everything.”
Bryce chuckled. “You put too much weight on your weapons skills, dear. This isn’t going to be all about combat, and we all bring valuable skills to the table. I’m good dealing with people. Lulu has tech experience.”
“And Doug?”
“Well, Doug…” Bryce thought for a moment. “…is good at carrying stuff. In fact, had I entrusted him to carry my expensive suit jacket, I’m quite sure I’d still have it. Also, he can throw a good punch when needed. He knocked out some guy for me just last week.”
Doug knuckles were still swollen from that. “What was that all about, anyway?”
Bryce gave Doug a sharp look. “As I said then, it’s none of your business.”
Doug turned to Charlene. “And if you remember, I got an ‘Adequate’ score on my swordsmanship in my military training.”
“And exactly what use is that?”
Doug knew the answer to that one as he had thought about it many times. “Guns aren’t very effective against the Hallowed, but you can defeat them by cutting them apart.”
Charlene laughed. “Except that one of the Hallowed could probably just tear you apart with his mind.”
“See, Doug is useful. Since Colette is one of the Hollow, if something goes wrong it can be Doug’s job to run up and give her a good punch and then cut her to pieces… if she doesn’t kill him with her mind.”
Doug shook his head. “I don’t like the idea of hitting a woman.”
Bryce shrugged. “Fine. Doug is completely useless. But we need four people for our mercenary group, but I’m sure just three of us being skilled is enough for any job. You ready to go, Tri-Lu?”
“Yeah.” She got up from her hidden work and looked to Charlene and Doug. “You two be sweet while we’re gone and guard the mysterious bunny cube.”
“We’re not calling it that!” Charlene shouted.
“Yes we are!” Lulu screamed back. She stormed out with Bryce giving a final wave before following.
There was a moment’s quiet, and Doug decided to sit down on the bed next to Charlene. “You know, it’s been a while since it’s just been us two–”
Charlene sighed. “How many times do I have to tell you that I absolutely no interest in you, Doug? You’re a pathetic loser, and if you ever had the will to stand up to Bryce, maybe he and Lulu wouldn’t feel so empowered to drag me into this crap.”
“You’d rather have been left back in Stride? We’re supposed to stick together, Charlene.”
“Says who?”
Doug just thought that was the understanding they had since they were kids. “What else do we have than each other? The world hates us. They slaughtered our parents for stuff I don’t even understand, and somehow we’re the bad guys.”
“And the answer to that is to be petty criminals?”
The answer, Doug thought, was to fight back. He just wished Stan’s words were true that that was even possible — that there was some power greater than the Trans. He looked towards the cube, now back in its cloth sack and lying on the ground.
“If that thing is actually something the governments want,” Charlene said, “then we better get rid of it quick one way or another. If Elza’s people we fought at the armory survived, they’re probably right now trying to find out who and where we are. Who knows who else is trying to track it down.”
It was a scary thought, but if the Transcendents really did fear the contents of the cube, then Doug wanted to know what was in there.
NEXT

Obama Can No More Distance Himself from This Slogan than He Can Denounce His Own Grandmother


I bet if I made this bumper sticker, it would sell pretty well among certain segments of the population.

Reading HuffPo Makes Me Giggle in My Head

Why?
Hard to say exactly.
Maybe it’s the way they ooze smug from every self-important pore.
Or maybe it’s the condescending tone of absolute moral authority.
All I know is that if HuffPo were a right wing blog, it would read exactly like IMAO, except they’d mean every word.
Anyway, here’s some steaming piles of Po, and me laughing at them:


“The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side. Oh joy! Rapture! I got a brain!”

One of the most remarkable aspects of the Iraq invasion and occupation has been the administration’s — and mainly the president’s — predictably awful and irresponsible habit of placing the burden of the success or failure of this thing squarely on the shoulders of an already overburdened military.”

Obviously pissed that it’s been mostly success.

As we mark the fifth anniversary of the Iraq war, the most troubling fact, in a long and tragic list of troubling facts, is that we already know there will be a sixth anniversary.”

Yes, calendars are, indeed, troubling that way.

Through our continued presence in Iraq, we are compromising our key security partnerships and joint security initiatives in the places where they matter the most.

If by “compromising our key security partnerships and joint security initiatives” you mean “killing terrorists”, I agree.

Obama did more than talk about race. He began to build a progressive narrative”

Don’t Penn & Teller have a series on Showtime called “Building a Progessive Narrative!“?

It may be easier to endlessly replay the latest gaffe from a candidate than to take your camera outside the Green Zone. But news of the ongoing wars shouldn’t fall by the wayside.

“More ‘America is losing’ stories, please”.

Would Barack Obama be any different as our 44th president, responding to domestic and international crises with just as much grace, power and erudition as he has already shown?

Good: Grace, power and erudition.
Better: Hellfire missiles.

Americans Like America

Apparently Obama has taken a hit in the polls. The lesson here is that Americans really like America, so, as a politician, you should be careful not to appear sympathetic to people who hate America. Actually, we started a whole war against people who hate America; we feel that strongly on that issue.
I think the only option now is for Obama to go on vacation in Europe. While there, he should wear a cowboy hat and an American flag t-shirt and be a total dick to everyone while demanding great treatment because, “I’m an American — your superior!” Then maybe he can convince people he likes America. Americans prefer the leader of America to be someone who likes it, and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

How the D.C. Gun Ban Affects Hot Blonds

I think hot women are probably the best way to explain injustice.
Really, though, if D.C. gun laws are constitutional, then any restriction on a right can be justified.
(hat tip Conservative Grapevine)