Following the suspension of staffer for linking to a YouTube video critical of Obama, Senator John McCain has reportedly locked his mother in the attic for stating to visitors, “I don’t like how Obama dragged his poor grandma into this.”
“That is a personal attack,” McCain explained to reporters. “And personal attacks have no place in my campaign. Thus, I have locked my mother in the attic with no food so she can think of what she’s done.”
McCain’s mother is ninety-five years old — almost as old as John McCain himself. She was unavailable for comment due to her being locked in an attic.
Wow! I give you 5 stars and you call me a cracker? We are indeed a nation divided and I’m thinkin’ that only The Magic Negro will be able to heal and bring together the downtrodden black and typical White People like us…
Now there’s a man with courage. My own saintly mother — a fine Christian woman — contracted spinal streptocillic methothiamiosis of the lower pituitary spleen, and had to be put down. Well, it was something hard to pronounce, so I just say “spinal streptocillic methothiamiosis of the lower pituitary spleen” and people understand.
I didn’t have the courage to lock her in the attic myself. In fact, I barely gave her proper discipline at all toward the end, except sticking her with the taser when she whined for the morphine. That was really for me, though. The crowd always wanted me to stop after a few minutes, but they paid for the full half hour so that’s what I gave her.
You really have to admire John McCain.
Frank, I’d like to apologize for ussjimmycarter on this Good Friday. He’s not a typical white person but is instead a magical, racial chameleon who secretly admires John McCaintIGreat and has very likely gained access to your passport. His support of Obama is a ruse and a stunt to keep Hillary from becoming the nominee of the Democratical Party.
As for you, Score A Tease, my own mother is alive and well and is coming for you with a square needle and a hammer.
Jimmy 4: Bring it!
[unsnaps taser holster]
HotAir has it right though… Juan Mexicain is playing at politics pretty well so far. Let the Dems tear each other up while he visits Iraq. Scapegoat a staffer instead of not denouncing a racist hatemonger… when it comes down to brass tacks, people might be drawn to the whole “kill the terrorists” thing he has going for him (which is about ALL he has going for him).
Check your pockets for a surprise!
So I give this post a pretty good rating, and this funky fortune-cookie message is my reward??
It’s vague enough to be very threatening. I’m scared to check…
My mother, God bless her demented Christian soul, has a headache today and can’t pay you a visit after all, Sock A Taser. But if she could, I’m sure she’d inject you with dibutyltrichloroethyladiene. Ask your doctor if that’s right for you. (dibutyltrichloroethyladiene is not suitable for Greeks who are pregnant, might become pregnant or ever were pregnant.)
juan mexicain (pretty good, RW&T) is confronted by two opponents who can NOT be criticized.
If you criticize one, you’re a racist. If you criticize the other, you’re a misogynist. (It used to be if you criticized the third, you were a homophobe, but he got out of the race.)
So maybe mexicain’s “no name calling” campaign strategy actually does make sense, especially when the opposition is tearing itself apart because it hasn’t quite figured this out yet.
In the words of my namesake, the immortal A. Bunker, “Wrong, wrong, wrong, meathead!”
They should be buying blocks of air time to run that piece, and that staffer should be made head of the RNC.
Jimmy, I am a typical white person who now wants to know what the hell was in those passport files! I would suggest that Frank J. take a portion of his fortune and offer these contractors a cool million each to pony up the facts so the American people can make an informed decision!
Deny it as you will, ussjimmycarter, but I’m telling Hillary (a typical white woman) about your support for the Magic Negro (a typical half-white man). She’s spending Easter weekend in a special thigh and buttocks reduction camp in Splodydope, Illinois (near her home town) while being briefed about the passport scandal. Later today, an aide said she’s meeting with Condi Rice (an atypical black woman) to kick her butt even though Condi has apologized profusely (as usual) and promised to ‘keep her posted’ on the outcome of Frank’s brib.. era investigation. I need coffee.
Here’s a thought. Maybe we should take Osamabamas grandmother out from under the bus he threw her under and unlock Juan’s mother from his attic and have them run for president. They both sound like they have more common sense then either of the dunderhead running at the moment. (Hillary is not really running she’s sort of jogging along, trying to stay out of the limelight. Apparently her female relatives are nothing to write home about.)