Waterboarding – it’s hip, it’s trendy, it’s the iPhone of protest performance art. Unemployed trust-fund hippies all across the nation are indulging in this season’s hottest new hobby.
However, unlike the waterboarding done by the trained professionals of the US Government, amateur waterboarding is rife with peril for the uninitiated. For your benefit, we’ve staged this photo which conveniently shows all the major waterboarding “don’ts” in one image:
- DON’T pour water from a plastic gallon jug. Plastic bottles kill hundreds of thousands of sea mammals every year. Or is that fishing nets? Whatever. Plastic is still the devil’s cuticle.
- DON’T use unfiltered DC Metro water. As you can see from the white spots on the ground, it’s full of crack rocks.
- DON’T use a bleached white cotton towel over the “victim’s” face. Not using a towel made of sustainable brown organic cotton is a slap in the face to third-world indigenous peoples trying to support their families, you racist.
- DON’T invite over-rated hack prop comics like Carrot Top [left]. The waterboardee may choke on his own vomit, as may innocent bystanders.
- DON’T invite Bumblebee Man [rear, center]. Protests are serious business, and are not the place for obscure Simpsons references.
- DON’T wear leather shoes. It’s like the guy pouring the water WANTED to offend people! My apologies to all the vegetarians, vegans, fruitarians, and PeTArds who may have accidentally viewed this image and pulled a muscle while recoiling in horror.
- DON’T allow your green-shirted Ecstasy dealer to spoil your waterboarding money-shot. Nothing undermines your political point faster than having Dr. Feelgood counting his take in the background.
- DON’T forget your safety helmet. While a wet towel will prevent SOME cranial trauma, it’s better to wear more durable protective gear – such as a bicycle helmet – in case your jittery, spaghetti-armed prop-comic friend accidentally bounces your noggin off the concrete.
Remember folks, while fake waterboarding is a great way to abet terrorists while telling yourself you occupy the moral high ground, you have to do it right if you want to ensure that no one but the Warmongering Sheeple of Bushitler and other Tools of Halliburton are offended in the process.
More like water-BORING! There’s no point if there’s no excruciating pain! Sure, fear is good, but it should be accompanied by consequences. oh well… at least those homos are “torturing” each other now…
Where can I join in…. It reminds me of my college days. Dropping water balloons on the unwashed dope-feinds at Kent State. Ah, good times.
Eco criminals everywhere. Unberievable!
IMAO always light years ahead of the pack. That’s why we come here. More of teh funny than human beings should be allowed to have.
Well, that pretty much makes our case for us, does it not? If the moron hippie fringe is willing to do it, then it can’t possibly be any worse on people than, say, handcuffing one’s self to a building.
Yeah, and don’t make someone drink beer or soda pop while reading IMAO – it’s equivalent to water boarding. Coffee is okay.
Waterboarding? That looks like a sidewalk, not one of our fine lakes or rivers. I recall how I used to dazzle the members of the fairer sex with my waterboarding skills on Lake Punchahippi in my native land. And I see no motorboat, no rope, no life vest. Only an idiot goes waterboarding without a life vest.
If you can, get word to these people that they’re doing it wrong.
Now, if they’re attempting to demonstrate non-standard interrogation (NSI) techniques, then one wonders just how harsh the technique is if they’re undergoing it voluntarily.
Who made water boarding one word? This is abuse of language, I say.
Where I come from, people do it on wooden or fiberglass slats, round disks, even in their bare feet. And it’s all voluntary. Except the part where you hit the water face first. Salt water (or is it saltwater?) is best for that.
Waterboarding SOP calls for women’s panties over the “victim’s” head. If the victim is a genuine terrorist you can use his own panties. If the “victim” is your fellow anti-U.S. protester you may use your own panties.
I prefer to hit moonbats in the head with a board and then drown them. It’s plenty safe (for me, at least), and it’s definitely fun!
Just for the record, Carrot Top has totally ripped guns. It just makes him look even creepier.
yeah, no kidding about Carrot Top. I hope Congress doesn’t launch an investigation of steroid use in the stand-up comedy industry, cause if they do, he’s in deep sh!t.
You know, maybe we should pay attention to teh hippies about water boarding…
They need water for other things, right? Hydroponic pot gardens, bongs, etc.
So I propose an alternative: Sulphuric acid boarding! The neat part is that you don’t need to use a whole lot.
HARVEY- Next time you stage a waterboarding, remember three things:
1. Use a genuine liberal;
2. Wear proper eye protection; and
3. Fill the bottle with Drano.
Hey a little synchronicity with Alan and BileS&S.
Hey Kid Pickle…
Just a little tip for ya…..
Never use the words “totally ripped guns” when describing another man…..it makes you look creepy.
Kid Pickle – I admit to prior knowledge of Carrot Top’s Schwarzenegger-like physique and plead “artistic license” 🙂
I am confused. Are these hippies or homos?
Even more confusing the plastic milk jug, milk and plastic are both bad. Wouldn’t they use a clay pot?
Oh right, they have a hard time lifting a jug full of water, let alone an empty clay pot that is earth friendly.
Hey I got referenced and totally missed it. Curse my workaholism…
Disclaimer: the green-shirted individual is not affiliated with me in any way, but he does owe me money.