A Story, Bit by Bit
Hellbender: Chapter 13 – Perception of Power

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“Hello, Doug.”
Doug was once again seated in darkness with the Devil across from him. “Oh. Hey, Stan.” He looked around a bit. “Do we always have to meet here?”
“No distractions; I prefer it that way.”
“Okay. So, you heard what happened?”
The Devil smiled. “I am nearly omniscient. I am privy to every thought that any human has ever had.”
“Really? You like know everything?” A thought struck him. “Like, do you know what dinosaurs actually looked like?”
“Anything in this universe that doesn’t involve humanity is of no concern to me.”
“Oh.” Another, better thought struck Doug. “So do you know who my parents were?”
The Devil’s face turned serious. “They died for a cause they believe in, like many many others have throughout history. There is nothing I can tell you about them that will be of any help to you.”
“Still, I’d like to know.”
“I’m here to help you help yourself, Doug; I’m not here for your whims.”
For the first time, Doug was growing a bit tired of the Devil. “I don’t know what you want from me. Right now, me and my friends barely have money to eat, so I’m not sure how I’m going to fight powerful armies and gods, if that’s what you’re expecting.”
“It’s not what I’m expecting; it’s what I know is possible. I can’t see the future with certainty — not with free will interfering — but I can see the possible futures. Each time you make a choice in life, those possible futures narrow down. I still see one where you lead the way to righting this world, and I will do my best to help you make the choices to make it your present.”
“Can’t you just tell me what to do?”
The Devil smiled. “No. I’m afraid that wouldn’t work.”
Doug sighed. “You know, for someone claiming to be so powerful, it doesn’t seem like you can do very much.”
“I’ll give you a little piece of information: Being nearly infinitely powerful is just as close to infinitely powerful as it is to powerless. The good news is that these ‘gods’ you fear aren’t measurably more powerful than you… from a certain perspective.”
“What perspective would that be?”
“That of the Being of truly infinite power.”
Doug wasn’t quite as ready to be roped in again. “The god my parents worshipped… the super powerful guy I’ve seen even less from.”
The Devil smiled. “I’m glad to see the skepticism, but the works of the one true God are visible to all but those who wish to be blind to them.”
“I don’t even know what that means. Anyway, we don’t have the cube anymore — which I guess you know — so if that was needed to somehow fight the Transcendents, well… that’s not happening.”
“For the time being, it’s good enough that you know the cube is out there; events are already in motion because of it.” The Devil was quiet for a moment, seeming to be in thought. “Let me try and give you some useful advice, though. You focus too much on where you are weak and where your opponents are strong. Try to think of where you are strong.”
That was a hard one. “I’m okay with a sword.”
“That’s something. Also, those you fear: Where are they weak?”
“Well, with the Hallowed…” Doug thought about it. “Well, all I’ve ever met are kinda jerks, so I guess people don’t like them. I guess that’s a weakness.”
“It’s a start. And what of their masters, the Transcendents?”
“I’ve only really ever seen them from a far… and I guess that’s just a projection of them…” Doug was thinking his hardest, but not much was coming. “They’re at war with each other, so I guess they don’t get along very well… I don’t see how that helps me, though.”
“It’s enough for now that you at least begin to deconstruct how powerful you believe them to be,” the Devil said. “Until we meet again, why don’t you continue to look for their weaknesses.”
“I really don’t think I’m the person for this.”
The Devil looked quite serious again. “It doesn’t matter what you think, Doug. As I say, I can see many possible futures, and in all of them you will come into conflict with the Transcendents. The only variable is whether you are prepared or not.”
This finally seemed like some new information the Devil had given Doug, but somehow Doug already knew it.


Colette sat in the back office of the warehouse perusing the lists of recent acquirements and deciding where to move them for various uses and black markets. It was basically accounting and her favorite part of the job as it didn’t require interaction with any people. Not needing sleep, she had been busy at it throughout the night while most of her men slept. She loved the quiet.
Colette felt some hands caress her, and she slowly turned around, “Dammon, I am honored with your presence.”
Dammon always took the human form of an attractive man. His features were young, but his eyes were very wise. He enjoyed the physical pleasures of the world more than the power struggles of his kin, and thus seemed to have more of a like of humanity than Colette who was eager to know more of what lay beyond this universe’s dimensions. “This is but a quick visit to see if you’ve noticed anything out of the ordinary as of late.”
“Why? What’s been happening?”
He paced a bit as if in thought — a very convincing imitation of being an actual human. “I’ve noticed some erratic behavior among the other Transcendents. I think there is more behind the attack on Shride than Serpine trying to display her power. Have you heard anything about this?”
Colette remembered the idiots from the other day, and hesitated to mention them… but, having thought of them, Dammon probably already knew. “Some Children today tried to sell me some cube with bunnies on it claiming it was something Serpine, Asmod, and Elza were all after.”
“Bunnies?” He pretended to be thinking again. “It was a small metal cube?”
“Yes. It looked metal… nothing much to it other than the bunnies. The Children seemed to think there was something special to it that should have been obvious.”
Dammon looked her in the eyes quite intensely. “Do you have it?”
“I didn’t see any point to it. Those Children just seemed to have stumbled upon it and were hoping it was valuable… but it appeared worthless.”
“Go get it. Immediately. Others might be after it, but we need it first.”
“But what–” Colette realized she wasn’t talking to anything. She didn’t see him disappear; it was just like he was never there in the first place. She had her instructions, so there was nothing left to discuss.
Colette walked out of the office to see some of her men playing a card game while others were still resting. She quickly spotted Lara who was sitting on a crate reading a book. She despised Lara, but she was useful. Of course, that was the best she could say of any of them. “Those idiot Children from last night; you know where they are?”
“Yes; it’s in the report I gave you on them. They’re just squatting in an apartment building if they haven’t moved on yet.”
“You four.” She pointed to four of her men playing cards. “Take me to them.”
One of her female employees ran into the warehouse, her face pale white. “Craig and… Raul… they were… I found them…”
It took a lot of temperance for Colette not to kill someone every few minutes. “Spit it out!”
“They’re ripped apart! There’s blood everywhere by the dock! I…” She paused for a moment, and turned to her side and threw up.
Loch. This was how he communicated, and this was simply a warning not to get in his way. She didn’t understand how he did it, though, as agreements between the Transcendents should have made it impossible for him to directly touch any of Dammon’s people. Colette was a little unnerved, but Dammon wasn’t going to accept excuses. Humans were panicky things, though, and she knew she’d have to diffuse this to avoid a mutiny. All the people there looked scared… except for Lara who had gone back to reading her book. “I did that,” Colette told them. “I had my reasons.”
“Why?” the woman asked, looking quite scared and befuddled.
“I don’t have time to explain myself. Now get back to whatever the hell you’re supposed to be doing or you’re next.” She walked past the woman to exit the warehouse. “Now, I believe some of us were going somewhere. Have your guns ready.”
NEXT

Why Are We Still Arguing This?

We have 39 states with right to carry. Right to carry has been around for decades. Yet, opponents of people being armed make the same stupid arguments speculating that arming people will cause “Wild West” shootouts and other crazy things.
Speculating?
I have a couple words for people still arguing against arming law-abiding citizens:
WHERE ARE YOUR @#$% EXAMPLES?!!
You’ve been saying the same thing for countless @#$% years every time some new law to allow gun rights is mentioned, and with 39 @#$% states with right to carry, you’d think that if your @#$% assumptions about how people will @#$% react when law-abiding citizens are armed had even the slightest basis in @#$% reality, you’d have tons of examples by now of this @#$% “Wild West” and people just randomly @#$% shooting each other that you seem to think will happen.
Let me repeat: 39 @#$% STATES!!! WHERE IS EVEN ONE EXAMPLE OF WHAT YOU @#$% SAY WILL HAPPEN ACTUALLY @#$% HAPPENING?!! WHY ARE YOU STILL MAKING THE SAME @#$% ARGUMENTS WHEN THEY’VE BEEN PROVEN WRONG SO MANY @#$% TIMES?!!!
It’s over. No more arguing. 39 states. Nothing you have said has ever come true. You are wrong. Never ever speak on this issue again, as you’ve proven you’re completely retarded on it.
Just had to get that off my chest.

Frank Idea on Convincing People About Global Warming

If people arguing that there is global warming want to convince more people, they should use this argument: Say global warming makes people dumber and use themselves as examples.

BELIEVER OF GLOBAL WARMING: Haven’t you noticed how people arguing that there is global warming have become dumber and shriller in recent years? That’s because global warming is real and makes people stupid!
DISBELIEVER OF GLOBAL WARMING: I dunno…
BELIEVER: So you’re going to deny that my side has gotten mysteriously dumber?
DISBELIEVER: No… I guess I have to cede you the point.

And the argument is won!

Is Pizza Worth Dying For? Pizza Hut Seems to Think So *UPDATED and bumped*

This story I found through Hot Air angered me unlike any in a while. A pizza delivery man defended himself from armed robbery with a gun, and Pizza Hut has suspended their employee for this act of defense (not fired — yet — but they have fired people for this before). Now this is almost standard stupidity you kinda just get used to, but then there was this quote in the article:

Vonnie Walbert, vice president of human resources at Pizza Hut’s corporate offices in Dallas, said last week that employees are not allowed to carry guns “because we believe that that is the safest for everybody.”

Now, this got me imagining what was the actual discussion of this issue at Pizza Hut corporate offices. Since pizza delivery men are often sent into bad neighborhoods with big signs basically saying they have money on them, they are frequent targets for robbery. I wish I had some statistics (I’m sure Pizza Hut does), but I know I’ve seen plenty of stories through the years of pizza delivery men being killed. Anyway, the “safest for everybody” claim is obvious BS and I don’t think Pizza Hut believes it (I’ve certainly seen no statement from them on what magical process they think their employees can be kept safe in these situations). To me, the only way they could come to the “no defense” conclusion for their employees is that they weighed possible bad publicity from their delivery men being killed versus possible bad publicity from incidents like this. They concluded no one is going to care about dead pizza delivery men, but some people, out of irrational fear, might not order a pizza if they hear that the delivery men could be armed.
So, I realized there are actually people at Pizza Hut who believe dead employees are better than possible bad publicity, and I was pissed off.
Really, in America, should anyone be able to hold that position and not be shamed from polite society? Self-defense is a right — just like speech — where anytime you give an inch, there are big consequences. Luckily, recent years show we can push things back up the slippery slope as more and more states have recognized the right to carry. The next step is businesses, because the backwards thinking that defenseless people are better has to go. As for the completely ghoulish thinking that recognizes that unarmed employees are at risk but any alternative could hurt business, that has no place in a civilized country.
UPDATE:
Please don’t go in the comments and argue that if the pizza delivery men had guns, that would cause an escalation of violence. If people carrying guns caused more shootouts, you’d have numerous examples of that happening in the thirty-nine states that allows right to carry. It’s a settled issue, and believing that law-abiding carrying guns causes more violence is as tenable a stance in the face of the facts as believing the earth is flat. When its known a group is armed, people tend not to rob them; that should be pretty simple to understand.
Ed Morrisey has more on the deaths Pizza Hut finds to be an acceptable part of its business.
UPDATE 2:
Pizza Hut could try and turn this into a neat ad. List all the people killed and injured delivering their pizza followed by, “Is any pizza worth the risk of human life? It is, if it’s OUR NEW STUFF CRUST PIZZA!”

America Offers Al Gore $300 Million to Shut Up

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (AP) — Former Vice President Al Gore announced a $300 million, 3-year public advocacy campaign called “We” to educate the American public about global warming and urge solutions from elected officials. The American public responded by offering Gore $300 million if he would “please just shut the hell up”.

“youcanshutupnow.org seeks a practical solution to Gore-ful warnings”

The first ad of Gore’s campaign tells viewers that Americans didn’t wait to storm the beaches of Normandy in World War II, or to overcome segregation or to put the first man on the moon. “We need to act now” to solve the climate crisis, the ad says, and refers viewers to www.wecansolveit.org.
America’s response campaign, dubbed “You”, will feature an ad telling Gore that fighting Hitler, landing on the moon, and overcoming segregation weren’t wacky pseudo-religions based on bad science and an insatiable lust for political power, and refers the Nobel laureate to www.youcanshutupnow.org.
“When politicians hear the American people calling loud and clear for change, they’ll listen,” Gore said in a statement. He will provide some of the initial funding through proceeds of his Oscar-winning climate change documentary “An Inconvenient Truth” and his Nobel Prize.
“No matter how loudly and clearly you talk to Al Gore, he just won’t listen,” said Cathy Zoi, chief executive officer of the You Campaign. “I’ve even tried speaking slowly and using small words, like you would to a slow child or a smart chihuahua, but it’s like English is a language Gore took one semester of 20 years ago and now only uses when he wants to impress his date at a restaurant. We’re hoping America’s $300 million is enough to get him to stop prattling his ignorance in that semi-retarded Sling Blade voice of his.”
A major focus of “We” will be TV and print advertising campaign and online social networking outreach, said Gore. While there have been advocacy campaigns before, “we’ve never had these kinds of resources to get into people’s living rooms,” he said. “Americans watch 4 1/2 hours of television a day.”
“I only get 4 1/2 hours a day to watch TV,” said Zoi, “and I’ll be damned if I’m going to waste it watching some washed-up ex-hippie preach to me about my environmental responsibilities from the comfort of his 10,000 square foot energy-Godzilla mansion.”

The Legend of Zelda the Movie?

Is this an extremely elaborate April Fools joke? If so, I have to applaud them for the commitment to not put in any obvious tells. I mean, they worked hard to make it seem just like how Hollywood would try and adapt that material.
But it’s a joke, right?