Apparently, Hillary’s Pastor approves of Jeremiah Wright, which bring the odd question of, “Hillary has a pastor?”
That’s an odd concept? What does he preach about? How Jesus was too dismissive of Satan’s reasonable offer of power and wealth? I just assumed that, unless a church was constantly carping on God for being too intolerant and bigoted, Hillary would storm out of there in protest.
Then again, as I’ve said before, I just have trouble wrapping my head around the concept of liberal Christians. I’ve heard some liberals argue that Jesus is a liberal, but if that’s true, then why do liberals hate Him and His teachings so much?

The phone rings, waking President McCain. Groggily, he answers it. “Hello?”
“Mr. President. There is a foreclosure crisis. We need action now.”
McCain looks at the clock. It’s 3 A.M. “Are you psychotic?”
“This is very important.”
“Who is doing business at his hour?”
“We can’t wait for a decision on what to do.”
“It’s 3 A.M.! What the hell can we do right now?!”
“We need to make a plan.”
“Are honestly telling me you didn’t find out there was a problem with foreclosures until right now?”
“Well… I found out earlier today. I forgot to tell you until now.”
“I will strangle you!”
“That won’t help the foreclosure crisis.”
“Do you have a family? I will murder your family and make you watch!”
“That seems a bit extreme.”
“It’s 3 A.M.! You do not wake me with crap like this at this hour!”
JOHN MCCAIN: Ready to answer the call appropriately at 3 A.M.

Last year, Osama’s cabana boy Ayman al-Zawahri asked terrorists, journalists, and terrorist sympathizers (pardon the redundancy) to submit questions that he promised to answer and which Al-Qaeda’s media arm will post to jihadist forums.
Well, the questions are in, and the answers will hit the web shortly. In an IMAO exclusive, I was able to get a sneak peek at the results in exchange for a frolicsome goat and an edible burka:

“It only LOOKS like you’re pulling. You actually have to SQUEEZE the milk out of the teat.”

Q: Dude, why do you have a camel testicle on your forehead?
A: That’s a zabiba, or “prayer bump”. Basically a scar from repeatedly knocking my head against the ground during my 5-times daily prayers. It’s also a sign that I don’t check for rocks before laying down my prayer mat.
Q: Is is spelled “muslim” or “moslem”?
A: “Terrorist”
Q: Is Osama still alive?
A: I can say without hesitation that if any parts of Osama are not a fading red stain on a wall in Tora Bora, then they are alive.
Q: How sure are you that that voice in your head telling you to kill people is actually Allah and not, say, a tumor?
A: As sure as I am that Osama is still alive.
Q: What’s the proper way to wage Jihad?
A: First, get a God. Preferrably an angry one. Then form a religion around him. Give it a hip & trendy name that plays off a popular Apple product. iSlam, for example. Then follow the directions of your religion’s important holy men, or iMams. Consider renaming your holy war iJhad for the sake of consistency. Then kill, kill, kill!
Q: Why do Jews make you so irritable?
A: Any race capable of producing Fran Drescher deserves extermination.
Q: The internet was invented by the infidel Al Gore. Aren’t you committing a sin against Allah by using Crusader technology?
A: You shut up!
Q: Which Muslim holiday is holier? Eid ul-Fitr or Eid ul-Adha?
A: Hitler’s birthday.
Q: Is global warming real?
A: It will be once Iran gets nukes.
Q: We miss the Iraqi information minister. Could you please hire him as your spokesman?
A: Are you nuts? The man was a pathological liar with sub-zero credibility! It’d be like using the New York Times!
Q: Don’t you think the object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his?
A: Patton was a stupid infidel! Allah says that the only way to win this war is to have as many dead terrorists as possible. Or was that Rumsfeld?
Q: Why haven’t you attacked America since 9/11?
A: America is simply too strong to target right now. However, we hope that will change soon [wink, wink].

Anything YOU’D like to ask the Zaw-meister?